THE PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF MADISON, Wisconsin -- In a recent discussion of the War on the War on Christmas (tm), Faux News' Bill O'Reilly referred to the media in this city as a place "where you expect those people to be communing with Satan up there." Immediately following his claim, the People's Republic of Madison daily newspaper, the Pravda State Manifesto, launched a probe into the leak of classified satan-worshipping information.
According to an unamed newspaper official, "We believe that Mr. O'Reilly has no credible evidence that anyone in this town's media is actively engaged in satan-worship either currently or at any time in the past. However, considering Mr. O'Reilly's impeccible and unquestioned reputation as a fair and balanced journamalist, we are certain that he would not make such a claim without irrefutable evidence supporting it. My comrades have begun an internal investigation to find out who told."
The Office of the Supreme Lord of the Underworld - His Unholiness Lucifer, issued the following statement:
"We can neither confirm nor deny that any entity or entities located in the People's Republic of Madison, Wisconsin have now or have ever worshipped me. It is our policy not to comment on an ongoing investigation"
Mr. O'Reilly's office could not be reached for comment (because we didn't bother trying to find his phone number).