Daily Kos

Xmas' Greatest Hits (no poll)

Sat Dec 24, 2005 at 04:39:54 PM PDT

OK, so it's a dubious choice of diary topics given that I'm an urban hermit and confirmed old curmudgeon and plan to order pizza today before Pizza Orgasmica closes, but here goes. This is my all-time greatest hits, for good or ill, and in no particular order after number one.
  • A Charlie Brown Christmas - Shulz, Guaraldi et al
  • Snoopy and the Red Baron/The Return of the Red Baron/Snoopy's Christmas - The Royal Guardsmen "Christmas bells, those Christmas bells...."
  • The Many Moods of Christmas - Robert Shaw, Atlanta Symphony, TELARC
  • Noel No. 10 (Grand jeu et duo) - Louis-Claude Daquin (that's for pipe organ, you uncultured twits!)
  • Coventry Carol - 15th century, Pageant of the Shearmen and Tailors (any recording in the original unmetered version)
  • Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree - (why did I use to hate this song so much?  It's sooooo cool!)
  • The Dickens Carolers at any Disney park
  • One Magic Christmas - Mary Steenburgen
  • Any family gathering that doesn't make you suicidal, homocidal, genocidal, or spermicidal - (I know, but it's Xmas--you can make a wish, can't you?)
  • Tasty men, strong food, and good beer - (mix and match to suit)
  • Driving around a strange city to view holiday lights on homes of people with more money than taste
  • Blown Glass Christmas Trees - Dale Chihuly, White House collection ca. Clinton administration
  • Our Jewish neighbors coming over to help trim the tree
  • Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer - Just because it's a great title
  • Natural Santa's - real hair, real beard, no padding (OK, disclaimer, I'm almost there--got the white beard, hair still has too much color)
  • Mannheim Steamroller - the less cheesy stuff (definitely NOT the last album) all the renaissance stuff, the German kiddie choir, and the Norman Luboff arrangement of Still, Still, Still
  • Nightmare Before Christmas - Go Jack! (and also the Disney Haunted Mansion makeover, even though they don't call it Nightmare before Christmas any more)
  • Any secular or non-xian holiday observance - C'mon, you gotta have something to cut the saccharine with!
  • The Grinch Who Stole Christmas - Seuss, Karloff et al (look--I love Jim Carrey...but no.)
  • The "Glock Girls" - the girls with impossibly luxuriant long hair playing the glockenspiel surrounding the Santa float in the Disney holiday parade (OK, I'm embarrassed to admit how old I was before I knew their hair was fake)
  • Rodney Reindeer - plush toy from Hallmark Cards ca. 1980s
  • Kransekake - traditional Norwegian ring cookie (heavy on the almond paste and mondo heavy on the butter!)
  • Any holiday present that actually surprises you (in a good way)
  • Winter Wonderland - Annie Lenox
  • The Christmas Story in King James English - "And so it was that after the angels were gone away up into heaven, the Shepherds said, one to another, come let us go even unto Bethlehem and see this wondrous thing which the angel of the Lord hath made known unto us." (and I did that from friggin' memory, so there)
  • Walkin' 'Round in Women's Underwear - (In honor of my friends on the production staff at Gap Body--do you have any idea how complicated bras are?)
  • Judy Collins Christmas Special at the Biltmore Estate - How I wish I knew where my copy of that was!
  • A painful death for anyone who has ever butchered The Christmas Song (Chestnuts roasting...) - Oh, Mel...how did we fail you?
  • Handel's Messiah with boy sopranos and counter tenors - you can hear the angels sing
  • Coming Out on Christmas - or anything else sarcastic or satirical by any Gay Men's Chorus
  • The Boynton Christmas Book - Especially the traditional holiday game, "Passing the Fruitcake"--Sandra Boynton is a friggin' Genius
  • Chocolate - (speaking of Boynton)
  • The Pagan origins of Christmas - From trees, to the Twelve Days, to Dec. 25th
  • Home Alone - I and II (aaaaagggghhhhhh)
  • Julie Andrews - The Firestone recordings from the '60s
  • The pope wearing a Santa Hat
  • Elf Liberation - (with apologies to J.K. Rowling)
  • Anyone who has ever screwed you getting a lump of coal
  • Explaining the historical significance of the Greek letter "X" to any xian objecting to "Xmas"

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a 'Good Night!'"

Tags: Christmas (all tags) :: Previous Tag Versions

Permalink | 38 comments

  •  You forgot... (none / 1)

    That modern classic "A Christmas Story"...all 24 hours of it on TBS.

    There are three kinds of people in the world: those who can count and those who cannot.

    by Mote Dai on Sat Dec 24, 2005 at 04:42:20 PM PDT

  •  What? (4.00 / 4)

    No Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas???

    Robyn

  •  Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (host:Burl Ives) (none / 1)

    It has some of the best one-liners:

    Herbie! Why weren't you at elf practice?!

    ....

    That's just it! I'm a Charlie in the box. Who wants to play with a Charlie in the box?

    Or a locomotive with square wheels>

    Or a cowboy that rides an ostrich?

    ....

    Watch out for the giant ground sloths.

    by cskendrick on Sat Dec 24, 2005 at 04:52:00 PM PDT

    •  You're right... (none / 0)

      It's a true classic, even though it's not one of my favorites. I should have included it, if for no other reason than "Have a holly jolly Christmas...."

      Well fuck it all, I'm still not leaving. I'm too goddamn mean and stubborn to be run off by a swarm of annoying insects.

      by homogenius on Sat Dec 24, 2005 at 04:54:33 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  After all... (none / 1)

        It's the best time of the year. :)

        Watch out for the giant ground sloths.

        by cskendrick on Sat Dec 24, 2005 at 04:57:57 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  Yeah, but... (none / 0)

          Can it compare with the Big Rock Candy Mountain, Lavendar Blue, or The Ugly Bug Ball (one and all)

          Well fuck it all, I'm still not leaving. I'm too goddamn mean and stubborn to be run off by a swarm of annoying insects.

          by homogenius on Sat Dec 24, 2005 at 04:59:48 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          •  Big Rock Candy Mountain, hmm? (none / 1)

            I've got a parody version -- or two -- of that one :)

            The Grand Old Party Mountains

            Sample:


            In the Grand Old Party Mountains the hearts are made of coal
            And you can lie all that you want -- soon as you sell your soul
            There ain't no damn trial lawyers, no taxes, laws or courts
            So you're goin' to stay where you'll slave all day
            Where we shoot the jerks who won't be serfs
            In the Grand Old Party Mountains

            and quickly! The good news!

            The Democratic Mountains


            In the Democratic Mountains the people rule the land
            And the laws that they promulgate are honored to a man
            There ain't no second-guessing courts, no calls to break the law
            So I mean to stay where I'm free all day
            Where no wingnuts lurk `cause rule of law works
            In the Democratic Mountains

            I'll see you all now standing tall in the Democratic Mountains

            It was meant to be funny a while ago.

            Now I realize, perhaps there's pow'r in them words. :)

            Watch out for the giant ground sloths.

            by cskendrick on Sat Dec 24, 2005 at 05:09:19 PM PDT

            [ Parent ]

            •  Oh, lordy--that's some scary shit! (none / 0)

              Did we ever really believe it would get this bad back in 2000? Even on election night when I was howling at the moon in my underwear on the balcony (OK, there might have been some beer involved) I had no idea it would get halfway near this bad.

              Well fuck it all, I'm still not leaving. I'm too goddamn mean and stubborn to be run off by a swarm of annoying insects.

              by homogenius on Sat Dec 24, 2005 at 05:12:42 PM PDT

              [ Parent ]

              •  I knew. (none / 1)

                But I put all those trepidations in a sea chest and tossed it overboard.

                The Kraken came out of the depths, regardless.

                2000 went the way it did because it was a struggle for control of the greatest treasure ever assembled -- the budget surplus.

                The Pubs just offered sufficient bribes to a wide enough circle of key personnel to make their bid happen.

                I remain convinced to this day that the main reason the media is so docile toward Bush is that they got their piece of the action then, and they are getting it now.

                Ditto for certain Dems.

                It'd be tinfoil material, except Occam's Razor has trouble explaining why the media has so thoroughly abandoned its role in a free society as first among speakers to power, not for it.

                And the same blade explains quite nicely why they've done it: they are in the game. So many omissions favoring Bush, so many commissions discrediting his enemies, so many collusions placing the national interest second to Bush's interest -- or those of the media itself.

                They are partners in this.

                That is why they fear us terribly. We're meek, like mice.

                But mice are persistent little cusses -- and they reproduce quickly.

                Watch out for the giant ground sloths.

                by cskendrick on Sat Dec 24, 2005 at 05:18:39 PM PDT

                [ Parent ]

  •  Are you talking about (none / 1)

    Chester's nuts roasting on an open fire, or what?
  •  Xmas Eve Special! (none / 1)

    (OK, my roomate is working late at the Gap Flagship Store--picture hordes of locusts...)

    Free mojo for everyone who posts on my diary. Now recommend me, dammit!

    Well fuck it all, I'm still not leaving. I'm too goddamn mean and stubborn to be run off by a swarm of annoying insects.

    by homogenius on Sat Dec 24, 2005 at 05:04:34 PM PDT

  •  The Chipmunk's Christmas Song (4.00 / 2)

    All right you Chipmunks!  Ready to sing your song?
    I'll say we are!
    Yeah!
    Let's sing it now!
    Okay, Simon?
    Okay!
    Okay, Theodore?
    Okay!
    Okay, Alvin? Alvin? ALVIN!
    OKAY!!!
    Christmas, Christmas time is near,
    Time for toys and time for cheer,
    We've been good, but we can't last
    Hurry Christmas, hurry fast,
    Want a plane that loops the loop,
    Me, I want a hula hoop,
    We can hardly stand the wait,
    Please Christmas, don't be late.

    Okay fellas, get ready.
    That was very good, Simon.
    Naturally.
    Very good Theodore.
    Ahkhkhkh.
    Ah, Alvin, you were a little flat, watch it.
    Ah, Alvin? Alvin. ALVIN!
    OKAY!!!

    Want a plane that loops the loop,
    I still want a hula hoop,
    We can hardly stand the wait,
    Please Christmas, don't be late.
    We can hardly stand the wait,
    Please Christmas, don't be late.

    Very good, boys.
    Let's sing it again!
    Yeah, let's sing it again!
    No, That's enough, let's not overdo it.
    What do you mean not overdo it?
    Overdo it?
    We want to sing it again!
    Now wait a minute, boys ...
    Why can't we sing it again?

    Christmas Songbook

  •  Phil Spector Christmas Album (none / 1)

    Whenever I hear the songs on the radio, I turn it up.  They're all pretty much great especially the Darlene Love songs.  She has a wonderful voice.  

    Build the Wilshire Subway!

    by SoCalLiberal on Sat Dec 24, 2005 at 05:11:41 PM PDT

  •  Nat King Cole (none / 1)

    singing "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire..." I still haven't gotten over Christina Aguilera's massacre of the song on MTV a couple of years ago. I was forced to listen because my 100 pound Lab Brie had me pinned on the floor & I couldn't reach the remote. Noone came to rescue me until it was over! Oh the horror!!

    "Tolerance implies no lack of commitment to one's own beliefs. Rather it condemns the oppression or persecution of others." John F. Kennedy

    by vcmvo2 on Sat Dec 24, 2005 at 05:14:56 PM PDT

    •  Oh, you poor thing! (none / 0)

      Have you had therapy? Do I need to summon the Kossians for an intervention? Truly, that would be enough to bring out anti-social tendencies in anyone. My sincere condolences!

      P.S. Anything by the King is great, but that one is outstanding.

      Well fuck it all, I'm still not leaving. I'm too goddamn mean and stubborn to be run off by a swarm of annoying insects.

      by homogenius on Sat Dec 24, 2005 at 05:17:52 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  I did talk about it in therapy (none / 1)

        I think I convinced the therapist that I was nuts...but then he hadn't been forced to listen to her tortured rendition of my favorite song. My husband still laughs about it. Nat King Cole is an all-time favorite anyway :)

        "Tolerance implies no lack of commitment to one's own beliefs. Rather it condemns the oppression or persecution of others." John F. Kennedy

        by vcmvo2 on Sun Dec 25, 2005 at 07:06:13 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

  •  It just ain't Christmas without... (none / 1)

    Ronnie Spector's 'Frosty.'

    You can keep the rest of the album, but that I gotta have.

    Burning trashcans on the Lower East Side, do-wop in the slush around the stinking warmth, with a bottle of cheap wine to share.  And 'Frosty' on a cheap transistor radio with a buzzing speaker.

    That's Christmas...

    JF

    It ain't called paranoia - when they're really out to get you. 6 points.

    by Jaime Frontero on Sat Dec 24, 2005 at 07:12:10 PM PDT

    •  The absolute best? (none / 1)

      Elvis, I'll havvva a blue Christmas without you.   Decorations of red on a green Christmas treeeeee, won't mean a thing if you're not hear with me...His Christmas album (the first one) is the bestest of the best.!

      Republicans don't have 60 votes, and it doesn't seem to bother them one bit.

      by dkmich on Sun Dec 25, 2005 at 02:30:09 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  my lord..... (4.00 / 2)

    how could you forget Da Yoopers!!!
    (to the tune of jingle bells)

    DASHING THROUGH THE SNOW
    IN MY RUSTY CHEVROLET
    DOWN THE ROAD I GO
    SLIDING ALL THE WAY
    I NEED NEW PISTON RINGS
    I NEED SOME NEW SNOW TIRES
    MY CAR IS HELD TOGETHER
    BY A PIECE OF CHICKEN WIRE

    CHORUS:
    RUST AND SMOKE THE HEATER'S BROKE
    THE DOOR JUST BLEW AWAY
    I LIGHT A MATCH TO SEE THE DASH
    AND THEN I START TO PRAY
    THE FRAME IS BENT THE MUFFLER WENT
    THE RADIO IT'S OK
    OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO DRIVE
    THIS RUSTY CHEVROLET

     I WENT TO THE IGA
    TO GET SOME CHRISTMAS CHEER
    I JUST PASSED UP MY LEFT FRONT TIRE
    AND ITS GETTING HARD TO STEER
    SKIDDING DOWN THE HIGHWAY
    RIGHT PAST THE NEGAUNEE COPS
    I HAD TO DRAG MY SWAMPERS
    TO GET THE CAR TO STOP

    (REPEAT CHORUS)
     BOUNCING THROUGH THE SNOWDRIFTS
    IN A BIG BLUE CLOUD OF SMOKE
    PEOPLE LAUGH AS I DRIVE BY
    I WONDER WHAT'S THE JOKE
    I GOT TO GET TO SHOPKO
    TO PICK UP THE LAYAWAY
    CAUSE SANTA CLAUS IS COMING SOON
    IN HIS BIG OLD RUSTY SLEIGH

    (REPEAT CHORUS)

    A learning experience is one of those things that says, 'You know that thing you just did? Don't do that.' Douglas Adams

    by dougymi on Sat Dec 24, 2005 at 07:33:17 PM PDT

  •  There is only one Xmas song (none / 1)

    Fairytale of New York sung by the Pogues and Kirsty McColl .

    It was Christmas Eve babe
    In the drunk tank
    An old man said to me, won't see another one
    And then he sang a song
    The Rare Old Mountain Dew
    I turned my face away
    And dreamed about you

    Got on a lucky one
    Came in eighteen to one
    I've got a feeling
    This year's for me and you
    So happy Christmas
    I love you baby
    I can see a better time
    When all our dreams come true

    They've got cars big as bars
    They've got rivers of gold
    But the wind goes right through you
    It's no place for the old
    When you first took my hand
    On a cold Christmas Eve
    You promised me
    Broadway was waiting for me

    You were handsome
    You were pretty
    Queen of New York City
    When the band finished playing
    They howled out for more
    Sinatra was swinging,
    All the drunks they were singing
    We kissed on a corner
    Then danced through the night

    The boys of the NYPD choir
    Were singing "Galway Bay"
    And the bells were ringing out
    For Christmas day

    You're a bum
    You're a punk
    You're an old slut on junk
    Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed
    You scumbag, you maggot
    You cheap lousy faggot
    Happy Christmas your arse
    I pray God it's our last

    I could have been someone
    Well so could anyone
    You took my dreams from me
    When I first found you
    I kept them with me babe
    I put them with my own
    Can't make it all alone
    I've built my dreams around you

  •  Here is a link... (none / 1)

    ...to what I grew up having to listen to every Christmas evening.

    Prepare to meet bizarre.

    Robyn

  •  TV fire in a fireplace (none / 1)

    with (bland) Xmas music in the background.

    Have you ever seen it?

    Also:

    A Child's Christmas in Wales by Dylan Thomas

    and, a new (groan) favorite of mine:

    Mike Malloy's Christmas Special on Air America Radio. He has a version of "O, Holy Night" that is worthy of John Ashcroft's voice teacher. You can possibly listen to the archived show on the white rose society's website (liberal site).

    Best Diary of the Year? http://www.dailykos.com/story/2008/2/23/03912/3990

    by LNK on Sat Dec 24, 2005 at 09:01:00 PM PDT

  •  Cold War favorite (none / 1)

    It's Christmas at Ground Zero
    There's music in the air
    The sleigh bells are ringin' and the carolers are singin'
    While the air raid sirens blare

    It's Christmas at Ground Zero
    The button has been pressed
    The radio just let us know
    That this is not a test

    Everywhere the atom bombs are droppin'
    It's the end of all humanity
    No more time for last minute shoppin'
    It's time to face your final destiny

    Well, it's Christmas at Ground Zero
    There's panic in the crowd
    We can dodge debris while we trim the tree
    Underneath a mushroom cloud

    (siren)

    You might hear some reindeer on your rooftop
    Or Jack Frost on your windowsill
    But if someone's climbin' down your chimney
    You better load your gun and shoot to kill

    Oh, it's Christmas at Ground Zero
    And if the radiation level's okay
    I'll go out with you and see the all new
    Mutations on New Year's Day

    It's Christmas at Ground Zero
    Just seconds left to go
    I'll duck and cover with my yuletide lover
    Underneath the mistletoe

    It's Christmas at Ground Zero
    Now the missiles are on their way
    What a crazy fluke we're gonna get nuked
    On this jolly holiday
    What a crazy fluke we're gonna get nuked
    On this jolly holiday

    (siren)

    By Weird Al Yankovic

    DITCH MITCH-Republican "Bush Buddy" Governor of Indiana

    by libnewsie on Sun Dec 25, 2005 at 12:31:51 AM PDT

  •  Christmas is music (none / 0)

    Cambridge Singers, King's College Choir, John Rutter, Ensemble Choral du Bout du Monde, St. Olaf College Choir, the Bach Christmas Oratorio ... like that.
    •  John Rutter! (none / 0)

      Another major ommission! <hangs head in deepest shame>

      Especially bad considering I once recorded Rutter's Nativity Carol.

      Well fuck it all, I'm still not leaving. I'm too goddamn mean and stubborn to be run off by a swarm of annoying insects.

      by homogenius on Sun Dec 25, 2005 at 01:55:36 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

Permalink | 38 comments