A day or so ago I posted a
diary on health built around an exchange I had with a friend.
Just this evening I emailed him to fill him in and give him a chance to respond.
His reply below the fold.
I expect the only folks reading here are familiar with the diary so I won't dwell too much on that. I will, however, apologize for causing pain or giving offense in that diary.
My friend and I belong to the same community outreach program and meet for lunch with others once a week or so. He emailed me this evening to pass along a link to the
Tylenol liver damage story, so you can see we share a keen interest in health issues. Does that shared interest get me off the hook? Read for yourself.
From me:
Couple of quick questions
Was I out of line by calling you out on your weight?
Did my remarks motivate you in any way to take more action. (I'm well aware that you were already taking lots of action)?
Would you prefer I'd said nothing?
I hasten to add that the reason I ask is that I'm in the middle of a large discussion about how we deal with friends and their health issues and I've used our little blow-out as an example, no names, of course. The actual discussion is about destructive lifestyles and whether or not we should confront issues head on. Most of the participants are American. I'm arguing that with 1 in 8 New Yorkers diabetic ( 800,000 cases there alone) and one in every two Latinos expected to suffer the same fate, the last thing we need to do is pretend being extra large is normal.
There's an apology in here too.
I'll understand if you'd just as soon tell me to screw-off.
Not like you never have.
Cheers.
To which he replied:
Hi,
Was I out of line by calling you out on your weight?
* Yes. to a degree, not saying the same to John G and Doug leaves your motives open to question.*
Did my remarks motivate you in any way to take more action. (I'm well aware that you were already taking lots of action)?
* Not really I was well aware of my weight.....doing what I can. *
Would you prefer I'd said nothing?
* Probably, over it now. However I know it is your personality to be very direct (and sometimes very argumentative) but "...really, you look like a fat pig" is pretty strong and obviously going to cause resentment.*
I hasten to add that the reason I ask is that I'm in the middle of a large discussion about how we deal with friends and their health issues and I've used our little blow-out as an example, no names, of course. The actual discussion is about destructive lifestyles and whether or not we should confront issues head on. Most of the participants are American. I'm arguing that with 1 in 8 New Yorkers diabetic ( 800,000 cases there alone) and one in every two Latinos expected to suffer the same fate, the last thing we need to do is pretend being extra large is normal.
* I can see your point, gentle reference to the facts may be helpful, but I just read a study where people only change when fully accepted as they are. "Only when people feel fully loved and accepted as they are, are they capable of hearing that they should change." - Byron Katie *
There's an apology in here too.
* It is appreciated/accepted. *
I'll understand if you'd just as soon tell me to screw-off.
Not like you never have.
* ; o )
All the best*
I'm going to hit the hay. I still feel every bit as strongly about the insanity of our lifestyle choices. I'm not at all happy about the current dialogue, but accept that I'm not doing a good enough job of communicating with others. I expect I'm going to continue to err on the side of bluntness. I'll close here. No tip jar or further comment from me tonight.
"Only when people feel fully loved and accepted as they are, are they capable of hearing that they should change." - Byron Katie