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From THE GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, February 11, 2004
CHEERS to Tuesday Kerry victories. Frontrunner...electable...best chance...yadda yadda yadda. But is anyone really fired up about this guy? (Even his blog is anemic: http://blog.johnkerry.com/ )
CHEERS to Wesley Clark. `Anybody But Dean' alternative bows out gracefully after poor showings in TN and VA. You're a good man...Sir!...and I'm proud to have shaken your hand. Moral of story: last-ditch "Anybody but..." campaigns don't work. And memo to Clintonistas: Gore's guy is still standing.
JEERS to Edwards's lip. I've stayed silent as long as I can! Here's a quarter...go downtown and hire a rat to chew that thing off.
[In accordance with Rule #4, Cheers and Jeers continues down in the extended copy section. What, exactly, does this accomplish again?]
JEERS to Bush Nat'l Guard payroll records. They prove...ummm...nothing. Did your fellow guard members dislike you so much that NONE of them will vouch for you?
CHEERS to Bill O'Reilly. March 18, 2003: "If the Americans go in and overthrow Saddam Hussein and it's clean, he has nothing, I will apologize to the nation, and I will not trust the Bush Administration again, all right?" February 10, 2004: "I was wrong. I am not pleased about it at all and I think all Americans should be concerned about this." Love him or hate him, he fessed up.
JEERS to misplaced priorities. Yesterday's suicide bomb in Iraq kills 50. Today's kills 47. If it happened here, it would dominate the news for years. Since it happened there, we'll be back on Martha's plum pudding and Janet's boob by noon.
JEERS to bad reporting. `Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine' charges that low-carb pioneer Robert Atkins was a "bloated 258 pounds" at his death because of his high-protein diet. A) weight gain was from fluid retention from being in coma-like state after a fall, and effect of cardiomyopathy (a non-diet-related condition) drugs. B) PCRM is a vegetarian-promoting quack group (the AMA calls them "irresponsible": http://www.ncahf.org/articles/o-r/pcrm.html ). Let the man rest already. And shame on reporters for falling for this crap.
JEERS to fundamentalist wackos. Born-again American Airlines pilot gets on intercom and urges like-minded passengers to convert non-believers in the cabin. If this nutcase had been preaching Islam, an F-16 would have been scrambled to shoot the $#!$@ plane out of the sky.
CHEERS to Count Dracula. Turns out vampire bats secrete a clot-busting substance that can help stroke victims. Sorry about that whole stake-through-the-heart misunderstanding.
CHEERS to James Jordan , Jr. Advertising pioneer dies at 73. You may not know the name, but you know his slogans: "Wisk beats ring around the collar," "Quaker Oatmeal, it's the right thing to do," "Zest-fully clean," "Delta is ready when you are." I hate it when we lose titans in my profession.
CHEERS to George Lucas. Original Star Wars trilogy (New Hope, Empire, Jedi)---plus 4th disc of extras---to be released on DVD in September. And only 673,900 minutes until Episode III!!
CHEERS to the big dogs. Josh, a 155-pound Newfoundland, wins Westminster dog show. But it wasn't the same without Fred Willard doing play-by-play.
What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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