From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Hell hath no fury like a Mainer scorned...
"I am writing to express my outrage at the current state of politics in this country. Conservative Republicans are pandering so hard to the religious right that they are now framing all opposition to their policies as an attack on `people of faith.'
"The current battle over the use of the filibuster in the judicial confirmation process is an example of this. What happened to the concept of the loyal opposition? Opponents of Bush and his right-wing supporters love this country just as much as the radical right professes to do. No political party or religious group has the right to claim that God is exclusively on its side!
"The founding fathers must be rolling in their graves with this recent turn in American politics..." (David L.---Portland)
"These right-wing religious extremists ... would have us believe that those who favor the filibuster (against ultra-conservative judicial nominees) are opposed to religion.
"I want to remind them of what Maine Sen. George Mitchell said to Oliver North during the Iran-Contra hearings back in 1987: "Remember that it is possible for an American to disagree with you on aid to the Contras and still love God and still love this country just as much as you do."
"People who disagree with conservatives on the issues of the filibuster and ending discrimination against Maine's citizens should not be denounced as unpatriotic, un-Christian or anti-religious.
We are people of faith who believe in God and love our country deeply. Please remember that." (Haven J.---Pownal)
From today's Portland Press Herald
Cheers and Jeers prays for sanity in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, May 12, 2005...
Note: The Pythagorean theorem---that the sum of the squares of the lengths of the sides of a right triangle is equal to the square of the length of the hypotenuse---does not work in Cheers and Jeers. We have no idea why, but mathematicians hate us for it.
By the Numbers:
Days `til `Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith': 7
Percent of women who say a unibrow is a turnoff: 84%
Length of the average male infant's umbilical cord: 22 inches
Percent of men who have seen their mom naked: 37%
(Source for the above 3: Men's Health)
Amount the United States owes creditors: $7.8 trillion
Height of $7.8 trillion in a stack of $1 bills: 812,000 miles
(Source: BusinessWeek)
Number of letters in "Bolton Is A Boob": 13
Your Puppy Pic of the Day Happiness is a warm...penguin??
CHEERS to happy endings. A tiny plane flew into restricted DC airspace yesterday, prompting an evacuation of the White House and scrambling a Black Hawk chopper and a pair of F-16s within seconds. Turns out it was just a false alarm and no charges will be filed. Now, tell me again why we didn't react that quickly when 4 airliners veered off course on September 11th? Just curious.
JEERS to John Bolton, SB. As in, Swinger, Baby!! Publisher Larry Flynt (via The Raw Story) reveals divorce records that show the future middle-finger-extender to the U.N. really knows how to let his mismatched hair...and pants...down. Yet another Republican pillar of family values. "When I grow up, Daddy, I wanna be just like him!"
P.S. Looks like the creep is going to get bounced out of committee today. If you're keeping score, that would be Stupid GOP decision #32,765.
CHEERS to Yogi Berra. And happy 80th birthday to the baseball legend! There are too many brilliant Yogi-isms to count, but one stands out as an apt statement on the Iraq War vs. Vietnam: "It's like déjà vu all over again." Now, feast on a few more. It's like verbal crack.
JEERS to flying the Unfriendly Skies. On Tuesday United Airlines became the largest pension fund defaulter since the first caveman tried to fly by jumping off a cliff while flapping his arms. The amount of fiscal baggage they're tossing: $6.6 fricking billion. From now on, I'm arranging my own transportation in protest. "Cocktail, Mr. Bill?" "Why yes, that would be lovely."
CHEERS to great moments in history. 212 years ago, the self-flushing toilet was patented. It was voice-activated: "New bucket, wench!"
CHEERS to the milbloggers. "Imagine some of the soldiers who survived the Battle of Gettysburg stopping the next day to write their dramatic tales---and people around the world instantly reading them. If that battle had been fought today, no imagination would be necessary." That's how USA Today starts its nifty article on troops in Iraq and Afghanistan who have their own blogs. If you guys ever need fresh khaki jammies, you just let us know.
JEERS to belated mea culpas. Songwriters Richard and Robert Sherman have offered a sweeping apology for inflicting the tune "It's a Small World (After All)" on the planet. Too late, guys. The damage is [TwitchTwitch] irreversible.
CHEERS to Baby Radio. 96 years ago, Wireless Radio Broadcasting was patented by Kentucky farmer Nathan B Stubblefield. It looked something like this. They called it the golden age of radio for a reason. Rush wasn't on yet.
JEERS to global warming. Cartoonist Adrian Raeside shows us the day at the beach of the future. The suntan lotion? SPF 5000.
CHEERS or JEERS to polar opposites. In this week's Time magazine, Joe Klein says: Hillary in '08? No way! In this week's Newsweek, Anna Quindlen says: Hillary in `08? Way! What sayeth you? Your poll awaits.
C&J Flashback: May 12, 2004...
CHEERS to the Good Guys. As the Abu Ghraib scandal rages on, C&J goes on record: the vast majority of our troops are serving honorably under terrible circumstances. And by terrible we mean having Bush as your boss.
CHEERS to `DodgeBall.' Best...Movie...Of...The...Summer. Let the Rip Torn ("You can dodge a wrench...you can dodge a ball") Best Supporting Actor campaign begin! [5/12/05 Update: All I can figure is that I wrote that right after I got hit by a wrench.]
And just one more...
CHEERS to the ultimate cure-all. Now the truth can be told. What magical power sustained us through our post-election doldrums last fall, you ask? Twas the healing power of twirling vermin. (And it cured our gout, too!)
Floor's open. What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless Testimonial:
"I've been told it seemed more orderly than when we read Cheers and Jeers this past June during President Reagan's funeral. I think there was a lot less panic on everybody's part."
Capitol Police Chief Terrance Gainer
5/11/05
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