From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
The Late-Nighters pile on Rove...
"Karl Rove is in a lot of trouble. The White House says today that President Bush is standing by his top advisor Karl Rove even though Rove apparently revealed the identity of a CIA agent. However, Bush did say he would fire Rove if he revealed the end of `Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.'"
--Conan O'Brien
"This is a tough situation for President Bush because he and Rove are very close. And a friend of both was quoted saying today they finish each other's sentences. Although I am pretty sure Bush starts the sentence, and then the other guy finishes."
--Jay Leno
"Suspicion for the leak was immediately cast on White House adviser and long-time Bush confidante Karl Rove, known as one of the few men in Washington with flesh-colored hair."
--Jon Stewart
"Karl Rove is really not worried about this because he knows Bush is extremely loyal to his staff. He never likes to fire his staff---not out of loyalty; he hates having to learn new names."
--Jay Leno
Cheers and Jeers leaks like a sieve in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Cheers for Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Note: Catapultam habeo. Isi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane. (I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head.)
By the Numbers:
Days `til the 25th Blistered Fingers Family Bluegrass Festival in Sidney, Maine: 37
Percent of July that's over: 61%
Percent of Americans who are now following the Rove scandal "closely": 53%
(Source: ABC News poll)
Increase in medical-malpractice payouts by 15 leading insurance companies from 2000 to 2004: 5.7%
Increase in net premiums collected by those 15 companies during the same period: 120%
(Source: Time)
Number of letters in "You shameless money-grubbing vulture assholes": 40
Your Puppy Pic of the Day: To the rescue!! C&J'er Kelk sent us this action shot (taken by his partner) of their shepusky, Aurora Redwood. I assume there's a Snow Cat following right behind...with a decent First Class section.
CHEERS to the arrows of misfortune. Check out Newsweek's Conventional Wisdom Watch, but be careful you don't get stabbed in the foot. How the mighty do fall...
JEERS to pouring gasoline on the fire. Lovely: a new report says that terrorists pouring into Iraq didn't become terrorists until Bush started pouring troops into Iraq. Pour me a stiff one.
CHEERS to the return of Jedi Bob. The most excellent Bob's Newswire---which was on hiatus for several lonely weeks---is back in business, baby! Bookmark it under: `Sites that make Drudge irrelevant.'
JEERS to bowling for bikers. In Yarmouth, Maine, an 88 year-old driver veered into the wrong lane and plowed into a gaggle of bike racers, "sending more than a dozen to the pavement at speeds near 40 mph." 12 were taken to the hospital. All we can say is, thank God it wasn't worse. Strap on your helmet and take the poll.
CHEERS to the chain of command. 58 years ago yesterday, in 1947, President Truman signed the Presidential Succession Act, which clearly establishes who takes over if the president dies or is incapacitated. Let's see: Cheney, Hastert, Stevens, Rice, Snow, Rumsfeld, Gonzales, Doc, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey... Oh wait...he's president.
JEERS to John McCain. Not for appearing in a movie ("Wedding Crashers") that has a few gratuitous titty shots in it...but for being in a movie ("Wedding Crashers") that totally blows.
JEERS to the rules of the Rove. It's very simple, really, as the ACLU and Greenpeace are finding out: criticize the White House...and get investigated as a potential terrorist organization. J. Edgar Hoover would be all a-jiggle with glee.
CHEERS to Jonathan Alter. For his spot-on, must-read analysis in Newsweek of what the Fitzgerald investigation is all about. Namely, "...how easy it was to get into Iraq and how hard it will be to get out. We got in because we `cooked' the intelligence, then hyped it. That's why the `Downing Street Memo' is not a smoking gun but a big `duh.'" That last word, by the way, is a direct quote from Bush.
JEERS to playing footsies with the devil. This makes me sick. Rick Santorum's senior spokesman, Robert "Will You Be My Daddy?" Traynham is outed as being both gay and stupid. Stupid because his boss would like nothing better than for gay people to disappear (if ya know what I mean...). Santorum praised Traynham while Traynham gushed, "I am very proud to be with him." Oh, get a room...
CHEERS to George McGovern. Happy 83rd birthday to the former U.S. Senator and Democratic presidential contender. Please forgive us for our collective national brain fart in '72.
JEERS to Justice! Justice! Justice Sunday!! August 14th the fundy knuckledraggers are Back!...In!...Action! Watch Dobson, Miller, Schlafly, and Squirt the Wonder Squid attempt the amazing feat of ramming a Supreme Court nominee down America's throat. And if they're as successful with that as they were last time with the filibuster, they'll be cleaning vomit out of their hair for weeks. Don't...miss it!!
CHEERS to tee time. Tiger Woods wins his second British Open and, with 10 majors, becomes the third-winningest golfer after Jack Nicklaus and Walter Hagen. Big deal; I'm the #1-losingest golfer after a couple of drinks.
CHEERS to Democratic heroes. Yesterday we wished a happy 84th birthday to John Glenn. An astronaut and former reality-based senator from Ohio who still craps bigger ones than Bush, Cheney and Rove combined. In the DVD player tonight: `The Right Stuff.' ("Get outta here, you gadgets!")
JEERS to root rot---the sequel. C&J goes back into the dentist chair later this morning to finish the root canal from hell. And this time my answer will be, "Yes, it's safe! Very very safe! Super Duper Double Secret Safe! Mommy!!!"
C&J Flashback: July 19, 2004...
CHEERS to the wrong father scorned. Tucker Carlson says John Edwards' law career consists of little more than "Jacuzzi cases." Steve Soto over at the Left Coaster blog lets him have it: with both barrels. I hope someone gets that encounter on video.
JEERS to bad medicine. New tougher guidelines on cholesterol levels were determined in large part by researchers with strong financial ties to pharmaceutical companies who make---zounds!---cholesterol-lowering drugs. All it makes me want to reach for is aspirin.
And just one more...
JEERS to climate change. Hey everyone, there's a summer barbeque goin' on right now at the corner of North Cushman and Shoreway Avenue! You bring the drinks... we'll supply the ice! Kyoto Treaty? Thppppthtttt...
Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless Testimonial:
"Cheers and Jeers returned to form in this quarter."
IBM Chairman and CEO Sam Palmisano
7/18/05
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