Scene: President George W. Bush has just finished publicly announcing his appointment of Margaret L. Spellings, his domestic policy advisor, as the country's new Secretary of Education. Spellings, 46 years old and rather, uh...HOT in a school teacher/prim/dominatrice-type way, had become very emotional during the swearing-in ceremony and President Bush is now "comforting" her, with his wife Laura Bush, his newly appointed Secretary of State Condi Rice, and Chief of Staff Andy Card watching.
Condi: That was a lovely announcement ceremony, Margaret, but not nearly as nice as the one I had yesterday.
Spellings: Yeah, right, I watched your ceremony, DOCTOR Rice, and George looked about as fond of you as he is of John Kerry.
Rice: I don't know WHAT you are talking about, Ms. Spellings, if I'm not mistaken the President kissed ME twice on the cheek.
Spellings: Yeah, well, whoop-de-do Ms. "Get-Thee-To-A-Nunnery," he kissed ME right on the lips!
Rice: Oooh, like I'm supposed to be IMPRESSED or something? Look, bitch, I'm gonna be Secretary of State and you're going to be, like, Secretary of Kindergarten or Nursery School or something.
Spellings: Well, as we kids say in nursery school, "Sticks and stones can break my bones but names can never hurt me!" Anyway, George called ME an "incredible, special person." That means he luv luv looooves me!!
Rice (slaps Spellings in the face): You bitch, don't you say he luvs you, he's MY husband!
Laura (slaps Condi in the face): What the f*** are you talking about, you crazy gap-toothed bitch, he's MY husband! He's YOUR President!
Spellings (slaps Laura in the face): I didn't notice him appointing YOU to anything!
Rice (slaps Spellings and then Laura in the face): He spends more time with me than he does with the two of you combined!
Laura (slaps Condi again): Maybe that's because he thinks you're just another one of the guys!
Rice, Spellings and Laura Bush all slap each other in the face, over and over again, as the President looks on with a fratboy smirk on his face and a smarmy twinkle in his eye:
Bush: So Andy, whaddya think of this? Haven't seen anything quite like it since those girls were all fighting over me back in 1972 when I was snorting coke, playing coed volleyball and pretending to serve in the Alabama Air National Guard service. Yeah, those were some fun times back then.
Card: I'm sure they were, Mr. President.
Bush: But, I guess we should probably break this one up before somebody gets hurt and I've got to find a couple of replacement Cabinet members. Heh heh heh.
Card: Mr. President, seriously, I wouldn't recommend jumping into the middle of THAT catfight!
Bush: No problem, you just go and tell the Secret Service to get their lazy butts in here pronto. And tell `em to bring some mace!
Card: You got it, sir!
(Slap. Slap. Slap. Slap. ENTER SECRET SERVICE. Spray. Spray. Spray. Scream! Ow, my eyes!!! Scream! Slap. Slap.)
The End.