Overheard in Tom DeLay's Bedroom Last Night

Apparently, Democratic operatives have placed a video camera and bug in Tom DeLay's bedroom. The transcript from last night has just been released:

DELAY (kneeling beside bed): And, Lord, please keep me safe from terrorists, and make me Speaker of the House one day, or maybe President! And please keep me rich....

GOD (booming voice): TOM?

DELAY: ...and please let us drill in ANWR and please make abortion illegal...

GOD: TOM???

DELAY: ...and make the ACLU go away....

GOD: TOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!

DELAY: Um, huh? Who is that?

GOD: IT'S GOD.

DELAY: OH LORD OH LORD OH LORD. Should I speak in tongues, or something? BWERLKLKERLWKELWKELKLJLK!!!!!

Transcript continues...

GOD: No Tom. That's not necessary. Tom...I have a question for you. Do you remember what you said a few months ago when you were praying about the Ethics Committee?

Delay: Um, ah, um...no. I don't remember...

GOD: Let me remind you. ALEX!!!! CAN YOU COME IN HERE?

DELAY: Who's that?

GOD: Alexander Graham Bell. He's still tinkering around. Now he's all into this "iPod" thing. Says it's the "shizzle," whatever that means. I should have stopped with these computers after the Commodore VIC-20.

BELL: Here you go. Just press here to play.

DELAY (on tape): Oh dear God. Please PLEASE PLEASE let them change the rules so I can't lose the my job if Earle indicts me. I'll do anything for you. I'll stop grandstanding. I'll take care of the poor. I'll stop using religion for political gain. OH PLEASE JUST FIX THE ETHICS COMMITTEE!!!!

GOD: And...? What did I do?

DELAY: Um, you fixed it for me.

GOD: AND WHAT DID YOU DO???

DELAY: Um....are you referring to Terri Shiavo...?

GOD:OF COURSE I AM!!!!! DELAY -- YOU'RE THROUGH!

DELAY: NO! Please don't!!!

GOD: IT'S ALREADY DONE! Have you seen the Front Page of DailyKos?? KOS JUST POSTED YOUR NUMBERS, AND IT DOESN'T LOOK GOOD.

DELAY: ...whimper...

GOD: I must say, that Kos is really on top of things there. But Armando -- oy, what an ornery guy! ANYWAY....BACK TO YOU DELAY.

DELAY: I'll do anything! ANYTHING!!!

GOD: SORRY TOM. ONE WORD: OVERREACH. HEH.

DELAY: NOOOOOOOO.........!!!!!

Join us next week, when we overhear Tom DeLay saying:

DELAY: Oh man, I want to touch myself SO BAD!!! NO. MUST. NOT. EVIL. EVIIILLLLLLLL!!!!

curtain closes....

...and....SCENE.

•  I see

  So God doesn't like Armando.

  by kbse matt on Sun Apr 03, 2005 at 12:44:51 PM PDT

  •  Hey...

    who is God to judge, right?

    by cscs on Sun Apr 03, 2005 at 12:47:05 PM PDT

•  His bargain

  At this point, Delay has to be bargaining.

  What are his chips to play and who wants them?

  by kfred on Sun Apr 03, 2005 at 12:48:58 PM PDT

  •  I wouldn't want his chips...

    ...word is that he double dips.

    DFooK

    by deepfish on Sun Apr 03, 2005 at 12:56:10 PM PDT

    •  Eeeewwww. n/t

      by cscs on Sun Apr 03, 2005 at 12:59:29 PM PDT

  •  His chips are worthless

    The Repubs are abandoning him left and right. I, along with many, are looking forward to his public demise.

    What goes around, Karma, and all that, I guess....

    by cscs on Sun Apr 03, 2005 at 01:01:16 PM PDT

•  Hay, I thought Armando...

  had bagged this joint along with jeremymc, openthread and pyrrho to start a blog called dailyshmos.

  by boran2 on Sun Apr 03, 2005 at 01:25:11 PM PDT