Bow Tie Boy is getting the back-forty treatment. MSNBC has his show on at 11pm Eastern.
I would love to get drunk with Tucker. For some reason, he brings out the schoolyard bully in me. Tucker Carlson makes me want to put tape on my cat's paws.
Leave the cat alone, for what has the cat done, that you should so afflict it with tape? And hum not that humming in your nose as I read, nor stand between the light and the book. Indeed, you will drive me to madness. Nor forget what I said about the tape.
But I hate to see so much fun go to waste. I have a final solution to the Bow Tie Boy question, so that we may all continue to enjoy him.
The details of my fiendishly brilliant plan lie below the fold.
Tucker wrote an
article in Esquire about going to Iraq and hangin out with the Blackwater mercenary posse. Dude said he was holding an AK47 and thought at one point he was gonna have to shoot somebody. Yeah, this guy:
right here.
For some reason, the thought of Little Lord Fauntleroy shitting his boxer briefs was pleasing. I'd like to see him do it more often.
We all remember how his preppy little ass got OWNED by Jon Stewart on Crossfire. None of us will ever forget that. And what about the anvil Rachel Maddow threw him over Osama bin Laden?
"He sounds like Ken Melhman, only less gay!"
Quoth Tucker:
"Well, I think I'm just gonna
blow by that one......."
You laughed like hell, and you know you did.
I think I've found Tucker's calling. Yes, indeed, I believe with all my heart that I have..
As we all know, Tucker's network, MSNBC, has some quality shit on weeknights at 8pm ET. So what do you think of maybe doing a Left vs Right segment for five to seven minutes a night on Countdown?
Call me sadistic, call me mean-spirited, call me whatever you want, but you know that you'd love to see Keith slap that little fuck around on a nightly basis. Hell, I'd PAY to see that.
And you know you would too.
LET TUCKER CARLSON BECOME KEITH OLBERMANN'S ALAN COLMES.
IT IS HIS DESTINY!
I don't know why I'm bothering with a poll, I just had to ask.
Because you KNOW you want it.