My fictional abortion story, and male veto power
Tue Jun 14, 2005 at 12:18:34 PM PDT
As most of you know, I'm a writer. And I've actually written a bit about abortion. This is fiction, yes, but this--plus the real-life kicker at the end--is my response to "Why men don't get veto power."
It happened in my big epic novel. Sophia and Warren were sophomores in college when she discovered she was pregnant. Long-term relationship--since freshman year in high school--not without its ups and downs but very stable by that point.
Sophie suspected, but was in a bit of denial. When she could no longer ignore the symptoms, she got a pregnancy test. It was positive.
Her first instinct? Abortion.
Read on.
One of the reasons that her first instinct was abortion was because she was certain that Warren would want her to. Warren was a good student, very driven, a pre-med, who'd known what he wanted since he was 10. As Sophie herself says, "Driven, over-achieving Warren? The Man with the Plan? Of course he's going to want me to get rid of it." Plus, all this is complicated by the fact that they're supposed to go compete in the Olympics in three weeks. (This is a complicated story :-)).
So, she goes to tell Warren. And it quickly becomes obvious to Sophie that Warren's not responding how she thought he would. He tells her it's her decision. When she presses him for his opinion, he finally tells her: "It'll break my heart. I will get over it and it is your decision, but if you abort it'll break my heart."
She quizzes him about his committment to her. He reiterates it. She brings up the Olympics--he reminded her that she's still in the first trimester and that Ice Dance is a low-impact activity. She tells her to ask an ob-gyn to make sure, but he doesn't think there will be any problem with ice dancing in the first trimester. (I consulted an ob-gyn friend about that before I wrote it that way, by the way.)
She mulls it over. She talks to her mother, who had Sophie young herself. SHe goes and talks to the ob-gyn.
Then she decides to have the baby.
They named her Betsy. She was fine. They got married a year after Besty arrived.
And they won the silver medal at the Olympics. I do try to write mostly-happy stories :-).
This is fiction, but here's the real-life kicker: After I posted those chapters, I got no less than five emails from women that said, "Oh, I wish I had Warren when I was going through that. I might not have aborted. Warren's are rare in this world."
Five. Out of my couple-thousand readers. That stunned me. I hit a nerve and didn't even realize it.
And that is why men don't have veto power. How many abortions take place over the objections of a trusted, committed, loved partner? My guess is--very few, if any. Either both partners agree that this is a bad time to be having a kid, or the man is indifferent or worse. Financial resources play a part, even in the mutual-decision part. (Warren and Sophia, despite being college students, have financial resources due to the ice skating, something I make very plain in the story, as it does make a difference.)
So, we don't have veto power--but we do get to say, "I love you. We can do this. I'll be here." Too many men don't ever say it. And saying it, while not a veto, makes it a whole new ballgame.
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