Last night, Armando front-paged
some truly outrageous and horrific comments from the nation's arbiter of all things virtuous, Bill Bennett.
Here's what Bill said on his radio program:
But I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could -- if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down. That would be an impossible, ridiculous, and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down. So these far-out, these far-reaching, extensive extrapolations are, I think, tricky.
[Note: There was more of this inanity. If you'd like to see Bill's comments in their entirety -- just to prove that this ludicrousness was not taken out of context -- go Media Matters.]
So in Armando's piece, I proposed a game whereby we replace the portions of Bill's statement underlined and italicized, above, with our own outrageous and ridiculous theories. As dkos poster, contraption, put it, this is kind of a "Mad Libs for genocidal bigots!"
(more)
I made up the first entry in the game:
But I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce my weight, you could -- if that were your sole purpose, you could slice off my entire, gigantic, fat fucking ass, and my weight would go down. That would be an impossible, ridiculous, and morally reprehensible thing to do, but my weight would go down. So these far-out, these far-reaching, extensive extrapolations are, I think, tricky.
I later added this one:
But I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce your intellectual capacity, you could -- if that were your sole purpose, you could listen to my radio show and read my books, and your intellectual capacity would go down. That would be an impossible, ridiculous, and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your intellectual capacity would go down. So these far-out, these far-reaching, extensive extrapolations are, I think, tricky.
A few more from last night. This, from contraption:
But I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce cultural decay, you could -- if that were your sole purpose, you could gas all the homosexuals, and cultural decay would go down. That would be an impossible, ridiculous, and morally reprehensible thing to do, but cultural decay would go down. So these far-out, these far-reaching, extensive extrapolations are, I think, tricky.
And from gp39m:
But I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce my penis size, you could -- if that were your sole purpose, you could cut off my access to my Email on the Internets, and my penis size would go down. That would be an impossible, ridiculous, and morally reprehensible thing to do, but my penis size would go down. So these far-out, these far-reaching, extensive extrapolations are, I think, tricky.
There are more fun entries to be found at in this thread in Armando's front-pager.
So come on down and play along! We probably can't make up any Bill Bennett Mad Libs that are loonier than his original comments, but we can have fun trying!