Maybe I'm a little paranoid about being
Left Behind, but I'm starting to suspect that this
rapture thingy has already happened. I see laundry -- shoes, underwear, socks -- all over the place (especially in the park) and all of Bush's supporters seem to be disappearing. These, I fear, are the footprints of prophecy fulfilled.
In this diary, I will attempt to prove that all of the bizarre phenomena we are all witness to is a direct result of a secret rapture.
Many Christians in the prophetic realm today believe that when the rapture takes place, very few individuals left behind will understand the true reason for its occurrence. The common reasoning portrays the people left behind as being stunned at first, but then quickly developing some sort of amnesia.
Follow me to the bowels of hell.
Here is exhibit A:
In Left Behind, it was depicted as people disappearing, but leaving their clothes behind in a pile. If they were driving cars, they careen into other cars upon losing their drivers. The view is echoed in the popular bumper sticker which reads "In case of Rapture, this car will be unmanned."
And from here:
Moments after blocking traffic at the site of a two-car collision at Meridian and New York streets Tuesday, Lt. Steve Turner looked in the rear-view mirror of his squad car and saw a driverless car speeding toward him.
Turner hit his gas pedal and sped away south on Meridian Street. The driverless car closed in, then slammed head-on into a car parked near Christ Church Cathedral on Monument Circle.
Look at the facts. A driverless car smashes into another car parked at not just any church cathedral, but Christ Church Cathedral. Obviously, the owner of this car was on the way to church when the Almighty snatched him or her up like an owl would a mouse. It makes perfect sense that someone going to church would qualify for salvation.
Exhibit B: The clothes
Police divers have searched the River Avon in Bath after a pile of neatly folded clothes was found on the bank.
Officers were called to a section of the river near the Sainsbury's store in Green Park Road at 1420 BST on Saturday after a man spotted the clothes.
If this were only an isolated incidence, it could be overlooked. More and more, however, I'm seeing clothes strewn all over the neighborhood, on the highway, shoes on power lines and underwear in the park.
Apparently, people don't need clothes in God's Kingdom. I suppose they go directly to get fitted for a robe, As a result, I have a pair of free jeans and a tee shirt that reads, "I heart Christ."
Exhibit C:Bush supporters are gone.
Bush Dead-Enders Poised to Hit Endangered Species List
American Minority Fringe Continues to Control Majority of Government
Who are the Bush dead-enders? Latest poll...
Bush Approval Rating: 34%
Cheney Approval Rating: 18%
With a plus 90% approval rating at the beginning of Enduring Freedom, Bush had about as much support as any President in history. Now, with his approval ratings at about 29%, Bush has among the lowest in history. Could anyone be that bad of a fuck up as to lose that much support that fast? No, it's scientifically impossible. The only explanation is a supernatural one. All evidence points to a secret rapture.
Again, I ask you to consider the facts. Bush supporters are religious. They think God chose Bush to be President. They're all gone. As Pink Floyd would say, "The evidence before the court is incontrovertible. There's no need for the jury to retire."
One may ask why aren't ALL of Bush supporters gone? I would not all Bush supporters have led good enough lives to get into Heaven. Most likely, they've all committed one or more of the seven deadly sins.
Consider these examples:
Pride
Greed
Lust
Envy
Gluttony
Wrath
Sloth
I rest my case.
hink