I have been compiling interesting and funny phrases and quotes for a while, mostly political, or satire, and this is the final product. This is purely for entertainment, so enjoy as you wish for the end of the week!
"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'nice doggie' till you can find a rock."
"The word politics comes from the Latin word 'poli', meaning people, and then referring to tics, blood-sucking creatures"
"Only in America do they leave the doors of the bank open, but chain the pens to the desk."
"The Administration takes this development seriously. Botox, of course, is related to the botulism toxin, which can be processed into high-grade biological weapons. We have dispatched Dr. David Kay . . . to search for the bio-warfare agents we believe hidden in Senator Kerry's forehead. If Senator Kerry has used botox as part of a wrinkle enrichment program, he is in violation of U.N. Resolution 752. Upon receiving Dr. Kay's report, the weapons of mass destruction that Senator Kerry so adamantly insists do not exist . . . may well be above his very nose." -Dick Cheney
"You don't have to be faster than the bear... You just have to be faster than the slowest guy being chased by the bear!"
"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."
"Bush is Satan's pet monkey."
"Do Spanish people play a card game called "One"?"
"ö- If you don't talk to your cat about catnip... who will?"
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon"
"I don't like people who take drugs... Customs men, for example."
"Only in America do people order super-sized fries, a super-sized whopper, and a Diet Coke."
"Don't support gay marriage? Don't have one.
Don't support abortion? Don't get one.
Do support the war? Go enlist.
Don't agree with me? Go f*ck yourself."
"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies in the final sense a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed."
-President Dwight D. Eisenhower April 16, 1953
"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done"
"Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people."
"There's nothing you can learn in college that you can't learn from a manic-depressive hobo named Crackers."
"The four horsemen of the apocalypse: Ignorance (Bush) Greed (Cheney) War (Rumsfeld) Intolerance (Gonzales)... Bush/Cheney 2004: Because you can't change horsemen in the middle of an apocalypse!"
"If ignorance is bliss, school is a deliberate attempt on its part to deprive me of happiness, the pursuit of which is my unalienable right according to the Declaration of Independence. I therefore assert my patriotic prerogative not to know the material at hand."
ANOTHER SECTION WILL BE POSTED IN A FEW MINUTES.