(Eventually this kind of silliness and satire will be available at
The American Factotum)
Atlanta, Georgia - Jan. 10, 2006 - Following the first day of confirmation hearings by the Senate judiciary committee, Soledad O'Brien, anchor of CNN's American Morning, wondered yesterday if harsh criticisms leveled against U.S. Supreme Court nominee Samuel A. Alito, Jr. bother him on a personal level.
"All of those Democratic senators were so mean to mean to him," O'Brien lamented, shaking her head. "Like when Ted Kennedy (D-MA) said that Mr. Alito supported the idea of an all-powerful presidency... how did he keep from, you know, feeling sad and embarrassed? Down in the dumps?"
Alito, 55, has served on the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 3rd Circuit for the last fifteen years. President Bush nominated Alito on October 31, 2005, to fill Sandra Day O'Connor's seat on the highest court in the land.
Using her delicate hands, O'Brien lifted a coffee mug to her lips, gingerly sipping a hot latte prepared by a college-aged production assistant.
"And what about that meanie Russ Feingold (D-WI)? I felt so bad when that guy brought up Alito's substantial investments in the Vanguard mutual funds company, and how during Alito's 1990 confirmation hearing to the federal appeals court he pledged to recuse himself from any case involving Vanguard. Senator Feingold had the nerve to point out that Alito broke his promise in 2002 and sat on a panel in case involving Vanguard anyway. How rude!
"To add insult to injury, Feingold said that, given the current environment of corruption in Washington, America needs judges who are beyond ethical reproach. Like Sam Alito didn't know he was talking about him! How could Sammy stand it? I would have run out of there in tears. And Alito's mother was there, too, right behind him! Who does Feingold think he is?"
O'Brien has anchored American Morning since joining the cable news giant CNN in 2003. She was named to People magazine's ridiculous "50 Most Beautiful" list in 2001.
"I wonder," O'Brien said. "Alito seems like such a nice man. A family man. After those Democratic senators like (Charles) Schumer and (Dick) Durbin were done saying awful things about him, I just know he wanted to stand up and shout, `Hey, I know you were talking about me! You're weren't being very nice!'"