Once upon a time, a Texan with a s@@t eating grin on his face landed on an aircraft carrier in a fighter plane, stepped out in full fighter pilot garb, and proudly declared "Mission Accomplished!"...despite all indications at the time being that, well, not a whole lot had been accomplished.
But the media didn't care, god damn it, he had a flight suit on! Just look at his crotch, that's a man so proud of his accomplishments he put an extra sock in there! How could we critique him at a time like that? ZOOM ZOOM!
Well, today is another one of those days where the President needs us to eat a s@@t sandwhich and smile about it. So how can he top what he has already done? Well, the answer is simple...
Firstly, he needs to convert the roof of the Congress so it can retract. Now, this job needs to be done quickly and right, so that instantly disqualifies Haliburton. But details and facts aren't the President's strong point, so he'll just let his aides worry about doing that. That's worked so well in the past, you know!
Now, once he has an open roof, he needs to get fitted for fatiques. I'm talking full camo, full face paint, damn it George, don't even shave today so you look nice and scruffy! Two socks in the crotch, you have to make this one count!
So, we have an open roof, and a well jacked crotch in fatigues. Now we need to get an Apache helicopter. Get one that's seen some action, has a few holes in it, get across just how real this s@@t is.
At this point, we have the President hovering above an open roofed Congress in fatigues. Obviously, he needs to parachute down, while holding an Uzi. And that Uzi better have a shine to it!
While the President floats down to Congress, he needs to kill 15 or so "terrorists" that his aides have planted in the crowd. You try to guess which ones they are, I think you might be surprised! Sure, he might accidentily shoot a few of those "other" brown people, but hey, war is hell!
And finally, we have the President safely land in the halls of Congress, full fatigues, gun in hand, 15 to 20 (depending on how many other brown people accidentily die) dead bodies...and a well jacked crotch.
Now, all Bush has to say is "I don't have ta even give no state o' no union! Didja see what I just did? I was fighting fer freedom! I'm a fighter. It's what I do! ZOOM! ZOOM!" and walk away.
And that, ladies and gentleman, is what it would take to get this country to smile and nod, and turn our attention away from the fact that he has no plan, has no ideas, and only can scare us into submission or wow us with spectacle to try to take our minds off of what really matters. Because short of the above, he's f****d!