If you watched MSNBC last night before the SOTU, you were treated to some of the most perceptive and insightful commentary to grace the screen since Edward R. Murrow took dead aim at Senator Joseph McCarthy.
I've transcribed some of the finest repartee for DailyKos. Enjoy!!!
MATTHEWS: And we're back with more State of the Union coverage. Nora, there's Laura Bush. Is there anyone in the country more popular than her? She's just the best.
O'DONNELL: She sure is, Chris. Such a staunch defender of her husband. One gets the impression that she would rip a man's eyes right out of his skull if he uttered a cross word about the President. And she looks dazzling in that pink suit.
MATTHEWS: You know, I'm just a regular Joe. As a regular Joe, I see pink, I think communist. But seeing the First Lady there in that pink suit, it's got me thinking differently, even as a regular Joe. I'm starting to think pink might be the new red, white and blue.
O'DONNELL: That's the undeniable magic of this White House, Chris. It's their ability to stay on message. Over time, people come around to new ways of thinking. Even regular Joes like you.
MATTHEWS: Unlike the hapless Democrats these days. Every time you hear one of them shrieking on about the war it's like you're listening to a goddamned carnival barker hopped up on methamphetamine and negativity. All of their good ideas are lost in a cacophony of drum circles and banging pots. Hell, I can't even remember what a single idea of theirs is right now, that's how grating and shrill I find these sons of bitches.
O'DONNELL: It's important to remember, though, Chris, that Democrats are more than just the party of Janeane Garofolo, Cindy Sheehan, Ted "Chappaquidick" Kennedy, Michael Moore, Timothy McVeigh, Mohammed Atta, Ted Bundy, John Wayne Gacy and Hannibal Lecter. Just because so many prominent Democrats might be shrill rabblerousers, terrorists, or flesh-eating serial killers does not mean that all Democrats are like that.
MATTHEWS: Hold on a minute...Mohammed Atta was a Democrat?
O'DONNELL: I didn't say that, Chris. You did.
MATTHEWS: Wow, you heard it here first, folks. [PAUSE] Now we see those etched glass doors swing open...and there he is. George W. Bush. Let's listen to this applause. Nora, have you ever heard applause like this for a President?
O'DONNELL: It's fucking thunderous, Chris. I feel like I'm sitting on a laundry machine, and I like it.
MATTHEWS: This is what he's really good at, isn't it? Walking and smiling. He does them both expertly, and at the same time, even. Look at the way one side of the aisle is climbing over each other just to brush the hem of his garment, and the way the other side seems to be actually magnetically repelled by the pheromones that are issuing from his glands.
O'DONNELL: If that man were not married to the finest woman on this planet and possibly the galaxy, this nubile 24-year old would fuck him like he's never been fucked, Chris. I would perform acts on him so utterly salacious and lewd that his dead grandfather Prescott would rise and walk out of his grave with an American flag draped off his throbbing erection. I'm getting moist just thinking about it.
MATTHEWS: Quite an image. What is it about President Bush that stirs that kind of patriotism in people, Nora?
O'DONNELL: Chris, one word: hunkitude.
MATTHEWS: HAHAHAHAHA. Can't argue with you there, Nora. Thank you for your commentary and for showing me your panties before. Let's decant ourselves another Grand Marnier and settle in for some Presidential wisdom, shall we?