Bob Johnson sets the rules. I just follow them.
Sentence about Cheney shooting
He did it on purpose.
Comment about press coverage of Cheney shooting.
They're ignoring all the possible motives Cheney would have to shoot Whittington.
Sentence that includes the words, "drunk," "Britt Hume," and "Fox."
Brit Hume punch-fucks drunk foxes.
Comment about spray pattern of shotgun pellets.
The Virgin Mary was in the pattern.
Possible link to article that has been linked in seven previous diaries.
Here
Summary snarky line.
Find out my theories as to why Cheney shot Whittington below:
Theory 1:
I believe the Vice president shot his unwitting prey intentionally. I can't prove it, but I think the man was raised on some sort of canned lawyer farm where he was pampered all his life, though unaware that he would one day become human prey.
Theory 2:
Cheney also might have thought Whittington was carrying the bird flu. Actually, I'm convinced they were out to save the world by shooting birds. Whittington might have made Cheney promise to kill him if he were to get infected in the process. Cheney, therefore, was just doing what he had to do.
Theory 3:
We know that Cheney is fond of "flipping the bird."
That hypothesis was forwarded by none other than Bob Johnson. Flipping birds is like a gateway drug. It leads to shooting birds.
Theory 4:
A bird in the hand is worth two in the Bush.
This thing could be purely driven by profit.
Theory 5:
Either that, or this is part of the Bush Administration's effort to shore up Social Security. Perhaps a precursor "Take a Senior Citizen Hunting Day."
Save SS. Go coot hunting!