The following is a political seance with Richard M. Nixon.
"Mr. President?"
"Please, call me `President Nixon`."
"Thank you, President Nixon. How are you today?"
"I am on Cloud Nine! I have to tell you, things have never been better. My mailbox is overflowing with valentines. You miss me! You really miss me! Every day I hear someone say `I miss Nixon'. Can you believe it? Liberals actually saying `I miss Nixon'. It just breaks your heart, doesn't it? Tears of gratitude well up in my eyes whenever I think about it."
"But that's not why I'm here. I want to address the reason people are thinking of me with kindness and nostalgia. I want to talk to George Bush."
(Click More)
"Mr. President, what are you doing? You are cheerleading an effort to sell control of six United States seaports to a state-owned company of the United Arab Emirates, a country that contributed two 9/11 hijackers. You think it's a great idea and threaten to veto congressional intervention. Then, in the same news cycle, you whiplash into a pathetic `lost homework' excuse, swearing that you didn't know nothing about the deal."
"Don't you realize what you have done? You've told the American people that you favor a business transaction over their protection. You sold the USA to the UAE on CNN. And after you realized the magnitude of your betrayal, you pretended you knew nothing about it. This is where the term `incredible` comes in handy."
"You have publicly violated your solemn oath of office in two easy steps. With one action, you support foreign interests over the people and the Constitution. With another action, you attempt to avoid responsibility and hide your error. You defy both understanding and precedent. You exceed even my capacity. You are the act and the cover-up rolled into one."
"Your actions suggest worse than incompetence, worse still than complicity and cover-up. You didn't know about this deal? What other `deals' are there? Why are you selling our ports to the highest bidder? Are you and your friends in on the `deal', Mr. President? The biggest problem is the source of the money funding this purchase, a source that seems to pay for terrorism. Can you see why `treason' might be mentioned? You'll want to get proper legal representation on this, Mr. President, but I think you have left yourself open to the charge."
"Be prepared for more questions as angry Republicans controlling the House and Senate attempt damage control by denouncing a deal which, in easier days, the majority would have heartily approved given sufficient political cover. I'm sure they will be shocked, shocked by the discovery of gambling in their establishment. Again, the term `incredible' is appropriate."
"If you learned nothing from my presidency, you should have learned that lies lead to more lies, that lies will be discovered, each discovered lie weakening people's trust in all aspects of government. What you don't realize is how quickly trust erodes once the turning point is reached. The collapse can be catastrophic with serious collateral damage."
"I think you hit that tipping point, Mr. President, as soon as you started tossing the veto around. A presidential veto isn't something you use to help a friend's deal go through. The veto is a tool for guarding the Constitution. That is what you have sworn to do, Mr. President. I suggest you keep that obligation in mind as you complete your term of office."
"Good luck with the library."