(cross-posted at
Señor Teddy Stern)
Since most of you are too busy fighting the evils of the world, I'd thought I'd pop in with a Fashion Week update. Now, I don't know much about high fashion. I'm just your average blue jeans, white tee-shirt and pink sombrero kind of guy. But, after reading about how real women have curves, I thought I'd investigate just how progressive this season's latest fashions truly are.
Have you heard? Sex is back! Unbeknownst to anyone outside the fashion world, Sex slipped out for a pack of smokes. But, not to worry! It's back and just in time for Fashion Week!
According to the New York Times, fashion designers just can't cram enough Sex into their collections. According to one stylist, "We have to find a new way to interpret sex." A new way? Try soaking a sweater in endometrial fluids and then suturing calf genitals to its sleeves. Just a thought.
In all seriousness, this season's new subject matter is wonderful news to consumers, who are tiring of last season's "bean burrito" theme.
In a multimedia slideshow entitled "Fashion's Sexy Looks," the New York Times illustrates that fashion designers and newspaper editors are still more disconnected than politicians. Behold, this season's hot new looks!
Now, I may not have the cultivated tastes or subtle disposition to appreciate high fashion, but is that not a crack whore? I don't mean to be facetious. I'm just concerned. If "sex is back," it looks an awful lot like a flaccid penis wrapped in a burka. And the accompanying description is simply insensitive. "Say, it's a girly-girl look!" What? Is she the girl next door to the methadone clinic?
The caption reads "a more restricted look." Isn't she's wearing a bra on top of her sweater? That's not more restricted. That's more retarded. Children, this is what happens when your senile grandma dresses herself.
I'm sorry, but this is not sex appeal. This is corporate attire. This is not "fashion's sexy look." This is what you wear to a job interview. I can only imagine the sensual response this outfit might elicit:
First I'm gonna go to work from 9 to 5.
Oh, yeah!
Then I'm gonna submit my tax forms to the IRS.
Don't stop!
Then I'm gonna steal some office supplies.
Oh, how dangerous!
And finally, I'm gonna kiss ass for that corner office.
Wait, kiss ass?
Only a fashion designer would envision a corporate uniform as "exotic." Only a fashion editor would describe a crack whore as a "girly-girl." And only a model would agree to wear her underwear on the outside of her clothing. The New York Time's Fashion & Style section is merely a high brow equivalent of reality television.