There was a very popular diary on this site a couple of days ago entitled, "Wherein I Confront My Own Homophobia", or something like that.
I didn't actually read that diary. I already confronted and defeated (to the extent I'm capable, I guess) my own homophobia, some time back, along with my own racism, my own misogyny, my own desire to "go postal" at work, and my own toenail fungi. I'm feeling semi-well-adjusted at this point.
Still, I have to admit liking the words "Wherein I confront...". It sounds important. Like a treatise of some sort lies within. It has gravitas, like Bob Dole.
So in a fit of selfish mojo-seeking whoredom I felt like I, too, would like to create a diary using the words "wherein I confront" something. I felt for a moment like George Costanza, when he heard of a Civil War Buff, and wanted to be a "buff" himself, but couldn't decide what kind.
Being the political animal that I am, I was hoping to think of something big. Something of deep importance to the dKos community and beyond. Something that would forever expand our narrow human perspective, blueprint a political or economic revolution that would cure poverty, or at least outline an antidote to religious zealotry.
Regrettably, it was not to be. All I could come up with were stupid "Wherein I confront" titles for which I knew right off the bat I would never succeed in filling the damn things out with actual fleshy tomes worthy of the titles.
Here's what I mean. These are the diary titles I came up with:
WHEREIN I confront my own dirty socks that have been laying about on the floor for what seems like weeks now.
WHEREIN I confront my dry cleaning guy because I'm not so sure he actually cleaned that jacket. Actually.
WHEREIN I confront that guy at the deli who insists on slathering mayonnaise on my tuna sandwich when I Specifically Told Him I just wanted a little bit.
WHEREIN I confront my guilt for using a penny out of the little cup next to the cash register, when surely someone else needs it more than I do, but I really hate having to walk around all day with four pennies in my pocket.
WHEREIN I confront that guy with the mullet and the black t-shirt and ask him if he's partying in the back today.
WHEREIN I confront the reality that I got my ass kicked by a guy with a mullet.
WHEREIN I confront the fact that I'm not all that crazy about my dKos handle because it's just not all that imaginative really but I got it when I really needed to say something in a hurry and didn't think about how I would be carrying it around for the rest of my life but what can I do about it now because I couldn't possibly give up my number that I thought was pretty high at first but looks kind of within reason-low at this point.
WHEREIN I confront my cat for getting all licky and gaggy whenever I have company over.
WHEREIN I confront my cat for trying to sleep on my wife's side of the bed after she gets up even though he knows damn well she's allergic to him.
WHEREIN my cat confronts me for trying to prevent him from rolling around in the sweet sweet smell that remains when my wife exits the bed.
WHEREIN I confront my other cat for always sleeping on my feet and then looking all sweet and innocent and I don't have the will to kick him off so I can get some sleep.
WHEREIN I confront my desire to come up with a "wherein I confront something" diary even though I clearly have nothing important enough to say to actually justify writing a diary about it.
WHEREIN I confront the dKos community because I just can't quit you.
WHEREIN I confront my craving for Indian food.
WHEREIN I confront the kindness of anyone who has actually read this far, and wish him or her a most pleasant afternoon.