So after near a week of reading the pusillanimous pacifist perfiders, the yellow yammering yawpers, of the socialist left complain about the lack of "reaction" to this Colbert fellow's performance from last Saturday, I donned my reading glasses and perused
the transcript. I am forced by ineluctable reason and natural law to conclude that socialists must synchronize their funny bones to some Maoist radio frequency, unavailable to patriotic Americans.
That said, I don't understand my good friend Richard Cohen's opinionated submission at all. What was rude about Mr. Colbert's perspicacious performance of patriotism?
Mr. Colbert opened by suggesting that it was dreamlike - a particularly enthralling dream, even - to be in the presence of our Commander in Chief and war-time leader. Is this funny? Who could laugh at an honest acknowledgment of such a high honor? This comports with none of the
Aristotelian or Platonic concepts of "humor" (which is etymologically Greek, of course), the "mixture of pleasure and pain that lies in the malice of amusement." If I'm Constitutionally incapable of conceiving of that which the billowing bellows of befuddlery find humorous in a patriot's faithfully abiding social graces, then
mea culpa.
The next several paragraphs were similarly respectful. Mr. Colbert acknowledged the Commander in Chief's authenticity, with only a small digression into gastronomy. He noted a few simple facts that any real American should have learned in civics, though the left no doubt spent too much time studying propaganda to internalize those truths. He praised free trade; noted that we've turned the corner in Iraq; and offered an encomium to the dynamism of the American economy. Of course, there was none of the hate America rhetoric demanded by you masticating merkins of multiculturalism.
At that point I stopped reading, though when scrolling down to see how much I was skipping, this phrase jumped out at me: "This administration is soaring." (Once one's read the first one-eighth of a presentation, those with elevated intellects can often understand its eternal truths). Even though Mr. Colbert failed to note the obvious -- that the administration is soaring on Eagles' Wings - his unfortunate ululation of understatement can surely be overlooked (this time).
Don't blame the man for not catering to your hate America tendencies. He can't be criticized for not pandering to the unhinged comedic desires of a small minority that only appears large because it is so frothy. The froth accounts for approximately 65% of the the volume of the hate America fifth column, according to the enfallible estimates of eloquence offered by the American Enterprise Institute.
So why would Dicky call Mr. Colbert rude? Certainly, the Commander in Chief deserves a great deal of respect. I wasn't able to watch the video of the presentation. Perhaps Mr. Colbert's curtsy was insufficiently deep? Did he not bestow his salubrious saliva of sanctification on the Commander in Chief's ring? Was his salute uncrisp? Those are inexcusable, but forgivable, offenses. How many have suffered failures of will while standing erect behind those haunting haunches of he-manism, trained so unfailingly, in times of war as times of peace. We can not blame an initiate for becoming enthralled by that ensorcellment. So long as he does not repeat such hypothetical (yet so considerable as to pain the thought) affronts, it would not be prudent to indelibly brand Mr. Colbert as Rude.
Therefore, I withhold judgment.
Leftists hate America,
Dave