I never thought of myself as a racist. I don't think many of us do. It really isn't too 'PC', nor intelligent, to come out with all guns swinging against a certain ethnic group. Yet, I know that I grew up with 'white priviledge'. I grew up in a small Maine town that was very affluent, and very white. Yet, I always tried to maintain a certain level of open-mindedness about all sorts of topics, racism being one of those. Yet, today during my commute (it is about an hour) I came to realize that I haven't been as tolerant as perhaps I could. I wasn't outwardly rude to anyone, but if people could have heard my inner dialogue, I probably would have been shot. Here are some examples why....
1. I am a graduate student at a marine science laboratory, studying to get my MS degree. At the marine lab I am at now, the run a semester long program specifically for minority marine science students. The students come and take intensive marine science classes, do some outreach, do individual projects..etc. I was sitting in the computer lab yesterday, and one of the kids (he is hispanic) looked up from his computer screen bragging that he got another scholarship. Apparently, he had recieved quite a bit of money to attend school in California. So much so that he would have enough left over to buy a car. In that split second after his announcment, I had the following thought.."I am so frustrated that he gets all these scholarships because he is a minority student, and I don't get anything because I am not." Holy second grade batman, right? Then I fought the thought back, I HAVE a graduate fellowship that pays me $20,000 a year, which for a MS student is awesome. I had my college paid for me by my Dad, I bet this kid doesn't. I am on a great career path, why am I begrudging this kid his shot?
This trend is increasing in marine science, where lots of the federal money is being put into programs to help foster minority participation in marine science.
2. My husband is Australian, and we did all the paperwork, did the medical tests, and now $2000 later he has his green card. It was effortless for us, and I totally understand it isn't that way for some. Over the past few months when thinking about the immigration debate, I had this thought.."it isn't fair that they should get a free pass to citizenship, when I had to shell out $2000 and do all the paperwork for my husband." Goodness, I sound like a brat! Then I had a thought and realized some of these people have been working in the US for years. They have helped sustain our economy. My husband was pretty much just in off the plane. And honestly, why should I begrudge anyone the chance at bettering their lives?
3. My brother has severe disabilities and he is trying to get the waiver to get section 8 housing. In Maine there is a line a brazillion (yes, brazillion) miles long to get one of these waivers. My Mother said to me the other week "the system is so bogged down by the poor immigrants, that your brother who has a family who has paid into the system for years cannot get help. The system is broken for people like him (implying that immigrants broke it)." Now my mother is very liberal. For a split second I agreed with her, and then I thought. Maybe if we increased minimum wage, people could have enough money not to need section 8. Why am I angry at a group of people who really don't have any control over anything?
So all in all, I feel like my inital reactions to this situation are pretty typical for a human being (maybe not all of us, but perhaps the majority). We become defensive if we perceive that someone is trying to get ahead without working hard. We don't like it if someone gets more support that us even though we know that we deserve it too. We are jealous, we are greedy, and we want to better us, damned who gets in our way. In a way we are like a five year old child, who is centered around his/herself. A second glance at the situation is always warrented, no matter what the issue. I just hope that I can try to use my reflections as a tool to help me become more tolerant, more respectful, and more willing to lend my voice in support.