Disclaimer: Monday's (substitute) Cheers and Jeers is in no way affiliated with Bill in Portland Maine. Any resemblance to Bill in Portland Maine's Cheers and Jeers is entirely deliberate, but you didn't hear me say that.
Today's Cheers and Jeers is dedicated to all of those Kossacks who didn't go to Las Vegas this weekend. Yours truly was one of those who opted out, and I'd like to tell you why I did. So, without further ado, please follow me below the fold for....
What I Did Instead Of Going To Yearly Kos: A Photo Essay
Personally, I'm far too popular and in demand by my groupies and assorted hangers-on to take time away from my busy, important schedule for some silly little blogosphere convention. Why should I bother making a trip to Vegas to meet the likes of Howard Dean, when Dr. Dean emails me at least once or twice a week begging for my advice and my support? Same goes for Nancy Pelosi - I hear from her all the time, and she and I are on a first-name basis. John Conyers, too, and John Kerry and Rahm Emmanuel and that darling Russ Feingold. My inbox is simply crammed with emails from all of them. I receive so many I just can't respond to them all. But rest assured, my delightful fans in the District of Columbia, that I read each and every one of them!
My weekend was jam-packed with exciting, glamorous activities; far too many to list here in detail, but I'll give you the fabulous highlights. For those of you who spent the weekend sitting in frigidly-air-conditioned rooms listening to endless panel discussions featuring pasty people with an unfortunate fashion sense and a propensity for navel-gazing, I'm sorry to be rubbing your face in this. Except that I think it always benefits the "little people" to see how the other half lives. It gives them something to aspire to.
My weekend started off with a lovely petite dejeuner at one of the most exclusive brasseries in the city:
I had a single tall nonfat half-caf mocha latte with a shot of Bailey's, and a marionberry scone. Simply divine.
After breakfast, I was off to the most exclusive boutique/spa in town, for a manicure, pedicure, facial, and shopping for diamonds:
I just love this little establishment; the staff there treats me like a queen. They know a generous tipper when they see one, the dears.
I was famished after my spa/shopping session, so it was off to one of the city's most exclusive cafes for a light lunch:
The staff at this place have the most adorable little uniforms with these quaint red aprons. Just darling!
The afternoon was spent taking a carriage ride through the park:
Then, because I'm an avid amateur naturalist, a visit to the zoological gardens so that I could commune with wild beasts in their natural habitat:
After which Geoffrey (my chauffeur/private secretary/massage therapist) whisked me off for an evening of dinner, theatre, and apres-theatre cocktails:
Now, lest you think that I frittered away my entire weekend with nothing but glamor and excitement, let me assure you that I devoted a considerable amount of time to serious intellectual pursuits. I re-read, as I do every year around the summer solstice, the story of the woman who is my inspiration and my spiritual guide:
And, as a gifted amateur investigational journalist, I of course kept up with all of the latest news and opinion on the national and world front via the blogosphere:
So, you can see how difficult it would have been to drag myself away for a weekend in Sin City. I simply couldn't. I do hope you understand, possums. Ta, darlings.
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Cheers and Jeers for Monday June 12, 2006
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By the Numbers: (H/T to Harper's)
Percentage of districts in 1972 that chose one party for President and another for the House: 44
Percentage that did in 2004: 14
Number of U.S. veterans who have been denied Veterans Administration health care since 2003: 263,257
Estimated amount the U.S. would save each year on paperwork if it adopted single-payer health care: $161,000,000,000
Amount of my veterinary bills in the past four weeks: $650
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Mega-jeers to blaming the victims. The latest wingnut talking points set a new low, which is saying something. So, those sneaky, evil bastards who killed themselves in Guantanamo committed an act of war, huh? No, wait, their suicides were just a publicity stunt! Welp, I gotta say -- these get props for creativity. Not to mention pure batshit looniness. Thanks, Bush Administration, for taking the concept of "beneath contempt" to whole new levels.
Jeers to yet more Republican batshit looniness. Congressman Curt Weldon, R-PA, was quoted last week as saying that "I think the jury is still out on WMD", adding that he knows of four sites in Basra and Nasiriyah that have yet to be searched for biological or chemical weapons. And points north, south, east and west somewhat.
Jeers to doing a heckuva job. Michael Brown said on CNN on Friday that, just before his resignation last year in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, he received an email from someone in the White House that said, among other things, "I did hear of one reference to you, at the Cabinet meeting yesterday. I wasn't there, but I heard someone commented that the press was sure beating up on Mike Brown, to which the president replied, 'I'd rather they beat up on him than me or Chertoff.'" THe e-mail went on to say ""Congratulations on doing a great job of diverting hostile fire away from the leader." Apparently, FEMA actually stands for Federal Evasion Maneuver Agency. Or something.
Jeers (for the umptey-hundredth time) to Congressional Republicans for killing a provision in an Iraq funding bill that would have put Congress on record as opposed to the establishment of permanent military bases in Iraq. Not to ban them, mind you, just to officially disapprove of them. To quote Mike Malone, have I mentioned lately how much I hate these people?
Jeers to wondering, as per usual, what really happened. This time, it's wondering what really happened to Zarqawi. How, this article asks, did his head and upper torso emerge relatively unscathed, and how could he have survived long enough to have been found and put on a stretcher before he died, when everything/everyone else at the bomb site was blown to smithereens? Riddle me that, Batman.
Speaking of Zarqawi, Ewwwww to the tastefully matted and framed photo of his head shown at the press conference announcing his death last week. Am I the only one who felt like it was the visual equivalent of a stuffed and mounted rhinoceros head? Bleurgh. I can't help but wonder if that photo is now on its way to a wall in Dick "Dick" Cheney's office. You know, next to the one of Harry Whittington.
Jeers to national insecurity. Remember all those veterans' health records that managed to get lost recently? Well, now someone has hacked into the National Nuclear Safety Administration's database and stolen the personal records of about 1,500 employees and contractors. To add insult to injury, apparently the head of the agency tried to cover up the breach, or at least failed to report it. Great. Loose cannons in charge of the loose nukes, that's what this country needs. Yessirree Bob.
Cheers to the terminally sanctimonious (apparently) making a big oopsie. "Godless" author Ann Coulter is, according to Raw Story, "unknown at the church she claims to attend." Note to the good folks at the church: She's pretty easy to spot, actually. She's the one at the back with her eyes rolled back into her head while projectile-vomiting split-pea soup.
Speaking of our dear, dear Ann, cheers to excellent snark. Here's a missing chapter from her book.
Cheers to stumbling upon unexpected treasures on the Internets. Whilst researching a possible diagnosis for Ms. Coulter on Wikipedia over the weekend, I found this little golden nugget:
A mnemonic that can be used to remember the criteria for antisocial personality disorder is CORRUPT:
* C - cannot follow law
* O - obligations ignored
* R - remorseless
* R - recklessness
* U - underhandedness
* P - planning deficit
* T - temper
Remind you of anyone? Like, say, pretty much every Republican in the White House and Congress? Heh.
Great big There's-No-Business-Like-Show-Business cheers to the 60th Annual Tony Awards, held in (where else?) Noo Yawk City last night. Special cheers to John Doyle, who won the Best Director of a Musical Tony for Sweeney Todd (the greatest American musical ever, in my humble opinion, and deserving of more awards last night than it got); to Lifetime Achievement in Theatre recipient Harold Prince; and to Seattle's own Intiman Theatre, winner of the Tony Award for Regional Theatre. Don't let it go to your heads, kids. We love you just the way you are.
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Finally, a little whorage: Don't forget that we're reading George Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four over in the Read-Along, and we're gonna discuss it on the weekend of the 25th. Well, I'm gonna read and discuss it, anyway. You're welcome to join me.
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So how was your weekend? The kiddie pool is open and the water's fine...