This diary is a change from my usual diaries, because it is a special day for me. Today my son graduates from junior high, and I am crying already. Is it always so tough on the parents?
More below
Well, I said I wouldn't cry today, but I already am. My beautiful little boy is now a man. Today he graduates junior high and will enter high school in September. Now, I'm not one to brag about him, but today I think is an exception. Especially considering that I almost died giving birth to him. But God, or the great spirit, or whichever wonderful omnipotent presence that guides our fate decided that I should have the chance to raise my miracle.
So this evening I will watch my handsome, smart, truly good son take the first step on the road to the rest of his life. And I am so proud of him, because he went through some hard times in school in the past few years with some of his grades and other challenges, but now has worked so hard to pull himself up to where he is now getting As and Bs across the board.
And that is also because I have been with him every step of the way. From his first day in school in kindergarten (that seems like a lifetime ago,) I have studied with him, helped him with homework, challenged him, and guided him because it is my job as his parent to be the one person he knows he can always count on to be there for him no matter how old he is. And I have always had good relationships with his teachers, always kept my door and phone open to them, and always worked with them showing them the respect they deserve for the hard work they do. And so today is the payoff.
This morning I saw him all dressed up in his suit for his school dress rehearsal, and it finally hit me. Those days of sitting with him watching cartoons are over, and as much as I enjoy doing things with him now, I really miss him as a child. I raised a good young man, and yes, I'm proud of that too. But I can't help but feel emptiness with the fullness. I know apart from being a happy day, it will be one of strange feelings.
My one regret today as well is that my parents can't be there in body to see their grandson graduate. I miss them so very much, and I know how proud they would be of him too. But I will feel them there as I felt my mom with me the day I graduated from college. As I stated, a day of strange feelings.
So now my thoughts turn to worrying about more mature things where he is concerned, as he now prepares for what he will do to become independent in this big scary world... and that is scary to me, but I have hope too. I am confident he will meet any challenges now with the same levelheadedness he has met every other challenge in his life. And I am so happy for him on the one hand, but can't help being a little sad on the other knowing the kind of world we live in now. However, today, I will try to forget all of that as I celebrate a milestone in the life of a young man who I just remember holding in my arms to sing to sleep.
Wow, parenthood really is truly special and a gift. Today is one example and one that I will treasure for the rest of my life. But I find myself asking today, where did it all go? Any good vibes sent my way would be great, and if you have a child graduating from school this year, my congratulations go out to you too. I hope together we can all work to make the world they will now live in a better place.