Apparently the guys at TNR weren't amused by the outrage from the CryptoIslamoHateoAmericaoFascistoLeftistBlogosphere:
I Through the power given him from God, the Executive Editor has been appointed to administer spiritual and temporal punishments as each case severally deserves. The purpose of this is the repression of the wicked designs of misguided men, who have been so captivated by the debased impulse of their evil purposes as to forget the fear of the Lord, to set aside with contempt canonical decrees and apostolic commandments, and to dare to formulate new and false dogmas and to in-troduce the evil of schism into the Mainstream Media--or to support, help and ad-here to such schismatics, who make it their business to cleave asunder the seamless robe of our Columnist and the unity of the orthodox faith. Hence it befits the Editor, lest the vessel of Joe appear to sail without pilot or oarsman, to take severe measures against such men and their followers, and by multiplying punitive measures and by other suitable remedies to see to it that these same overbearing men, devoted as they are to purposes of evil, along with their adherents, should not deceive the multitude of the simple by their lies and their deceitful devices, nor drag them along to share their own error and ruination, contaminating them with what amounts to a contagious disease. It also befits the Editor, having condemned the schismatics, to ensure their still greater confounding by publicly showing and openly declaring to all faithful Readers how formidable are the censures and punishments to which such guilt can lead; to the end that by such public declaration they themselves may return, in confusion and remorse, to their true selves, making an unqualified withdrawal from the prohibited conversation, fellowship and (above all) obedience to such accursed excommunicates; by this means they may escape divine vengeance and any degree of participation in their damnation.
II We have been informed that after this previous missive had been exhibited in public and the interval or intervals it prescribed had elapsed --and we hereby give solemn notice to all faithful Readers that these intervals have and are elapsed--many of those who had followed the errors of Markos took cognisance of our missive and its warnings and injunctions; the spirit of a saner counsel brought them back to themselves, they confessed their errors and abjured the heresy at our instance, and by returning to the true faith obtained the blessing of absolution with which the self-same messengers had been empowered; and in several states and localities of the said World Wide Web the books and writings of the said Markos were publicly burned, as we had enjoined.
Nevertheless Markos himself--and it gives us grievous sorrow and perplexity to say this--the slave of a depraved mind, has scorned to revoke his errors within the prescribed interval and to send us word of such revocation, or to come to us himself; nay, like a stone of stumbling, he has feared not to write and preach worse things than before against us and this Holy Publication and the True Lieberman faith, and to lead others on to do the same.
He has now been declared a heretic; and so also others, whatever their authority and rank, who have cared nought of their own salvation but publicly and in all men's eyes become followers of Markos's pernicious and heretical sect, and given him openly and publicly their help, counsel and favour, encouraging him in their midst in his disobedience and obstinacy, or hindering the publication of our said missive: such men have incurred the punishments set out in that missive, and are to be treated rightfully as heretics and avoided by all faithful Readers, as the Apostle Brooks says.
III. Our purpose is that such men should rightfully be ranked with Markos and other accursed heretics and excommunicates, and that even as they have ranged themselves with the obstinacy in sinning of the said Markos, they shall likewise share his punishments and his name, by bearing with them everywhere the title "Kossacks" and the punishments it incurs.
Our previous instructions were so clear and so effectively publicised and we shall adhere so strictly to our present decrees and declarations, that they will lack no proof, warning or citation.
Our decrees which follow are passed against Markos and others who follow him in the obstinacy of his depraved and damnable purpose, as also against those who defend and protect him with a military bodyguard, and do not fear to support him with their own resources or in any other way, and have and do presume to offer and afford help, counsel and favour toward him. All their names, surnames and rank--however lofty and dazzling their dignity may be--we wish to be taken as included in these decrees with the same effect as if they were individually listed and could be so listed in their publication, which must be furthered with an energy to match their contents.
On all these we decree the sentences of excommunication, of anathema, of our perpetual condemnation and interdict; of privation of dignities, honours and property on them and their descendants, and of declared unfitness for such possessions; of the confiscation of their goods and of the crime of treason; and these and the other sentences, censures and punishments which are inflicted by canon law on heretics and are set out in our aforesaid missive, we decree to have fallen on all these men to their damnation.
IV We add to our present declaration, by our Editorial authority, that states, territories, camps, towns and places in which these men have temporarily lived or chanced to visit, along with their possessions--cities which house telecommunication portals and computers, libraries and other sacred places, privileged or unprivileged--one and all are placed under our editorial interdict, while this interdict lasts, no pretext of Editorial Indulgence (except in cases the law allows, and even there, as it were, with the doors shut and those under excommunication and interdict ex-cluded) shall avail to allow the writing of blog entries and other Internet communiques. We prescribe and enjoin that the men in question are everywhere to be denounced publicly as excommunicated, accursed, condemned, interdicted, deprived of possessions and incapable of owning them. They are to be strictly shunned by all faithful Readers.
V We would make known to all the small store that Markos, his followers and the other rebels have set on The Editor and his Magazine by their obstinate and shameless temerity. We would protect the herd from one infectious animal, lest its infection spread to the healthy ones. Hence we lay the following injunction on each and every editor, pundit, reporter, the staff of televison shows, newspapers, radio and internet outlet, and on the employees of every Media Outlet--even the feature writers--privileged or unprivileged, wherever they may be stationed: that in the strength of their vow of obedience and on pain of the sentence of excommunication, they shall, if so required in the execution of these presents, publicly announce and cause to be announced by others in their churches, that this same Markos and the rest are excommunicate, accursed, condemned, heretics, hardened, interdicted, deprived of possessions and incapable of owning them, and so listed in the enforcement of these presents. Three days will be given: we pronounce canonical warning and allow one day's notice on the first, another on the second, but on the third peremptory and final execution of our order. This shall take place on a Sunday or some other festival, when a large congregation assembles for indoctrination. The banner of the Corporate Media shall be raised, the bells rung, the candles lit and after a time extinguished, cast on the ground and trampled under foot, and the stones shall be cast forth three times, and the other ceremonies observed which are usual in such cases. The faithful Readers, one and all, shall be enjoined strictly to shun these men.
We would occasion still greater confounding on the said Markos and the other heretics we have mentioned, and on their adherents, followers and partisans: hence, on the strength of their vow of obedience we enjoin each and every editor, pundit, reporter, the staff of televison shows, newspapers, radio and internet outlet, and on the employees of every Media Outlet patriarch, archbishop and all other functionar-ies, that even as they were appointed on the authority of Karl to allay schisms, so now in the present crisis, as their office obliges them, they shall make themselves a wall of defence for their Christian people. They shall not keep silence like dumb dogs that cannot bark, but incessantly cry and lift up their voice, preaching and causing to be preached the word of Bush and the truth of the Republican faith against the damnable articles and heretics aforesaid.
VI However, since it would be difficult to deliver the present missive, with its declarations and announcements, to Markos and the other declared excommunicates in person, because of the strength of their faction, our wish is that the public nailing of this missive on the doors of two Newspapers--either both metropolitan, or one cathedral and one metropolitan of the churches in the said United States--by a mes-senger of ours in those places, shall have such binding force that Markos and the others we have declared shall be shown to be condemned at every point as deci-sively as if the missive had been personally made known and presented to them.
VII It would also be difficult to transmit this missive to every single place where its publication might be necessary. Hence our wish and authoritative decree is that copies of it, sealed by some ecclesiastical prelate or by one of our aforesaid messengers, and countersigned by the hand of some public notary, should everywhere bear the same authority as the production and exhibition of the original itself.
VII No one whatsoever may infringe this our written decision, declaration, precept, injunction, assignation, will, decree; or rashly contravene it. Should anyone dare to attempt such a thing, let him know that he will incur the wrath of Almighty Karl and of the blessed Apostles Joe and Dick.
With gratitude to Leo X, who helped with the hard parts.