Disclaimer... Today's C&J is in no way associated with BiPM and is not sanctioned by said SnarkMaster. Hehehehe, SnarkMaster, are we his SnarkSlaves??? Would we wear joke collars instead of choke collars???
Ok everyone, get out your trench coats and head to the back of the store. You will find a room that has swinging western bar doors, is painted red and marked `Adults Only'. Hang a left there as Doggie is about to break the cardinal rule his mother taught him... "Never discuss Religion, Politics and Sex in public".
There is nothing more personal than our private love life. It is ours and our partners to hold and/or share. With the full frontal assault on our private lives, from a government chock full of religious wingnuts, it is time for me to bust that rule, sorry mom. As my tag line reads:
"The personal is political, and anyone who says differently is flat out wrong." Shermanesq.
This is what we will explore in today's C & J after the flop. So no Banging of the gong, it is a crack of the whip...Whapisssssssssshhhhhhh.
Welcome to the peep show, get out your quarters and let's have some fun.
Your puppy pic Was it good for you?
Cheers to the Shermaniator. Today's C&J would not have happend without her help.
Big Ass Jeers to those who are pushing the "Marriage Amendment". First of all, a marriage is truly a civil union, a legal agreement by two parties sanctioned by the state. No one is demanding churches perform ceremonies. The Catholic Church would not marry me as I am divorced and here is nothing I could do to make them do it. You fudge heads want to legislate who can love whom and that is none of your GODDAMN BUSINESS. So if it is M/F, M/M, F/F, MFM, FFM, MFMFMF.. worry about your own orgasam, we will take care of ours.
Cheers to the WSP's. Yes we may call ourselves Wanking Spanking Perverts; but we are not.
I do not care if you wear a Captain Crunch hat, dump milk all over yourself and scream "Eat My Crunchberries", (ahem Terry); you are not a pervert if it is between consenting adults.
If you go lifting Kilts, (ahem Cosmic); you are not a pervert if it is between consenting adults.
If you table dance in Irish Pubs, (ahem EEJ); you are not a pervert if it is between consenting adults.
If you partake in SSTL (ahem Terry, Ed Tracey, One Bite, Chicanoteague, Eddie, Baldwiny, Marc, Sherm, Floja Roja, seefleur, Patti, EEJ, Cosmic, Crimsonscare, Vigilant Meerkat, Virgomusic, Bina, Condoleaser, J Campenelli, Brillig, Kestrel9000, Schwede and others and you know who you are...); you are not a pervert, you have a fully
developed sense of humor.
If you want to know what a pervert is,
here
Jeers to these sick fucks; may their death be slow and painful.
Jeers to the pro-fetus ass clowns. They claim to be pro-life; but the moment that life is born, no help from them. I personally am anti-abortion, most pro-choice people are. We want them Safe, Legal and Rare. God forbid my baby ever has to make that choice, I will counsel against it, but it better be there if she needs it; because I for one am not scared of you bastages. Here's the deal, you worry about yours, I will take care of mine. For those who use the standard "Mother's Life, Rape and Incest", FYI, Incest is Rape.
Jeers to Buffet Bible Thumpers. Shove your fake morals up your... wait, your head is already up there. The HPV vaccine has been shown to prevent cervical cancer, which will kill 4,000 women this year. That is 4,000 preventable deaths that are on your head, explain that to your God. Here is a little education for ya, testosterone and hormones are what make people want to have sex. Umm, people have been having sex since Adam and Eve, so STFU. Here's the deal, stay out of my doctor's office, my bedroom and my life and I promise not to have an orgy in your church. Well, except maybe at Christmas.
Cheers to Robyn and her ongoing `Gender Workshop' educational series:
Learning to Count Past Two
Ain't I a Human?
Words
Sexual Disorientation
What is it to be a T?
The Role of the Father
You can quote `em
"Sex is more than an act of pleasure, its' the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable, that it's almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can't take it. And at this moment you're a part of them."
Anonymous
"A promiscuous person is a person who is getting more sex than you are."
Victor Lownes
"The sexual embrace can only be compared with music and with prayer."
Marcus Aurelius
"Blake said that the body was the soul's prison unless the five senses are fully developed and open. He considered the senses the 'windows of the soul'. When sex involves all
the senses intensely, it can be like a mystical experience."
Jim Morrison
"Well, people got attached. Once you cut the umbilical cord, they attached to the other things. Sight, sound, sex, money, mirages, mothers, masturbation, murder, and Monday morning hangovers."
Charles Bukowski
"Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as the average man."
Mignon McLaughlin
"How did sex come to be thought of as dirty in the first place? God must have been a Republican."
Will Durst
"As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax... you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients," but another kept reminding me, "Howard, you are a veterinarian."
Roger Matthews ..Stop it Baab
"Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants."
Marc in KS (?)
By the Numbers, Courtesy of Sherm, Snark or lame attempt at it by Doggie:
Percent Failure Rate (Typical Use) of the Contraceptives: Depo-Provera, Male Condoms, and Withdrawl: 3, 15, 29.
For you fundies, even abstinance is not fool proof. Immaculate conception... Just sayin.
Globally, people are having sex an average of 103 times a year, with men (104) having sex more often than women (101).
The other 3 times are Old Republican Men fucking the country.
One in five adults have sex 3-4 times a week and 5% have sex once a day.
Does washing it really fast in the shower count?
The Americans and Canadians lead the way for favoring sex in front of a camera (both 21%).
RIP Bob Crane... Hogan!!!!!!!!!
Globally, the top three sexual enhancers are pornography (41%), massage oils (31%) and lubricants (30%).
All three in the same session is known as "A weekend at Baldwiny's"
Almost a quarter (23%) of adults around the world have had sex using vibrators and 20% have used masks, blindfolds or other forms of bondage.
% of Irish Princess Patti's who have done all of this? 100
Sex using vibrators is most common in Australia (46%) and the USA (45%).
% not used for back massages 98.
Men are the least satisfied with how often they have sex. 41% want it more frequently compared to just 29% of women.
% of men doing it right 29.
Globally, 44% of all adults claim to be happy with their sex lives and 45% say they are open minded when it comes to sex.
% of progressive in this poll 45.
Almost three quarters of adults worldwide (74%) believe young people should be encouraged to practise safer sex.
And no they were not talking about knee pads and safe words (Bananas).
Globally, people have had an average number of nine sexual partners. See today's song of the day.
Which one of you pervs is distorting the curve upwards????
Just over a third (35%) say they were 16 or under when they lost their virginity.
Damn, missed that by " " this much.
Source for the eleven above: The Durex Global Sex Survey 2005.
The largest medically verified penis on record is 13.5 inches long and 6.25 inches around, documented in the early twentieth century by Dr. Robert L. Dickinson. Other
sources (Alfred Kinsey, Masters and Johnson, etc.) mention specimens ranging from 9.5 to 12 inches...
Also known as A Tom Coburn or the Media.
Going strictly by the Kinsey data, which still remains one of the most exhaustive studies on penis size to date, the average white male has a penis measuring 6.2 inches long
and 3.7 inches around, whereas the average black male has a penis 6.3 by 3.8 inches. When it came to flaccid length, however, black males were 4.3 inches long vs. 4.0
inches for white males...
But as we all know, it's not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean. Shhhhh..Done for Doggies benefit, he has a tiny ego.
Hey, I was in the pool, I was in the pool. SHRINKAGE
The typical male orgasm last anywhere from 3 to 8 seconds, though it is possible through deep breathing and regular exercise to extend it to maybe 10 seconds or so...
Sleep then comes in 7.5 seconds.
Women are capable of sustained orgasm, called status orgasmus. These start with a 2 to 4 second "spastic contraction" and last 20 to 60 seconds. Masters and Johnson
(1966) published a chart of one woman who experienced a 43-second orgasm, consisting of at least 25 successive contractions. Status orgasmus is usually the result of
self-stimulation, but a woman can experience it at the hands (or whatever) of a suitably skilled lover...
Hmmm, what do I hear? Rrrrr... Hrrrr... Whrrrrr... Rabbit!
Source for the four above: World Sexual Records...
Unintended Pregnancy Rates appear to show the largest differences over time when viewed along income/poverty levels. For example, the rate, per 1,000 women, of unintended pregnancies when living below the poverty line in 1994 and then in 2001: 87, 112.
Hmm, looks like the Republican Congress is very good at screwing the poor.
Portion of the grants in President Bush's $415 billion AIDS initiative that has gone to religious groups: 1/4.
In a surprise move, Haliburtion now has the larges AIDS research budget in the country.
Ratio, in the United States, of antiabortion "pregnancy centers" to abortion clinics: 6:1
Percentage of U.S. couples who regularly sleep in separate beds: 23.
% of women who flail and throw elbows and men who snore..23
Source for the three above: Harper's Index, April 2006.
Estimated number of babies born to women in U.S. prisons each year: 2,000.
Number of state corrections departments that expressly allow shackling of pregnant prisoners during labor: 23.
Source for the two above: The New York Times, March 2, 2006, via Yes Magazine.
Weight of the most important human sex organ: Approximately three pounds. (The brain.)
Avg. weight of the C&J'err brain, 6.9 kilos. We are a heady bunch or like head or something like that ;) *
*C&J Know your Pervs contest and tests
Who does this belong to???
Who be digging this scene???
Answers tomorrow and they are not Doggie and/or Sherm.
Are you a Slut?
Doggie's score..93
Are you a Perv?
Doggie's score...69 hehehehe
Are you Kinky?
Doggie's score..83
Work Safe Internet romance warning
Today's Mental iPod Not dirty, not really work safe due to lyrics (Lyrics below).
A cartoon bunny singing this song. You be the judge, if you can close a door or have headphones, very funny
Everyone else has had more sex than me.
Everyone else has had more sex than me.
Everyone else has had more sex than me.
Does anyone else get that feeling?
Teenagers naked,
Couple in threes
Grandparents swing from the ceiling.
Everyone else has had more sex than me.
Everyone else has had more sex than me.
Corporate chambers and office amore.
Shenanigans outdoor and in.
Resist and then later your find out there's more
Regret in not doing the sin.
Our lives have to die
Of that there's no help
My favorite way to end them
Is the orb-weaver spider's whose pedipalp
Enters the female pudendum.
Then dies on the spot
His corpse there still stuck,
Left for his rivals to curse at.
He would rather die than not get to f^ck
Personally I reckon it's worth it.
Everyone else has had more sex than me.
Does anyone else get that feeling?
Everyone else has had more sex than me.
Does everybody else get that feeling?
...
Does everyone think...
It is time for us to bring back the slogan.. Make Love not War or as Cosmic says "Gimme, Gimme, Gimme"
The C&J hot tub is now open, what are you WSP's Cheering and Jeering today? Don't forget to let your Freak Flag Fly!!!
"Dear Cheers and Jeers Forum, I always thought the Cheers and Jeers were made up, until it happend to me. I was on my way out to the mailbox when, Jeers to finding a broken bus in my yard. I approched it and Cheers that it was full of college cheerleaders....