Look at this loon...
Says he wants to have some kind of "conversation" about the United States occupation of Iraq. Crazy. Doesn't he know that our elected leaders tell us what to think? That's why we pay them the big bucks. I say we stay the course. Eventually the evildoers will just get tired and finally admit that America has lucrative multi-level marketing opportunities worth pursuing that let them work from home and make thousands or even tens of thousands of dollars a week in their spare time!
But this guy...this guy Ned wants to have his "conversation" even though the elected leader he's running against---a millionaire lawyer, no less---has assured us that everything is so fine and dandy that he doesn't need to mention Iraq anymore and besides wouldn't our time be better spent supporting the economy by shopping.
Your choice, Kossacks.
Click here to watch Ned Lamont's first video blog post and take part in his reality-based discussion on an issue that affects every American.
Or...hop in the car, upshift into 4-Wheel Turbo Joementum, and head to the mall for a cool, sweet, oh-so-distracting smoothie at Orange Julius.
While you're thinkin' it over, Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Note: C&J is all whacked out on testosterone today. Join us at noon as we lift a car in the Dairy Queen parking lot.
By the Numbers:
Days `til the Connecticut primary: 7
Days `til the Maine Lobster Festival in Rockland: 1
Average U.S. boat size in the 1950s: 29 feet long, 7 feet wide
Average boat size today: 43 feet long, 17.5 feet wide
(Source: LA Times via The Week magazine)
Highest minimum wage among American states: $7.63 (Washington)
Copies of The World Is Flat Tom Friedman has amassed in his basement to keep his book on the bestseller list for 68 weeks: 2,040,500
Your Puppy Pic of the Day: Darcy had a body that could stop traffic, and legs for days... (Thanks to C&J'er Jeff for the pic)
CHEERS to August. The dog days. The month everybody should get off from work (just ask our Congresscritters). The month Neil Armstrong and I get to blow out birthday candles on the same day. And, of course, the time of year in which you never, ever want to introduce a bogus war based on bad intelligence to the public. P.S. Hot enough for ya?
JEERS to Jonathan Alter. The normally astute columnist for Newsweek appears to have gotten hit with the dumbstick this week. Here's why he thinks we should all stop picking on poor millionaire lawyer Joe Lieberman:
[T]he Senate needs collegial moderates who work across party lines. It's the only way to stop the really bad stuff.
I see. We need a "collegiate moderate" like Lieberman to "stop the really bad stuff." Like the Iraq war. The bankruptcy bill. Alito. Exploitation of Terri Schaivo. And worst of all: Connecticut senators singing Oklahoma.
P.S. Bonus jeers to Alter for this: "And the revival of the romance of the antiwar left is a potential disaster for the Democrats." Yeah, we're all horndogs steaming up the car windows over the occupation of Iraq. Somebody alert hospitals of an impending Democratic baby boom. (Actually, that's not such a bad idea.)
CHEERS to the Winners of the Week. A straight couple that owns a B&B in Meade, Kansas has incurred the wrath of the townsfolk by flying an American flag outside their place. Oh, and also a rainbow flag:
A local pastor stopped by said it was equivalent to hanging women's panties on a flag pole. When Knight jokingly said he might consider that, the preacher said he would have him arrested. [...] Local resident, Keith Klassen says the flag is a slap in the face to the conservative community of Meade. "To me it's just like running up a Nazi flag in a Jewish neighborhood.
Responded owner J.R. Knight: "When this rainbow flag shreds, I will buy another one, and another one, and another one---just like my American flag, I'll buy another one." I suggest we airdrop a few hundred over that sweet little hamlet of Americana (and maybe a few thousand rainbow-colored water balloons to boot...)
JEERS to the big tease. Good news: As we write this, Fidel Castro is out of power! Bad news: He'll be back. The official line is that he had intestinal surgery. But I think he's just becoming a slacker.
CHEERS to the dead-cat bounce, part 5. Pew Research echoes four other polls that came out in July. President Bush is stuck at 36% approval. C&J instant analysis: less popular than waterskiing, more popular than waterboarding. But we're all still getting hosed anyway.
JEERS to Day 21. The Israeli invasion is back in full swing today. Prime Minister Olmert, sensing that he's losing the battle for the world's hearts and minds, has shifted tactics a bit. Every third shell lobbed at Lebanon will be packed with confetti, chocolate and dreidles.
JEERS to wolf legislation in sheep's clothing. Last Friday, in the middle of the night, Republicans in the House "passed" a bill that would raise the minimum wage. Of course it also contained a "poison pill" that would give tax breaks to millionaires like Bill Frist and Joe Lieberman by abolishing the estate tax. "This makes arsenic look like Milk of Magnesia," says AEI's Norm Ornstein. Thanks to brazen stunts like this, we have a hunch the GOoPers'll be suckin' down Prilosec like candy come November.
CHEERS to Home Sweet Scrap. Yes, there is one area of Boston's Big Dig that isn't falling down or leaking. A civil engineer who worked on the project for 10 years has built an amazing house in Lexington from discarded Big Dig scrap that would've otherwise ended up in the junkyard. Only problem: they'll probably be asking for his roof back to prop up the Ted Williams tunnel.
CHEERS to a Happy Hump Day. Yes, it's a day early since we read that the FDA might be ready to approve over-the-counter sales of the Plan B emergency contraceptive pill. You could say it's just a calculated ploy to soften up opposition to Dr. Andrew von Eschenbach at today's Senate confirmation hearings. You could also say the FDA is just trying to throw a wrench into Thursday's subpoena-related hearings that are part of a lawsuit over Plan B filed by the Center for Reproductive Rights. But I suspect women around the country are simply saying, "It's about fricking time!!"
JEERS to strange bedfellows. I'm confused. Shortly after Ann Coulter accuses Bill Clinton of being gay, his pal, millionaire lawyer Joe Lieberman, issues campaign buttons showing him and Clinton embracing. The caption--in big red gay capital letters: "THE HUG." With friends like these...
CHEERS to making a quick buck. Here's a "snarketing idea" that popped into our pea-brain over the weekend and it's yours for free: A plastic yellow diamond that stem-cell-preservationist drivers can stick on their rear window. It says: BLASTOCYST ON BOARD. As an upsell, glue some cotton in a thimble and make little stem-cell car seats. You're right...I should stop thinking.
CHEERS to Deluxe Edition Tuesday. On the DVD slate today: an expanded release of the mind-bending What the "Bleep!" Do We Know?! If watching all 6 hours of bonus material doesn't make your head explode, you can settle in for the deluxe edition of "A Fish Called Wanda." Y'know...just for the halibut.
One Year Ago in C&J:
CHEERS to Jimmy Carter. He's mad as hell and he's not going to take the crap going on at Gitmo anymore: "What has happened at Guantanamo Bay...does not represent the will of the American people. I'm embarrassed about it, I think it's wrong. I think it does give terrorists an unwarranted excuse to use the despicable means to hurt innocent people." Is he too old to run again?
JEERS to the Great Enabler of Evil. Saudi Arabia's old King "Cole" Fahd has died at 80-something (Bush's first words upon hearing the news: "My oil! What about my oil?!!"). I understand he allowed Muslim extremism to flourish during his reign, producing several of the 9/11 terrorists. Oh...and he degraded women and chopped people's heads off just `cuz. Sorry we can't make the funeral, but we would like to offer this blessing: May your harem in the hereafter be populated by clones of the Village People.
And just one more...
JEERS to the United States National Bake-off. Letterman:
It was so hot my cab driver was wearing an oscillating turban.
It was so hot out that North Korea test launched a long range Popsicle.
It was so hot today I saw a funeral procession pull into a Dairy Queen.
It was so hot today I saw an Amish guy buying an air conditioner.
Tonight for dessert: ice cream smothered in freon!
Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
Today's Shameless Testimonial:
"F**king Bill in Portland Maine... Bill in Portland Maine is responsible for all the wars in the world. Are you Bill in Portland Maine?!!"
---Mel Gibson, to an L.A. County sheriff's deputy