I have a confession to make. Recently, I've been having trouble sleeping. I've done all I could to eliminate the constant insomnia, even going so far as to count running naked Katherine Harris' in my sleep, but to no prevail. And, the reason for this problem, is the fact that there is a Liberal Jihad in this country.
Yep, I know what you're saying, how can we stop the liberal jihadists from taking over the country? Well, I think there's nothing we can do and for that I bummed out. I don't think there's going to be a Christmas this year, not even a New Year's Eve.
But, luckily, there's one "brave" gentleman in America who has the lack of intelligence to warn us of the onslaught of the "Liberal Jihad".
Folks, that gentleman is, Bill O'Reilly.
Now, I know what you're saying, O'Reilly doesn't serve a purpose, but rather a disservice to this nation's ongoing debate of every issue out there.
I say to those people, you're wrong.
O'Reilly serves a great purpose, because he makes are job, which is to refute his crazy theories, much, much easier.
You see, Bill-O for whatever reason has made himself America's unofficial beat-cop. No, wait, I take that back.
He's a human enema, to which his job is to flush America's system of all things he considers, Liberal.
In his latest column, he claims that Americans are confused about the dangers posed by Islamic fascism is because of the reporting by the "Liberal press."
That GODDAMN liberal media, always trying to hold the President accountable for his actions. Uh, man, as we all know reality has a well-known liberal bias, but that's the issue.
The issue according to O'Reilly is the problem he has with the media's constant reporting of Bush's inadequacies and not focusing on the aggressive worldwide jihad that seeks nuclear weapons.
Well, let's see, according to reports, Iran is just, well, a decade away from having a nuclear, so, I don't see why the urge to go and start a war with a country that, really hasn't done anything to us.
I do know this, and maybe I'm just a dumb liberal, but doesn't North Korea have nuclear weapons that could destroy an American city? I mean, Bill-O seems focused on Arab nations that don't have the capabilites, yet, for a strong nuclear program. So, It appears that Mr. O'Reilly has a "We got to stop the Arab before he gets a nuclear weapon," bias. I don't know, I think I'm missing something.
What makes Bill-O funny is his constant channeling of Joseph McCarthy. Now, I don't know about you guys, but I believe there's a connection. For starters, he calls A.O. Scott, the lead film critic at the New York Times, a "committed liberal."
Now, I can hear the spirit of Joseph McCarthy say, that damn Paul Robeson, he's a "committed communist."
Oh, and another thing I noticed about the two, along with the paranoia, conspiracy theories, fear-mongering, etc, etc, is the fact that both O'Reilly and McCarthy sort of look alike.
It's as if Senator McCarthy gave birth one day out of the blue and out came Bill O'Reilly. And, then the story goes he leaves O'Reilly with a family in New York and goes off to smear individuals in his quest to fight Communism.
Now I know why, Bill is such an angry buffoon. He's never really connected with his father, Joseph McCarthy on a more personal level, he's just doing it through his TV show and other forms of medium.
Bill-O has many enemies, Rap music, Hillary Clinton, San Francisco, and of course, his favorite, The New York Times.
He says that the times has 4 uber-liberal columnists who've written more than 150 columns about the Bush Administration, none, according to his anaylsis were positive.
Gee, Bill, I think it's called Journalism, not brown-nosing for the good of the Red, White, and Blue.
But now that you mention it Bill, I was reading a New York Times at a Las Vegas airport and I gotta tell you, I was becoming possessed by the spirit of Maureen Dowd. I don't what it was. But, I have two theories. One, because she for being in her 50's is incredibly attractive, and two, Ms. Dowd, actually did a wonderful job in constructed an articulate column about the way George Bush behaved himself at the G-8 summit. Which could be described from my point of view as a frat boy making himself look important than what he should be.
Yes, I know Bill, you say that Fox News takes an aggressive stand on Terrorism, we know that. But Fox News relishes that, I mean without terrorism and killing civilians and faux preachers, Fox News is just another station committed to solving every missing white girl case.
Oh, and Bill, it seems that you believe the media will forever play the "Bush is dumb" card no matter how much the world is going to hell.
Well, Bill, let's just say that Bush doesn't need to worry about the world going to hell, because he's sitting nice and snug in Crawford, Texas at this point in time.
Mr. O'Reilly, the bottom line is the President of the United States is not a moral equal to God. He's capable of mistakes, like you, just ask Andrea Mackris. The media is only doing the country a service by reporting the facts as they speak.
It's not a liberal bias or jihad as you like to point out, but a admiration for the truth. You, on the other hand have an admiration for irresponsibilty.
Your claim that the media is giving moral equivalency to Hezbollah is totally wrong and without merit. Military analysts have said that Israel is going about the conflict wrong. In no way does that grant Hezbollah mora equivalency.
Mr. Bush shoudn't be disqualified from any criticism just because he's the commander-in-chief during "war." If that was true then our brave men and women died in vain for making an honest man out of a very smug, and arrogant President.
The President has already said that it's Condi's job to solve the conflict. Him on the other hand is relaxing while the world is burning, and you, Bill-O seemed to think that the press should grant him with inherited positive reviews.
Mr. O'Reilly, you speak highly of World War III, I guess it's because you have stock in it, just Hannity, Limbaugh and the other Right-Wing hacks.
There is no Liberal Jihad, and to equate, "Jihad" with "Liberal" or put them together like Falafel and loofah is a desperate PR stunt from a man who's ratings are dropping. And, a last gasp for a movement who's President proved that Neo-Conservativism doesn't work.