I couldn't believe I was face-to-face with Chris Matthews. His head is even bigger than it looks on TV. He fixed me with his gaze and said, "The Democrats moved to the left in nominating Lamont rather than a centrist like Joe Lieberman."
I slapped the table. "Centrist my ass. Every time Joe Lieberman reaches across the aisle, the entire GOP backs up a step. This has happened so many times Joe is now in the center of the GOP. Can you think of a single other Democrat, House or Senate, supported by Bush and Cheney, and endorsed by Ann Coulter?"
Matthews says, "Mommy, mommy, buggie!"
I look down and see my two-year old, Ella, her arm extended, finger pointed, presenting a tiny green booger for my inspection. I reach into my purse for a tissue and remember that this is my real job. No one will ever ask me for my opinion on Lieberman.
I'm slipping into a dangerous fantasy world. I have shower conversations with my obnoxious right-wing brother-in-law, the one who felt my opposition to the war prior to the invasion was part of my liberal agenda. (That reminds me--will someone please email me the agenda? I must have misplaced it.) Fortunately for me, even when I am arguing with him in the shower we are both fully clothed. I'm just saying.
Day in and day out I'm with my children, but not only am I not "in the moment", I don't even know where to find the moment and MapQuest has been absolutely no help. I have lengthy arguments with news commentators and editorial writers as I make dinner. The smoke alarm snaps me out of it, I wash the pans and we go out for Mexican food.
My husband says "Where are you? We're losing you." The last time he said that I was rabidly producing grassroots radio for Dean. But that was not a fantasy world. I was in my head all right, making lists and writing scripts. When he asks me that now I certainly can't tell him I just debated Ann Coulter and reduced her to tears.
Please, please help me sleep at night. Help me return to the real world and the present moment. Let me get these Snappy Answers to Stupid Pundits out there into the collective unconscious. Read them, humor me. Answer the poll and tell me you will work at least one of these gems (they are gems, right?) into a conversation or LTE. Your mercy will not be forgotten.
Flaccid Joe
Lieberman is weak and whiney. Lamont is a bold businessman with backbone.
The only time Flaccid Joe gets tough is when he's attacking his own party and constituents.
America is strongest when Congress is a watchdog on the White House. Lieberman is a lap dog, not a watchdog.
American needs a watchdog Congress, not a lapdog Congress.
Joe the Centrist
The only time Lieberman is in the center is when he's standing between Dick Cheney and George Bush.
Football analogy: Lieberman not only has walked off the field, he's become the water boy for the other side.
Individual votes aren't the point. Lieberman fails to work with other Democratic leaders like Harry Reid to stand tough against Bush's bad ideas.
Individual votes aren't the point. The only chance Lieberman had to prevent the lifetime appointment of right-wing extremist Alito was with his cloture vote. Lieberman voted with the GOP on cloture, guaranteeing Alito's appointment.
Lieberman's biggest supporters are Dick Cheney, Ann Coulter and corporate lobbyists. To see what a man is made of, look at his best friends.
Joe the Appeaser
Lieberman is an appeaser.
Lieberman made a little mistake: The job description for leaders of the opposition party said to oppose the war mongers. He thought it said to appease them.
Lieberman enables Bush. ("Enabling" is the right word, and references Bush's bottle battle.)
America is strongest when both parties challenge each other. Lieberman thinks the US should be a one-party system. Welcome to China.
Lieberman thinks he should stand with the president at a time of war. There is no end in sight to the war on terror. Lieberman would have Congress shut down and hand the keys of the country to Bush and Cheney.
Lieberman the Popular Former Vice Presidential Nominee
Lieberman was unambiguously rejected in 2004 by democratic voters. It wasn't even close. 95% of Democratic voters gave Lieberman a thumbs down. Democrats don't like him.
Only 2 years ago Lieberman was dealt a humiliating rejection in his bid to be the party's nominee. From coast to coast, Lieberman shared the single-digit cellar with the other Democratic fringe candidates. He only garnered 5% of the vote in his own state! He came in a distant 5th in his own back yard, New Hampshire.
The Democrats are Doomed if they Reject Clueless Joe
Polls show people don't like the GOP but think the Democrats are weak. Lieberman is a very visible Democrat that contributes to the perception of weakness. Dems need more scrappy fighters like Lamont.
Lamont is a Risky Left Winger
A successful business executive has far more of the valuable skills we need in D.C. than a career politician. (Plays on conservative and swing voters' reverence for the private sector and most voters' distrust of politicians.)
A real-world business executive has a lot more to offer than a Bizarro World D.C. politician who thinks we are succeeding in Iraq and that the Federal Government should get involved in private matters like the Terri Schiavo case.
Lamont shows he has brains, ability, leadership skills and that he can balance a budget and deliver a profit. Lieberman's skills are voting, meeting and capitulating.
Lamont, the al-Qaeda Candidate
George Bush is al-Qaeda's leading fund-raiser and recruiter. Al-Qaeda loves Bush.
Under George Bush and Joe Lieberman we have disbanded the CIA team tasked with finding bin Laden. Under Bush and Lieberman we've spent so much time and money on Iraq, we've left our own boarders and ports completely vulnerable. Meanwhile, Al-Qaeda has flourished. Our security as a nation DEMANDS we support people who will challenge Bush's disastrous approach to homeland security
Bush is al-Qaeda's best friend. Instead of pursuing al-Qaeda to the end, we cut and ran in Afghanistan and lurched into a wasteful quagmire in Iraq. 5 years after 9/11, bin Laden is free as a bird and plotting against America. Bush, with Lieberman's cheerful support, has made nothing but mistakes in his so called war on terrorism.
Whew. I feel a bit better. Please take the poll.