So I'm watching this whole degradation of the Republican slime machine as it coughs, sputters and wheezes toward the November election, and I'm thinking to myself, Self - three weeks ago, it was Dippity-Do® that threatened this great country of ours with annihilation. Right after that, it was the Izz-LOMM-ick Feh-shissssts. Sss.®.
And now - we find out - what's really threatening the Very Existence Of Our Great Democratic Republic And Everything It Stands For isn't hair gel, or Turbaned Brown People With Bad Attitudes - it's
NAZI SYMPATHIZERS!!
gasp!
Who knew?
(Also available at My Left Wing)
So I'm scratching my head, trying to figure out how we got from "Procter & Gamble Is A Terrorist Organization" to "Nancy Pelosi Is A Nazi," when it hit me:
The Republicans know we're onto them.
Yes, the Republicans know we're onto them, and they are fighting back with the most effective weapon they have left:
Pee-Wee Herman.
How do I know this? I know this because - because - because -
I know you are, but what am I?
Heh-heh.
Think about it: Who are the Nazi sympathizers here? The mother of a son killed in Iraq, who wants to know from the President of the United States what noble cause her son died for? Or the members of the Republican administration who asked their legal counsel for a rationalization to circumvent the Geneva Conventions so that they could torture people?
I know you are, but what am I?
Nazi appeasers? Let's see, would those be: (a) the congresspeople who want to see our precious national resources used to fight real terrorism and crime in a way that actually protects the American people and the liberties that so many patriots have fought and died for?; or (b) the members of the Republican cabal that illegally invaded a sovereign nation using a trumped-up excuse, blitzkrieged across that nation, killing scores of thousands of its people, and then occupied that nation, illegally imprisoning and torturing thousands of its citizens with no rights of due process?
I know you are, but what am I?
Okay, lemme make sure I've got this straight: The Nazi sympathizers are the ones who are working to hold our government accountable for its actions regarding the expenditure and waste of billions of dollars in an illegal war predicated on a criminal act of terror whose perpetrator is still free five years after it happened, right? Or are the Nazi sympathizers the ones who -
Well, wait a minute here. I think I can make this easier. Let's see . . . lemme dig through my files here . . . I think I have . . . just a second . . . bear with me, bear with me . . . Yeah! Got it! Okay, here's a little smackerel from something some extremely clever and insightful person wrote three months ago, that might help us cut through all of this arcane and subtle shading of a very complex question. Let's dust it off and see how it plays today, shall we?:
- This administration fabricated evidence to engage in a pre-determined illegal war of aggression, and repeatedly lied about both the evidence and its use of it. It attempted to stage a completely phony provocation in order to provide a justification to invade another country
- This administration has placed in key positions of power supporters of a foreign policy that advocates creating global domination of U.S. interests through military might, and has carried out war to effect that end
- This administration has used the most powerful and invasive tools at its disposal - from electronic surveillance to physical searches - to gather information on American citizens on American soil, all without warrants
- This administration has detained unidentified people - including American citizens - for nearly five years, some in undisclosed locations and all without objective third-party inspections, without charge and without access to legal counsel. This administration - including its highest law-enforcement officer - has condoned and used torture of all kinds on these detainees and others it has wrongly imprisoned throughout the world
- This administration has refused to recognize the authority of the Congress and the Constitution, and has openly stated its intention to continue its defiance of the written, well-established law of the land
- This administration has blocked every attempt to investigate its activities, from domestic spying to the activities of American corporations
- This administration has been the beneficiary of two elections decided under - at best - dubious circumstances
- This administration has openly declared its desire to invoke a military response to a potential outbreak of disease in this country
- This administration has pursued policies that benefit certain industries, while maintaining absolute secrecy and no accountability about the provenance of those policies
- This administration has actively supported the demonization of minority groups
- This administration has quashed dissent, from campaign events to political commentary, by using intimidation and demonization
- This administration has illegally spread propaganda in this country in order to further its political agenda
- This administration has threatened reporters and their sources with punishment if they should reveal information about illegal clandestine activities, by citing the need to protect the homeland
Still think only a nutcase would draw Nazi analogies? Okay, then, here - let's play a fun little game to test my "Godwin Divide" theory: In the above bullet points, wherever the phrase, "this administration" appears, substitute the phrase, "Hitler's Nazi regime"; for "U.S." or "American," substitute "German"; and for "Congress," substitute "Reichstag." Go ahead, try it!
How'd that work out for ya? Except for the "dubious elections" part (the Nazis, to the best of my knowledge, never stole an election; they simply stopped having them once they came to power), it's a pretty good fit, isn't it? Oh, it's not perfect - it's more like the way the east coast of South America fits into the west coast of Africa: close enough to make the connection, unless you're a creationist.
Got it? The Bush Administration and its Republican cronies are the Nazis. See?
And now do you see what their strategy is? It's very simple, and brilliant: They pretend we're all back on the second-grade Playground again, and whenever someone calls them out and speaks the truth about what they are, all they have to do is say, in their best whiny, seven-year-old, Pee-Wee Herman voice,
I KNOW YOU ARE, BUT WHAT AM I?
Actually, it's a favorite strategery of the Repubescents: Attack your opponent at exactly your own weakest point. What scares the Reprobates more than anything is that the Dems might turn the attack around and attack Repubs right where they're vulnerable - which, nowadays, is almost everywhere. So in order to divert attention from that Man Behind The Curtain, they shout and wave and jump up and down and act like cranky old crazy loons (apologies in advance to loons), and hope no one stops to think about what they're actually saying.
You know the litany: Democrats are weak on protecting us from terrorism, Democrats are ruining the economy, Democrats caused 9/11, Democrats are destroying the family, Democrats blah, blah, blah . . .
And now: Democrats are Nazi sympathizers.
Yeah, attack at the weakest point.
I believe the Nazis called it the Schwerpunkt.
Nicht wahr, Herr Reichsfuehrer von Rumsfeld?