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     Personal story.  My wife is dying.

     Stress.  This is about stress.
     My father was on a ship in the Navy during WWII, when the ship he was on was accidentally rammed by another US Navy ship.  His ship was nearly cut in two.  He saw his fellow sailors jump out of their bunks.
     No one was killed.  But my father, soon after, jumped ship.  He went to Los Angeles, and got work painting houses.  He was caught, and put in a Navy prison on an island called Terminal Island.  Look it up on Google Earth.  It is in Los Angeles.  He spent nine months there.  He had his appendix out there.  He turned twenty there.  He got into body building there.
     He never really explained the whole thing to me.  But why did he jump ship?  I think the collision of the ships was a traumatic event for him, and he was feeling severe stress, from the memory of that event, knowing that he could be killed, just towing targets in Puget Sound.
     John Kerry shot and killed a young Vietnamese boy, apparently at close range.  When he got back, he told Congress we need to get out soon.
     I think that shooting was a traumatic event for Kerry, and the lingering stress from the memory of that event led him to call for an end to hostilities.
     Timothy McVeigh, I read somewhere, shot an Iraqi man with a weapon meant to shoot vehicles.  It shot his head off.
     Maybe one of the reasons McVeigh felt a need to turn against the USA, was stress.  Stress from the memory of the traumatic battle scenes in Iraq.
     I left my wife in August of last year.  Starting on Thanksgiving, I experienced, off and on, severe anxiety and depression.  My psychiatrist called it mild.  It felt severe.  I considered suicide.
     I moved back in with my wife in December.
     Why did I feel stress so bad I went to the ER three times?  I think the it was a combination of loneliness, and the memories of the traumatic events of my father's death and the several times my wife appeared to be dying.  I was in the hospital room when my father died.  He had never been a patient in a hospital from the time he had his appendix out in 1944, until twenty days before he died of cancer.
     The first two times I thought my wife was dying was in 2002 and 2003.  I cried my eyes out, like when my father died.
     I have a new co-worker.  He spent four years in the Marines, six months of that in Iraq.  He has post traumatic stress disorder.
     Just a few hours before writing this, my wife's doctor told me it is time to make a decision.  The obvious decision, I think, is to bring her home, and, no matter what happens, do not take her back to the hospital.  If we do that, even if we leave the bi-pap machine on her 24 hours a day, she will die, maybe in a week or two, from co2 narcosis.  She will fall asleep, and gradually die.  
     Will I be in the bed beside her when she dies?

Originally posted to Smarter Prepping With Big Jack on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 03:33 AM PDT.

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Comment Preferences

  •  I am so sorry. (12+ / 0-)

    I wish that there was something I could do or say to to help.  There are lots of people here to talk to when you have the time or the need.  If you don't already have Hospice involved, I would highly recommend them.

    The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity." - Harlan Ellison

    by dkmich on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 03:31:47 AM PDT

    •  In June of 2003, (12+ / 0-)

      when they said she was dying, they sent her home.  But we had to make a choice, whether hospice would take care of her, or her hand picked workers.  Medicaid will not pay for both.  We opted for the chosen workers, but the hospice people sent a nurse to check on her once a day, anyway.
          I was told, a few years ago, that I must have hospice involved, or the sheriff deputies will investigate me.

      Big Jack Kelly, the Smartest Guy in the World, the Arrogant Autodidact, the Sage Amongst His Books, the Seeker of Truth who Found It.

      by bigjacbigjacbigjac on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 03:50:50 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  I don't know about investigate. (9+ / 0-)

        Hospice notifies the local police that there is a dying patient at such and such an address.  When they pass, the police have to be called.  It would help if the police were notified ahead of time as to the situation in the home by someone.  If you call them and let them know about the situation, I am sure they will let you know what you are required to do at death.  

        We were told by hospice (my father and my father-in-law both died in my home with hospice)to wait a while after the person died to make sure that any attempts at resuscitation would not interfere with the dying process. I was also involved in my Aunt's dying.  She was on Medicaid.  She had one aid through Medicaid AND hospice.  

        The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity." - Harlan Ellison

        by dkmich on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 05:14:05 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

  •  Wow. This is a potent attention-grabber. (11+ / 0-)

    It's not a decision that anyone but you and she can make, but it appears that in your heart you've made a decision -- one that's based on wanting to be with her when she must make her final journey.

    My heart goes out to you both.  Know that you're both in my thoughts as we all move forward from this point in time; it's small comfort, but heartfelt.

    Let us know how you're doing.

    Peace.

    Never, never brave me, nor my fury tempt:
      Downy wings, but wroth they beat;
    Tempest even in reason's seat.

    by GreyHawk on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 03:37:34 AM PDT

  •  I am very sorry (8+ / 0-)

    and beautifully written even if very, very sad.  Hope you eventually find peace in your heart and mind but writing about your pain is good.

    Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear. Mark Twain. -6.25 -5.85

    by pmob5977 on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 03:44:17 AM PDT

  •  bigjac, Oh god. Just recently we were celebrating (13+ / 0-)

    your b'day late at night here.

    You didn't say anything about this.

    If you can, you will certainly be in the bed beside her when she dies. You
    just will--I know it. And if you can't, that will be okay, too. It's already
    obvious how much you care.

    Once I thought my daughter was dying (well, most everyone thought
    she was dying) & I climbed in the bed beside her in the hospital. Once my
    father-in-law was dying, & I climbed in just to sing him some songs we'd
    both sung together.

    My daughter lived, my father-in-law died, but I never regretted going
    with my instincts to climb in the bed with them. I think it worked to
    heal me more than either of them--the one who lived & the one who
    didn't.

    So sorry I can't help you more but will be thinking of you.

    It is never too late to be what you might have been...George Eliot

    by begone on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 03:46:03 AM PDT

    •  Hello begone, (5+ / 0-)

      and Monique Radevu.
          I am trying to visualize my wife in our king size bed, in our master bedroom of our two bedroom duplex.  Dead.  And I just woke up, to find her dead.
          You are right about showing affection, by embracing her, in the bed, when she seems very ill.  But I hope I can handle the stress from the memory, for the rest of my life, of finding my wife dead.  Beside me in the bed.

      Big Jack Kelly, the Smartest Guy in the World, the Arrogant Autodidact, the Sage Amongst His Books, the Seeker of Truth who Found It.

      by bigjacbigjacbigjac on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 04:17:23 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  My Condolences, Bigjac <n/m) (4+ / 0-)

        A Dean Democrat-because I could have been an evacuee.

        by CarolDuhart on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 04:24:50 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

      •  bigjac, you better have some help for yourself (8+ / 0-)

        to do that--to deal with ALL of this, you hear? I feel as if
        anything I say now will be dumb and have deleted more
        than I'm posting here.

        Wishing you find strength within yourself to do the impossible
        and hoping you'll come back here when you need to.

        ox
        begone

        It is never too late to be what you might have been...George Eliot

        by begone on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 04:28:39 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  I have some in-laws, (8+ / 0-)

          and a psychiatrist.
              Also, I saw a recovery place open to the public, a short drive away.  I suppose they are mostly recovering alcoholics and drug addicts.  But I think I would be welcome.

          Big Jack Kelly, the Smartest Guy in the World, the Arrogant Autodidact, the Sage Amongst His Books, the Seeker of Truth who Found It.

          by bigjacbigjacbigjac on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 05:00:27 AM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          •  The funeral home with have a support group. (3+ / 0-)

            You need help with grieving, not a support group for substance abusers. Check again about medicaid not paying for her chosen care giver and hospice.  Hospice is such a big help.

            The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity." - Harlan Ellison

            by dkmich on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 06:14:49 AM PDT

            [ Parent ]

            •  The appeal (1+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              begone

              of the recovery place is the 24 hour feature.  I suppose a grief group would be better, but I imagine I would need to show up at a set time, once a week.  The recovery place, I could drop in anytime.

              Big Jack Kelly, the Smartest Guy in the World, the Arrogant Autodidact, the Sage Amongst His Books, the Seeker of Truth who Found It.

              by bigjacbigjacbigjac on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 11:16:14 AM PDT

              [ Parent ]

              •  Maybe both... (1+ / 0-)
                Recommended by:
                bigjacbigjacbigjac

                You can compare and see what you think.  then you can do one or both.  The grief group might also have a 24 hour support line.   If she has been sick for so long, you might be getting yourself prepared without even knowing it.  I've lost parents but never a spouse or a child.  I would imagine each death is different in its own way.  I'm here if you just feel like talking.  My e-mail is listed.

                The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity." - Harlan Ellison

                by dkmich on Mon Sep 04, 2006 at 02:57:45 AM PDT

                [ Parent ]

      •  grief counseling (3+ / 0-)

        is also handled by hospice.  if you still have their card or phone number, they can be a good resource.

        youll be in my fondest thoughts; im profoundly sorry for your loss.  

        "Its hard for me to make peace with people that hate pancakes but I'll try." ~NJwlss

        by 73rd virgin on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 06:08:53 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

      •  either... (4+ / 0-)

        first of all, my heart so goes out to you at this difficult time. I am glad you have some help around you...don't be afraid to seek more. this is enormously stressful. My heart is also with your wife, who must be having a difficult time as well (to say the least!)

        I just want to say that for whatever it's worth, in my experience and in my belief system, that either you will be able to handle the memory you refer to (though it won't be easy, but you will be able to handle it...) OR it won't happen that way....

        for example, I have always known that I could not handle such a thing. it is through the benevolence of the universe, or whatever you want to call it, that I did not have to find, when I was alone, my father's dead body when he died suddenly at age 41.

        I hope also that you consider if you're not already taking--some sort of medication that might help you through this enormously stressful and depressing time....if you/your family are prone to deep depression--this can be a very dangerous time for you....

        in short we care about you, and want you to stick around...

        sending you good energy...

        deborah

        To be, rather than to seem.--NC State Motto

        by make a difference on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 06:16:28 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  I have only been (1+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          begone

          an atheist for a few years.  I still remember the Christian way to say this:  God does not give you anything you cannot handle.
              I think the reason people say this is that the laws of averages keeps most of us from facing anything truly hideous.  And, the human organism is very resilient.  And, the same thing about us that can kill us, by way of suicide, is the same thing that can find a way to survive.  That is our incredible high capacity brain.  With that brain, we can relive awful moments, and make ourselves quite ill.  With that same brain, we can find ways to survive that illness.  I hate my brain, but I love my brain.  If you see what I mean.
              Since January, I have been taking zoloft and prevacid.  Starting in June, I am taking lithium.  These do not work like alcohol or caffiene.  I cannot exactly feel any effects of these drugs.  But I feel okay, not depressed.  So, these may help me through.

          Big Jack Kelly, the Smartest Guy in the World, the Arrogant Autodidact, the Sage Amongst His Books, the Seeker of Truth who Found It.

          by bigjacbigjacbigjac on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 11:29:59 AM PDT

          [ Parent ]

  •  sorry to hear that bj (6+ / 0-)

    Your depth of grief comes through and I feel for you.

    So sorry,

    Hang in there guy.

  •  No one can say but you (7+ / 0-)

    and it sounds like you already know what to do. Do what feels right, and don't look back.

  •  Damn. (6+ / 0-)

    I'm sorry.

    I don't know what else I can say, except that I'll be thinking of you both.

    Henry: "Give me liberty, or give me death!"
    Republicans: "Give me liberty, or ...not. Just don't let them hurt me."

    by Marc in KS on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 05:18:37 AM PDT

    •  Mark in KS (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Marc in KS

      to Marc in KS!
          I was trying to hint about this in my "Allow me to Introduce Myself" diary.  But I think I forgot to say how ill my wife has been.
          In fact, the majority of my diaries have been written while she was in the hospital.  The hospital she was in for most of July is a wireless hot spot.  So, I was blogging from her hospital room.

      Big Jack Kelly, the Smartest Guy in the World, the Arrogant Autodidact, the Sage Amongst His Books, the Seeker of Truth who Found It.

      by bigjacbigjacbigjac on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 11:36:43 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  My Prayers are With You (n/t) (2+ / 0-)

    "[T]hat I have no remedy for all the sorrows of the world is no reason for my accepting yours. It simply supports the strong probability that yours is a fake."

    by Heronymous Cowherd on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 05:21:44 AM PDT

  •  Precious Life (3+ / 0-)

    I am so sorry. I wish I could give you a really big hug. Love will help you to do the things you need to do.

    Dealing with death is not easy. This is why we must live our lives to its fullest. We were given this precious gift called life. We must enjoy each and every moment of it, take it one day at a time, one minute at a time and make a choice for ourselves that we are precious and make the right choices in that moment to be happy, to try and have as many smiles as we can in this short time we are hear on this earth.

    Try, for yourself because no one can do it for you, try to be good to yourself. you are special and loved.

    Where are all the peacrful souls? Have we forgotten how peace grows? It's not with the killing of other humans but with love all around, looming.

    by MomFromHlwdFL on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 05:28:03 AM PDT

  •  I am sorry to hear about your pain (4+ / 0-)

    Take care of both of you. Having others around to talk to helps.

    Peace

  •  I am sorry, bigjac. (3+ / 0-)

    Wish I had all the right words for you, but words only go so far. I hope the other members of your families, and your friends, can be there to help you through this.

    "You don't know the REAL Homer--it's all burping and neglect!" -- Bart Simpson

    by Pandoras Box on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 05:48:12 AM PDT

    •  Family (0+ / 0-)

      is an interesting topic, in this situation.
          My wife's family will rally around, as they have many times in recent years, when my wife was very ill.  In fact her parents already bought a burial plot for her, right next to theirs, in their hometown, Hays, a small city in Northwest Kansas.  The cemetery is at 27th and Vine.
          But my family?  We love each other very much.  But both our parents are dead, and we have not had the determination to have any family reunion since they died.  Especially me, since my wife has been ill.
          I have three older sisters, and a younger brother.  My brother lives here in Wichita.  One of my sisters lives in the small town of WaKeeney, Kansas, even farther west than Hays.  My other two sisters live in Houston.  Google one of them, Lois Gibson.  She is the world's best police sketch artist.
          Anyway, for my wife's funeral, assuming it happens soon, I suppose it will be in Hays.  And all her family will be there, including many cousins, who live there in Hays.
          But there is a possibility than one or two of my four siblings will not be there.  Probably they will make it, but it may seem very difficult for the two in Houston to fly to Wichita, or Kansas City, or Denver, and then drive 200 or 300 miles, to get to Hays.  That will be a challenge they may not feel up to.  They are 56 and 58 years old.  They do not like driving long distances.  They could fly all the way to Hays, but the last, small propeller plane leg of the trip would cost about $400.  Way more than the long distance jet portion.  I can hear Lois now, shouting at me on the phone, telling me to insist, as the husband of the deceased, that the funeral be held in Wichita.  To make it so much easier for two of my sisters to attend.  She likes to think of ideas, and then get very intense about them.  I guess that runs in our family.

      Big Jack Kelly, the Smartest Guy in the World, the Arrogant Autodidact, the Sage Amongst His Books, the Seeker of Truth who Found It.

      by bigjacbigjacbigjac on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 12:10:07 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  Yes, families can be a challenge. Sometimes (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        bigjacbigjacbigjac

        they are great, and sometimes, not so much.

        Sounds like there are a lot of complicating factors re funeral arrangements. My wish for you is that your sisters will think about what YOU need, and not what is easiest for them, while you are going through all this.

        (Just fyi, I have already read about Lois on a number of websites. Apparently she is very well thought of in her field.)

        "You don't know the REAL Homer--it's all burping and neglect!" -- Bart Simpson

        by Pandoras Box on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 12:28:24 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  So glad (0+ / 0-)

          you have been reading about my sister.
              I really recommend her book, "Faces of Evil"
              I have only read the first two chapters, and the last two chapters.  The other chapters are just more examples of dramatic cases she worked on.  She already told me about most of these cases herself, in person, when I lived in Houston.
              Chapter two is the one in which she describes being raped and nearly killed in LA in 1973.  The story is very dramatic.  It sounds so lame to say that.  Very dramatic.  Her eyes were so red, after being strangled, that her eyes looked about the same as the eyes of a corpse that was strangled.
              Maybe the book is more powerful for me, because she is my sister.

          Big Jack Kelly, the Smartest Guy in the World, the Arrogant Autodidact, the Sage Amongst His Books, the Seeker of Truth who Found It.

          by bigjacbigjacbigjac on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 12:41:19 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          •  No, it doesn't sound lame, and it does (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            bigjacbigjacbigjac

            indeed sound dramatic. And traumatic. Not just for her, but clearly for the whole family. I'm glad she is successful in her work, helping catch criminals who may carry out similar crimes.

            "You don't know the REAL Homer--it's all burping and neglect!" -- Bart Simpson

            by Pandoras Box on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 12:53:46 PM PDT

            [ Parent ]

            •  What was, (0+ / 0-)

              I felt, lame, was my English composition skills, in that comment.  I was crying a little, and am now, thinking about my sister, in effect, strangled to death, while being raped.  But she did not quite die.  I felt calling that very dramatic was lame.  Like saying the events of 9/11/01 were very dramatic.  Duh.
                  We are a family of talkers.  We are Irish.  Gift of gab.  That is why I chose the assumed name of big Jack Kelly.  It sounds more Irish than my real name.
               Anyway, the one thing I like to think I can do, is English composition, whether spoken or written.
              So, I get upset if anything I write is less than what I consider articulate.  Even writing a reply or comment like this, I usually make one or two corrections.  I notice some Kossacks leave all kinds of misspellings, words left out.  That would save time, to not proofread.  But I like to tie up loose ends.
                  My psychitarist asked me if I have any special abilities.  I told him I notice things out of place that others miss.  A lot of things.  I work in a retail store, so it is interesting, seeing hundreds of things out of place, and my co-workers apparently do not notice.

              Big Jack Kelly, the Smartest Guy in the World, the Arrogant Autodidact, the Sage Amongst His Books, the Seeker of Truth who Found It.

              by bigjacbigjacbigjac on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 01:11:24 PM PDT

              [ Parent ]

  •  I am so sorry (4+ / 0-)

    Not sure there's anything else to say, except that please don't internalize any feelings of "not being able to handle it" and beat yourself up about it. Personally, I don't believe death is something we should be able to handle, and no matter what, you need to know you're doing the best you possibly can right now.

    When the people find that they can vote themselves money, that will herald the end of the republic. -Benjamin Franklin

    by MissAnneThrope on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 05:52:14 AM PDT

    •  Yes, (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      MissAnneThrope

      I think it is unavoidable to feel very upset when facing death.  And when remembering events of facing death.  That is why I think it reasonable to suppose that all combat veterans, all of them, will have PTSD.  All.  I could be wrong.  

      Big Jack Kelly, the Smartest Guy in the World, the Arrogant Autodidact, the Sage Amongst His Books, the Seeker of Truth who Found It.

      by bigjacbigjacbigjac on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 12:14:09 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  No, I would bet you're right (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        bigjacbigjacbigjac

        Three times now I've had PTSD, all after huge traumatic experiences. Cannot imagine what taking a life would do to someone's psyche. As regards your situation, unfortunately I am also in my own private Titanic, trying to figure out how to grab a rowboat and get to safety while still being present for loved ones. Which is why originally I said you need to remind yourself daily you are doing everything you can, the best you can, every single day -- and be kind to yourself.

        When the people find that they can vote themselves money, that will herald the end of the republic. -Benjamin Franklin

        by MissAnneThrope on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 04:39:06 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  Yes, (1+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          MissAnneThrope

          how do I do what is expected for my wife, without being sucked under when the ship finally sinks?
              Be kind to myself...be gentle with myself...I have heard this before, and it is common sense, but it helps to have you say it to me here.  Thank you.
              And, the same back to you.  You did not say what is like a sinking ship for you, but I hope you can come out on the other side of it with a chance to savor the simple pleasures of life again.  Hey, you are savoring Daily Kos!  A bright spot in our lives, or we would not be here.

          Big Jack Kelly, the Smartest Guy in the World, the Arrogant Autodidact, the Sage Amongst His Books, the Seeker of Truth who Found It.

          by bigjacbigjacbigjac on Mon Sep 04, 2006 at 12:06:18 AM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          •  I wish I knew exactly how (0+ / 0-)

            ...to survive all of it intact, to not go down with it. For me, it's parents. Which is in the big scheme of things much likely much easier than when it's a spouse, and the being kind to yourself jazz still isn't coming all that easily.  Yes, thank goodness for the site and for the many Kossacks who get our minds off stuff. Do you have any kind of support system, people you can really talk to who understand or who've been there? It sounds cliche, but I suspect that would help both you and me to make it through without sinking. Most of my friends seem to have already deserted ship for the time being, unable to really relate and understandably not wanting to be around it all. I'm still trying to figure out where to go next, myself.

            My email is listed here. Please feel free to drop me a line if you need someone to listen.

            When the people find that they can vote themselves money, that will herald the end of the republic. -Benjamin Franklin

            by MissAnneThrope on Mon Sep 04, 2006 at 03:13:14 AM PDT

            [ Parent ]

          •  I wish I knew exactly how (0+ / 0-)

            ...to survive all of it intact, to not go down with it. For me, it's parents. Which is in the big scheme of things much likely much easier than when it's a spouse, and the being kind to yourself jazz still isn't coming all that easily.  Yes, thank goodness for the site and for the many Kossacks who get our minds off stuff. Do you have any kind of support system, people you can really talk to who understand or who've been there? It sounds cliche, but I suspect that would help both you and me to make it through without sinking. Most of my friends seem to have already deserted ship for the time being, unable to really relate and understandably not wanting to be around it all. I'm still trying to figure out where to go next, myself.

            My email is listed here. Please feel free to drop me a line if you need someone to listen.

            When the people find that they can vote themselves money, that will herald the end of the republic. -Benjamin Franklin

            by MissAnneThrope on Mon Sep 04, 2006 at 03:13:54 AM PDT

            [ Parent ]

  •  I am so sorry. (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    anniethena, bigjacbigjacbigjac

    And it is a time that is very very difficult and dealing with Death IS Stressful. I passed through the valley of death called Vietnam four decades ago. To me it seems like yesterday. I hope I can pass a humble suggestion on for you to consider. Remember to think about and then say all those special feelings you might regret not saying later. I lost my mom and I was able to do just that. It makes living on afterwards a little easier.

    Disabled Viet Vet ret. My snark is worse than my bite

    by eddieb061345 on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 06:11:43 AM PDT

    •  My brother. (0+ / 0-)

          I am a little too young for Vietnam.  I turned 18 in August of 1973.  About 20 years ago, I resented Vietnam veterans.  Because the media said, wow, they have PTSD, they went through hell, they were spit on, bow to the wonderful, long suffering Vietnam veteran.  Meanwhile, I was wiping the butt of my disabled wife, getting her dressed and in her wheelchair, feeding her, etc.  I felt I was paying my dues, and I should get a little recognition, too.
          Now that I have been through the death of my father, as descibed above, and the near death of my wife, as described above, and I hear, on C-SPAN, about guys coming back from Iraq with PTSD, and I have a young co-worker, back from Iraq, with PTSD, as described above, after all this, I see you as my brother.  An older brother.  The older brother I never had.

      Big Jack Kelly, the Smartest Guy in the World, the Arrogant Autodidact, the Sage Amongst His Books, the Seeker of Truth who Found It.

      by bigjacbigjacbigjac on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 12:30:22 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  bigjac, (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    bigjacbigjacbigjac

    I am so very sorry to hear about your wife.

    I wish for you both, peace.

    You have in this place many open arms.

    Peace

    As nightfall does not come all at once, neither does oppression. - Justice William O. Douglas

    by occams hatchet on Sun Sep 03, 2006 at 11:35:01 PM PDT

  •  Hey bigjac... (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    blueness, bigjacbigjacbigjac

    so sorry. Keep writing, okay?

    How we spend our days, of course, is how we spend our lives. - Annie Dillard
    Visit me at exme arden

    by exmearden on Tue Sep 05, 2006 at 11:42:23 PM PDT

    •  Hey exme! (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      exmearden, blueness

          I thought about you as I wrote this.  Because I am greedy.  I want what I want.  
          As I wrote this, I knew it would get a big reaction.  I had hinted about all this in my allow me to introduce myself diary.  But, in that diary, I only said she was disabled.  I forgot to mention she has been very ill, off and on, for four years.
          Anyway, I wanted to hear from you, specifically.  I am so jealous of your diaries.  I think I am a pretty good writer.  However, you have a magic touch, a way to weave a tale into a rich tapestry.
          Anyway, I crave a little recognition, just a little positive feedback, from someone I respect, and, obviously someone who respects me.  There are only a few, so far, on my list.  You are at the top.
          So, thank you.

      Big Jack Kelly, the Smartest Guy in the World, the Arrogant Autodidact, the Sage Amongst His Books, the Seeker of Truth who Found It.

      by bigjacbigjacbigjac on Wed Sep 06, 2006 at 03:21:04 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

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