THIS JUST IN...
Satan, aka The Prince of Darkness, rebellious demon, ruler of Hell, chief enemy of God and mankind and central embodiment of evil, denounced Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez for telling the United Nations, "The devil came here yesterday, right here. It smells of sulfur still today, this table I am now standing in front of."
"Bush the DEVIL?" said Satan, contacted via Blackberry (official Satanic mode of communication). "Cheney, maybe, but BUSH? Hell (pun intended), Bush can't even run a simple torture prison like Abu Gharib without the frickin' photos showing up on every frickin' web-site in the universe. You think evil is a GAME? Bush can't handle Hillary Frickin' Clinton! Me, I've got to handle Hitler, Mao, Pol Pot, Stalin, and Nixon! Every frickin' day! For frickin' ETERNITY!"
Satan told this reporter he was sick and tired to getting "short shrift" for his logistical skills and organizational expertise. "Look at these Bush idiots. You think I could run Hell like they're running the Iraq War? You think I could OUTSOURCE the Fiery Pit of Wailing Sinners to Halliburton? You think that bunch of Young Republican shit-heads that bungled the Iraq "reconstruction" could step in manage the any one of my 9 Levels? Hoarders and Squanderers? Sowers of Discord? Flatters and Seducers? You think Bill Kristol could lock down the Pantheon of Total Bastards?? They can't even get Bubble Boy over 40%. LIGHT WEIGHTS, every one..."
Satan admitted that he did have his eye on several officials in the Bush Administration. "Cheney, like I said. He's the real deal. And Rove...there's a guy with promise. There's a dude that could actually run the Kingdom of Lies. He's efficient. He gets it done. A few millenniums working under Frigax the Vile and you've got something. But Donald Rumsfeld? Grogar the Malefic would eat him for breakfast, lunch and dinner."
With this, Satan signed off abruptly. "Ooops, Ann Coulter's buzzing me. Gotta take it. See ya."