Astonishing new Army enlistment bonus

Somehow, I suspected it would come to this.

As one of the "innovative recruiting initiatives" authorized by the 2006 National Defense Authorization Act, the office of the commanding general for the U.S. Third Army, Lt. Gen. R. Steven Whitcomb, has announced that applicants for enlistment AND re-enlistment who volunteer for service within the territory of Central Command now qualify for bonuses which are competitive with those long offered to certain members of opposing forces, the well-known offer relating to the availability of 72 virgins in paradise.

Here's a link to the DefenseLINK news article which refers generally to the initiatives: article . The specific Military Personnel message which announces the new CENTCOM enlistment bonus appears below the fold.

MILPER MESSAGE NUMBER: 06-015

REFERENCES

A. MILPER MSG #05-083, AHRG-EPT-A, ISSUED 4 APR 05, SAB.

B. MILPER MSG #05-116, AHRG-EPT-A, ISSUED 9 MAY 05, SAB.

C. HQDA MSG DAPE-MPA 01-11-06, SUBJ: CENTCOM SPECIAL COMPETITIVE INCENTIVE INITIATIVE.

D. CHAP 5 AR 601-210, CHAP 5 AR 601-280

1. THIS MILPER MESSAGE WILL EXPIRE NLT 31 DECEMBER 2006.

2. POLICY CONTAINED IN REF D.

3. ADDITIONAL GUIDANCE FOR USAREC: TO AVOID FUTURE CLAIMS OF ERRONEOUS OR UNFULFILLED COMMITMENTS, REQ CDR USAREC ENSURE RECRUITERS AND MEPS PERSONNEL ARE KNOWLEDGEABLE OF THE CONTENTS OF THIS MESSAGE.

4. ADDITIONAL GUIDANCE FOR DFAS: TO AVOID FUTURE CLAIMS OF ERRONEOUS OR UNFULFILLED COMMITMENTS, REQ CDR DFAS ENSURE THAT ALL FAO'S ARE KNOWLEDGEABLE OF THE CONTENTS OF THIS MESSAGE.

5. RULES:

A. EFFECTIVE 1 FEB 06 A NON-PRIOR SERVICE (NPS) SEASONAL ENLISTMENT BONUS (SB) IS AVAILABLE TO NPS APPLICANTS FOR A TERM OF SERVICE (TOS) OF THREE OR MORE YEARS IN ALL MOS WHO VOLUNTEER FOR SERVICE WITHIN CENTRAL COMMAND (CENTCOM). AN SB OF 72 VIRGINS UPON ADMISSION TO HEAVEN.

B. EFFECTIVE 1 FEB 06 A PRIOR SERVICE SB IS AVAILABLE TO APPLICANTS WHO HAVE BEEN SEPARATED FOR MORE THAN 90 DAYS FROM AN ACTIVE COMPONENT ENLISTING FOR A TOS OF THREE OR MORE YEARS IN ANY MOS. AN SB AMOUNT OF UP TO 28 ADDITIONAL VIRGINS UPON ADMISSION TO HEAVEN IS AVAILABLE FOR APPLICANTS WHO SERVED PREVIOUSLY WITHIN CENTCOM.

6. HRC POC FOR THIS MESSAGE IS LT. GEN. R. STEVEN WHITCOMB, CDR.

•  What do you think?

  Does anyone know why my HTML instruction didn't result in an extended entry box containing MILPER message 06-015?

  More importantly, what do you think about the U.S. Army offering the same sort of deferred compensation which some of its opponents offer?

  by JTML on Wed Jan 11, 2006 at 03:55:12 AM PDT

  •  Fixed it

    Disregard the first sentence of the above message, because I managed to create the box.

    by JTML on Wed Jan 11, 2006 at 04:16:43 AM PDT

•  Funny, but distracting

  That's pretty funny. Seriously, I got a chuckle.

  But I come to Kos for news I can't (easily) get elsewhere. Joke articles get in the way of that.

  And it "pollutes" the tags: sixth months from now as the 2006 campaigns heat up, people using Kos as a resource to take on the Republicans, will be looking for "enlistment bonus" and other tags, to produce refutations of the Republicans. We want to hand them the needle with which to needle the Republican spin machine, not distract them with a lot of "haystack" funny.

  Maybe you could prefix the diary title with "Satire:", so those that are looking for "the funnay" can find it, and uptight humorless bastards like me, and researchers sixth months from now, can skip it.

  by orthogonal on Wed Jan 11, 2006 at 04:34:10 AM PDT

  •  Good points

    I'm at a loss to know how to set up items like this, too.  I'll remove all tags later in the day, substituting some sort of generic comedy tag.  Perhaps we can petition some of the administrative personalities to create such a tag for use in these circumstances.

    While I admit that the use of ostennsibly serious tags can be a problem, I disagree about banning humor from this site.  

    This morning, I just felt like expanding on a joke I created yesterday in the waiting room my local Veterans Administration outpatient clinic, after I heard some of the older vets grousing about the sorts of enlistment and re-enlistment bonuses being dangled by Bush administration DoD types before current or prospective enlistees (my original version went like this:  "Have you heard the latest?  Because the money isn't working as well as they'd like, they've started telling people that when the troops get into Heaven they'll have access to 72 virgins, the same kind of incentive which opposing forces have been offering for years.").
    

    by JTML on Wed Jan 11, 2006 at 07:11:20 AM PDT

    •  Tags removed n/t

      by JTML on Wed Jan 11, 2006 at 07:37:53 AM PDT

    •  Thanks, man

      <div class="blockquote">I disagree about banning humor from this site.</div>

      I'm not suggesting that humor be banned or removed; just labelled so that those who want it can find it, and those who don't can avoid it.

      (And often those will be the same people, just at different times.)

      Thanks for your very friendly response.

      by orthogonal on Wed Jan 11, 2006 at 11:56:55 AM PDT

•  Well...

  I found it funny. But that's because I imagined someone like that Masterpiece Theatre host guy reading the order in his most grooooaaaannnning British accent. I think some of the humor would be lost if I imagined some hardened general reciting these orders, but that's just me. I'll give you a 4 because a) it made me laugh and b) who the hell doesn't need a laugh these days....

  by BullitNutz on Wed Jan 11, 2006 at 05:08:19 AM PDT

•  A compromise

  Could I just have four virgins, 'to go', please, with a double side order of Viagra???

  by wgard on Wed Jan 11, 2006 at 05:15:43 AM PDT

  •  Ha ha ha...another very good point

    More humor on the way...let me tell you my experience with the V.A. health system and Viagra:  I once was given a presscription for Viagra--two tablets arrived each month (four doses, because each could be halved), rattling around in a plastic bottle which could have contained one hundred, packaged in protected mailing envelope--I had to sign for each such envelope at my post office, because the V.A. didn't want those valuable two tablets getting into the wrong hands.

    by JTML on Wed Jan 11, 2006 at 07:18:00 AM PDT

•  Just one problem, though

  Just where are they gonna find that many virgins? Huh? Anybody think about that?!

  by elmo on Wed Jan 11, 2006 at 06:22:28 AM PDT

  •  I could use some help here

    People who have questioned the basis of the Muslim incentive have asked all sorts of similar questions (go ahead, do your own Internet search on the topic), but those of us who live in a country in which a magazine titled Barely Legal is marketed shouldn't feel too smug.

    Because I believe that our cultural emphasis on breast size is wrongheaded (and, where some young women and girls are concerned, hurtful), I reduced the comic effect of my message by leaving out any reference to the Muslim promise of "round-breasted" virgins.

    by JTML on Wed Jan 11, 2006 at 07:34:04 AM PDT

•  Funny stuff

  but once again - parody or humor pieces getting mixed in with legit news items.

  How about a separate area for the humor pieces? Or a protocol that the title should begin with HUMOR?

  Just a thought...

  by WV Democrat on Wed Jan 11, 2006 at 06:33:25 AM PDT

  •  Again, I agree

    Kos, is anything being done about this?  Is a policy being fashioned, and will it be instituted before the summer gathering?

    by JTML on Wed Jan 11, 2006 at 07:19:25 AM PDT