Chapter Two: In Which I Advise the Media

At the gym tonight the local news was on. The lead story was about Ford dumping 30,000 workers and closing five plants. Then on the same program that carried the story I saw three Ford commercials, each one pushing a big-ass truck, either "powerful enought to haul a boat" or galavanting through the desert. Just the stuff most of us do everyday. Who the fuck is this company listening to? Then I wondered the same thing about the program I was watching.  

Many of my friends rarely watch local news, just as they rarely buy big Fords. This reluctance to inflict nightly pain on our brains isn't just shared by progressives; I know conservatives who complain just as much about the quality of their 6 PM broadcasts. Now, there are a pile of books, some well-known, that document the poor quality of television news, so I'm not going to dredge up a lot of specifics. What I do want to do is offer free advice to our local news directors, because I'm sure they're listening to the wrong consultants. Advice follows.

It's clear news directors graduate from the same schools, attend the same conferences, read the same publications, and hire the same consultants. Why? Because their evening programs all look alike. I live in a large city with several indistinguishable nightly newscasts, but it wouldn't matter if I were in Denver, Miami, Boston, or Seattle - I'd feel at home.

You know what I mean. Begin with the anchors: they look like Stepford dolls who studied Broadcast News seriously - instead of as satire. There's almost always two of them, a good-looking 35ish man and a woman, nice hair. They have big-teeth smiles, sharp shoulders, and nod (seriously) a lot; and there's plenty of happy chatter between the anchors, the sports guy, and the weatherperson. They must be real pals.  

Regardless of the channel, they're surrounded by the same high-tech, polished utopias. There's a bunch of shiny graphics that leap out at you, always accompanied by some Wagnerian moog music. And when one station introduces a new whiz-bang graphic, like the weatherman's panning 3-D presentation, it won't be long until the others have it. (I've noticed there's a lot of standing now by anchors; I guess a poll showed viewers believe standers more than sitters.)  

Next look at the structure: news, sports, weather, and always, always end with a happy story, like a new baby giraffe at the zoo. Within this structure the "content" is the worst, of course, because it's not news; it's titillation, sensationalism, fear-mongering, self-promotion, human interest stories, you name it. If they really did "news," they'd cover stories that affect our lives - like what the city council or legislature is doing - instead of some car chase in Detroit captured by their "sister station's" helicopter. They'd be "investigating" shit that matters, not dry cleaners that are ripping people off. This list could go on forever, but these shortcomings are legendary (recall Murrow's warning) and everyone gripes about them, so I'll stop.

Here's what I can't figure out, though. In my town there are four stations doing the same thing at the same time. I can't tell them apart, and they're all lightweight, contentless crap. They're little more than filler between the commercials. One station usually dominates the ratings, and the others fight it out for number 2 and 3, but there is always that one station at the bottom of this terrible mess.

So here's my free advice for Number 4: What if you quit listening to the same lame-ass consultants, took a flying fucking leap, and did the opposite? What if you hired real journalists, not hairdos, to report real news - sort of a Lehrer Report at the local level? What if you dispensed with the happy talk, cute stories, and car crashes? What if you questioned elected officials and held their feet to the fire, instead of sucking up? Sure, you'd lose a boatload of viewers and advertisers, but you'd gain a lot of new folks who want something different - news! (Not to mention advertisers who realize your viewers are educated - with good jobs.)

We've seen a similar thing with Air America. They acquired inexpensive radio stations whose Arbitron rating was, like, 1, and now they're at 15. Not the largest, to be sure, but they did demonstrate there is an audience for a different kind of talk radio. Would the same thing work for TV news? Would you watch? Or are they just too corporate, inert, and uncreative that it'll never happen? Are they too afraid of pissing off advertisers? What does Number 4 have to lose?

•  Since the airwaves are a public resource...

  ... maybe all broadcast companies should be required, under federal law, to do the news without advertising breaks for one hour each evening, as a matter of public interest.  Perhaps mandate a 10-minute block for the day's legislative and executive activity at the local and state level, a couple of minutes for important judicial action, and a few minutes of C-SPAN-like federal coverage.  The news shouldn't be entertaining.  It should be informative.  And if Americans think that's boring, that reflects poorly on us, not on the blessed people who bring us real news coverage.

  by socratic on Mon Jan 23, 2006 at 09:05:51 PM PDT

  •  I'd love to see something like C-SPAN

    at the local level. I think a lot of us have had to work with our local officials, both city and state, and it's scary to think that these people control billions of dollars, set our education policy, and determine our futures in many ways. Tonight on my local news there was a story about one of our legislators - his son was arrested! Aside from that, I rarely if ever see anything on TV news about what they're doing.  

    by Mother Mags on Mon Jan 23, 2006 at 09:16:38 PM PDT

•  To be fair

  *They'd be "investigating" shit that matters, not dry cleaners that are ripping people off.*

  I would consider this a valid topic for a news show to cover. If my dry cleaner is ripping me off (not that I have one...) I'd rather like to know about it. The rest of your points are quite accurate, though.

  by Drocket on Mon Jan 23, 2006 at 09:33:44 PM PDT

  •  I know what you mean,

    a crappy dry cleaners, bad muffler shop, or terrible restaurant can be something that affects you, but I'd argue it shouldn't be part of a "news" show. If they want to get into this "investigative" 60 Minutes gotcha stuff, do that as another show. Every one of our nightly news shows has a team "looking out for you!" and their escapades are often the lead story. I just wish they'd be as diligent with the larger, political issues.

    by Mother Mags on Mon Jan 23, 2006 at 09:44:56 PM PDT

•  The local news

  is more a vehicle for the station to generate ad revenue than for broadcasting information.

  If you were told what was really going on you'd be able to make decisions and that's the last thing they want, an informed public.

  The only thing worth watching is the weather and even that's wrong half the time!

  by Gegner on Mon Jan 23, 2006 at 09:58:09 PM PDT

  •  Agree, but if they ARE

    a vehicle for revenue generation - and I agree they are - wouldn't the Number 4 station be able to ramp up their advertising revenue if they increased their viewership by appealing to this untapped market (i.e., the many folks that don't watch because it's so lame)?

    by Mother Mags on Mon Jan 23, 2006 at 10:05:46 PM PDT

•  wasn't chapter two

  the clone wars?

  by skippy on Mon Jan 23, 2006 at 10:00:42 PM PDT

  •  You are correct, General Kenobi

    by Mother Mags on Mon Jan 23, 2006 at 10:10:49 PM PDT

    •  smart alecks

      are we all.

      by skippy on Tue Jan 24, 2006 at 09:22:20 AM PDT

•  How silly to think it's co-ordinated

  at the national level.

  by macdust on Mon Jan 23, 2006 at 10:39:37 PM PDT

  •  Even sillier to keep doin'

    what they're doin' - for the Number 4 station. That was the point. Take all those public journalism seminars, civic responsibility workshops, ethics in news conferences (and, yes, I've been to them) and do something with them.

    by Mother Mags on Mon Jan 23, 2006 at 11:05:56 PM PDT

•  Yep.

  Local "news" is a complete waste of time.

  Fires, shootings, car wrecks, sometimes a drug-related court proceeding, and the typical installment of another of the 1001 things that can kill you if you don't wash your hands.  The rest is sports and weather - and God do they spend the time and bucks on weather.

  ALL of the above are things you are NEVER, EVER likely to have any control over AT ALL.

  I hope they take your advice, Mother.  Unfortunately, I don't think they will.  They have pretty pictures to show us between the products their true customers are trying to foist upon us.

  by trupatriot on Mon Jan 23, 2006 at 11:20:37 PM PDT