Here's a little pop quiz, in terms of current events. Given the following three situations:
1) A married man having an affair with a younger woman.
2) Two middle aged women in New Jersey who love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives as partners.
3) A child sex predator who engages in online sex with children, asks for photos of them and their friends, and attempts to arrange in-person sexual meetings with them, with the assistance of a group of men who attempted to cover it up.
See if you can figure out which of those belongs in which of these categories:
a) Straight
b) Gay
c) A child sex predator who engages in online sex with children, asks for photos of them and their friends, and attempts to arrange in-person sexual meetings with them, with the assistance of a group of men who attempted to cover it up.
Go slow, here -- If you're a conservative visiting from elsewhere, take your time. This may be the first time in your life you've faced this question, and I don't want to get sued for causing an embolism or making people have nervous breakdowns or something. No hurry.
OK, got it? Great! Now for the next question.
If you were the kind of person so mindnumbingly, star-spangledly stupid -- say, a head injury victim, or a victim of this country's tragic lead-based paint legacy -- that you can manage to get the answer to that Child Sex Predator question wrong, would you most likely be:
1) A prominent anchor for Fox News.
2) A torture-supporting prominent conservative commenter just back from a Viagra-using trip to a Caribbean country known for easy tourist access to male and female child prostitutes.
3) A self proclaimed guardian of "moral values" who wrote in his parenting book that fathers should take showers with their young children so the young boys could admire the size and thickness of their father's penis.
Yeah, that one was a bit of a trick. The answer is "all of the above".
Note to the few shattered remnants of "moral" America trying to once again launch into faux-moral hatefests against everyone around them rather than face the substance of anything resembling the actual issue here: if you don't know the difference between straight, gay, and child sex predator -- you don't get a voice in the debate. We don't have to pay attention to what you think of as "moral" any more, because you clearly can't figure it out for yourself.
Oh: but I'll hereby invite Brit Hume, Rush Limbaugh, and James Dobson to kindly stay far the hell away from our kids, because if you can't determine any substantial moral differences between a straight American having an affair, a gay American who has the mere audacity to exist, and an internet sex predator preying on children, I'm thinking your own sexual boundary lines aren't as well-drawn as I'd like to see among middle-aged and elderly men.
Just. Frigging. Saying.