From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
A Molly Ivins history lesson on North Korea:
Eric Alterman picked this bit up in The Book on Bush: "The tone of [Colin] Powell's tenure was set early in the administration, when he announced that he planned `to pick up where the Clinton administration had left off' in trying to secure the peace between North and South Korea, while negotiating with the North to prevent its acquisition of nuclear weaponry. The president not only repudiated his secretary of state in public, announcing, `We're not certain as to whether or not they're keeping all terms of all agreements,' he did so during a joint appearance with South Korean President (and Nobel laureate for peace for his own efforts with the North) Kim Dae-Jung, thereby humiliating his honored guest, as well." [...]
Remember Bush's diplomatic interview with Bob Woodward in which he said, "I loathe Kim Jong Il!" Waving his finger, he added, "I've got a visceral reaction to this guy because he is starving his people." Bush also said he wanted to "topple him" and called him a "pygmy." How old were you when you learned not to antagonize and infuriate the local crazy bully?
A Nobel Peace Prize...something for which The Decider will never have to make room on his rumpus room trophy shelf next to his blowed-up frogs.
Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Note: When conducting delicate International diplomacy, you'll always score extra points if you refer to your opponent as "Buttercup."
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By the Numbers:
Days `til the mid-term elections: 21 (three weeks)
Days `til the YearlyKos convention in Chicago August 2-5: 255
Number of leading economists who recently called for an increase in the minimum wage: 650
(Source: Think Progress)
Inches of snow in Buffalo on Saturday: 22"
Inches of snow there on Sunday: 5"
(Source: MSNBC weather guy)
Score late in the 3rd quarter during last night's NFL game: Arizona 23 Chicago 3
Final score: Arizona 23 Chicago 24
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Your Puppy Pic of the Day: Brutus, the Labrador Snowplow.
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CHEERS to the Great Spoiler. In yesterday's three-way (kinky!) Connecticut Senatorial debate, Republican Alan Schlesinger came out swinging, surprising damn near everyone with his debate skills and possibly putting a dent in the Lieberman campaign's Cadillac. Whether it was a watershed moment or not, I don't know. But only a crazy person could watch Ned Lamont's closing speech and not agree: Schlesinger and Lieberman deserve to cancel each other out...and Mr. Smith deserves to go to Washington.
CHEERS to John Murtha. In today's must-read, the bulldog congressman chews up the Republicans' latest slur, "Defeatocrat," and spits it back in their face:
Despite the presence of more than 140,000 U.S. troops in Iraq, 23,000 Americans injured or killed, tens of thousands of Iraqi deaths and the expenditure of nearly a half a trillion dollars, here are the dismal results:
In September, 776 U.S troops were wounded in Iraq, the highest monthly toll in more than two years. Over the past year, the number of attacks against U.S. personnel has doubled, rising from 400 to more than 800 per week. In the past two months, 6,000 Iraqis died, more than in the first year of the war. [...]
Democrats are fighting a war on two fronts: One is combating the spin and intimidation that defines this administration. The other is fighting to change course, to do things better, to substitute smart, disciplined strategy for dogma and denial in Iraq. That's not defeatism. That's our duty.
That's tellin' `em.
JEERS to Republican corruption. C&J is shocked---SHOCKED!---to learn that Congressman Bob Ney, from my beloved home state of Ohio, has pleaded guilty to charges of financial wankery. His sorry ass (and two-dollar haircut) is expected to be booted out within days. Friendly tip, Bob: try to commandeer Duke "Crazy Dawg" Cunningham's top bunk in the pokey and your first venture out in the yard'll be your last.
JEERS to vermin on the Hill. Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky is the very model of a modern major, um, prick:
A six-month examination of U.S. Sen. Mitch McConnell's career by the Lexington (Ky.) Herald-Leader, based on thousands of documents and scores of interviews, "shows the nexus between his actions and his donors' agendas," the paper concludes in a major report today. "He pushes the government to help cigarette makers, Las Vegas casinos, the pharmaceutical industry, credit card lenders, coal mine owners and others.
Because, of course, a cigarette- and gambling addicted, price-gouged, debt-ridden citizenry that works in unsafe conditions is a happy citizenry.
CHEERS to Bubba's boiling point. Speaking at Iowa's Jefferson-Jackson dinner over the weekend, Bill Clinton delivered another broadside: "In Iraq, which is famous for no-bid contracts, $9 billion has gone missing and there has been no serious congressional investigation. There's never been a more secretive, unaccountable administration." Um...has anyone checked under Paul Bremer's mattress?
CHEERS to "a very honest general." Britain's new top army chief, Sir General Sir Richard Sir Dannatt, says it's bloody obvious that the Queen's subjects would be better served by pulling the country's troops out of Iraq soon: "I want an Army in five years time and 10 years time. Don't let's break it on this [war]." Yes, let's don't let's. I think.
P.S. Memo to the Bush twins: General Dannatt also said "he understands why Prince William and Prince Harry want to serve on the frontline but has not yet decided whether they will be allowed to fight in Afghanistan." Okay, shoo now, girls...back to your jazzercise class.
SLEIGH BELLS RING, ARE YA LISTENIN'? to premature moisture-hitting-cold-air-ulation. Early memo from Mother Nature to the good people of Buffalo and vicinity: Trick or Treeeeat!!! On the bright side, only five months `til Spring.
JEERS to trouble in paradise. The words "Hawaii" and "Disaster area" should never find themselves sitting side by side in the same sentence. Unfortunately they did Sunday when the "Tiny Bubbles" state completely ran out of Macadamia nuts. And got hit by a level six-point-holy-shit earthquake. Now clean up yer mess...or with God as our witness we'll send in FEMA.
CHEERS to book learnin'. On October 17, 1979, President Carter signed legislation creating the Department of Education. Our current secretary's first act was to censor an episode of PBS's kiddie fave Postcards from Buster last year because a lesbian couple appeared in it for 2.5 seconds. Is there nothing these hacks don't want to "drown in the bathtub?"
JEERS to today's Bullshit Moment. From TIME magazine's interview with Rupert Murdoch comes this whopper:
TIME: Is there anything Fox has done in the past 10 years that in retrospect you thought was "unfair and unbalanced"?
MURDOCH: Nothing I can think of. As someone who is reputed to be more conservative than I really am, I get annoyed sometimes that subjects are not put out properly, explained properly. But in short, no. [Fox News chief] Roger Ailes has been insistent on equal time for all sides.
TIME forgot to add Murdoch's coda to that statement: "Wink Wink!"
CHEERS to African booby chicks. On this date in 1888, the first issue of National Geographic went on sale. Followed later that evening by the first kid to stash it under his mattress.
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And now...today's installment of Pope Benedict XVI Theatre!!!
Wicked Witch: The slippers...yes! The slippers! They're gone! The ruby slippers! What have you done with them? Give them back to me or I'll...
Glinda: It's too late! There they are, and there they'll stay.
Benedict: Hi'dee Ho, Beeyotch!!
Tomorrow...Flying Monkeys! On Pope Benedict XVI Theatre!!!
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WHOOPS! to the Kingmaker. Markos said this one week ago today: "I am suddenly in sports heaven. The A's will kick Detroit's ass." Never mind that purring sound you hear coming from 2,395 miles to the east, Kos. It's probably nothing.
CHEERS to chasing a dream. On this date in 532, Boniface II ended his reign as Catholic Pope, stepping down to pursue a career as a John Deere salesman. No, wait, he died. Thanks a lot, Wikipedia.
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Two Years Ago in C&J: October 17, 2004...
JEERS to Baghdad Club Med. Ahmad al-Jobori, Iraq's new tourism minister, says travelers should stay away from his country: "I understand all about wanting to have an adventure. But Iraq could be a one-way trip." The Maytag repairman is celebrating because he no longer has the loneliest job in the world.
CHEERS to great punch lines. SNL alum Kevin Nealon was in town last Thursday for an evening of stand-up at our local Comedy Connection. One of our favorites: "Reports now say that smoking causes colon cancer. But you have to inhale really deep."
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And just one more...
CHEERS to Bethyboo Woodward. Portland Press Herald sleuth Beth Quimby penned a culture-shattering, 1,073-word article on "grinding" in Saturday's edition of the paper that plays like a rejected script for Footloose:
That night, the dance floor filled up with teens, mostly dressed in jeans. The lights dimmed. A laser disco ball began to rotate, and student DJ Scott Ramsdell, a senior and self-described "nondancer," started the music. A few students danced some swinglike moves on the side, but most congregated in a big writhing clump.
Connor Thomes, a sophomore, broke away from the clump to report there was some grinding going on despite the ban. She said most students were at a loss because they did not know how to dance anything else.
"This homecoming is so lame. I don't know how to dance without grinding," she said.
You just don't understand! I hate you, I hate you!!
[SLAM!]
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Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless Testimonial:
"It is long past time for a new direction that restores integrity and civility to Cheers and Jeers.
---Rep. Nancy Pelosi
10/13/06
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