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•  Yep

  I had a teacher who... well.  There were rumors of other girls he had behaved inappropriately with.  One girl suddenly transferred schools.  I didn't believe the rumors - he was too cool for that.  And I never thought I was in danger - I wasn't pretty enough.

  Well, apparently I was.  He gave me a lift home from school one evening and came on strong.  I escaped without much more than psychic damage.  I said nothing about it.  For years.

  Later on he lost his job over another girl.

  I still hate him.  Now that I have a child, thinking about him bothers me in a completely different way.

  Burn, Foley, burn.

  by Nina Katarina on Mon Oct 02, 2006 at 11:51:48 AM PDT

  •  Tip Jar

    I had to be away for a few hours and forgot to put one out.  I don't write many diaries as you can tell.  Thank you all for your support.  I appreciate the chance to get it off my chest.

    by Roadie on Mon Oct 02, 2006 at 01:31:42 PM PDT

•  Goes to show

  that it doesn't really matter whether an abuser actually physically abuses you. His behavior has a kind of ripple effect, with profoundly negative consequences for everyone they have any contact with.

  Whether or not Foley had any actual contact with anybody, you can bet dozens or hundreds of boys will have baggage like yours well into the future.

  Thank you very, very much for having the courage to share. Please accept my warmest regards and hopes for you.

  by leftilicious on Mon Oct 02, 2006 at 11:52:06 AM PDT

•  Story

  Thank you for sharing.  I'm sure that was difficult to write.

  by smokeymonkey on Mon Oct 02, 2006 at 11:54:16 AM PDT

•  Thanks for sharing

  I know stuff like this is difficult to deal with. My son in law was assaulted in a public rest room when he was a teenager- he's a short guy so he figured he was easy prey, but to this day he will not use a public rest room. The scars that we carry from sick people who had 'power' over us as children affect many. So you can imagine how it affects victims who suffered the actual real dirty deed.

  "Time is for careful people, not passionate ones"

  by roseeriter on Mon Oct 02, 2006 at 11:56:12 AM PDT

•  had a similar experience

  via the Catholic Church.  It was our local Bishop who has since been accused of child abuse.  One of his accusers committed suicide and left a note detailing the abuse.

  I was never preyed upon but I saw him continually ask for the same 2 boys to say mass after walking down the line of children looking at us like a depraived drill sergeant.

  by lightnessofbeing on Mon Oct 02, 2006 at 11:57:54 AM PDT

•  I commend you for your courage

  in writing this, especially in such a huge public forum.

  You are so right. HE tried to instill the shame in you. that is part of the grooming process.  Predators have a sixth sense of what works on which kids from YEARS OF PRACTICE at being predators.

  Young kids have no defenses against this kind of evil predatory behavior.

  Good for you for the ah ha moment. You should be so proud of yourself for so many reasons. :)

  by etherapy on Mon Oct 02, 2006 at 12:06:35 PM PDT

•  Hugs - it is emotionally draining to write this

  Any here that have written about their experiences will tell you that it is emotionally draining to write about. Whether you are 14 or 40 or 50 or more...it is a guilt that 'they' want to lay on us as the victims.

  You are one of many bright lights shining on the evil of child molestors and predators.

  Thank you for sharing your story here. Know that you are not at fault or guilty and absolutely never alone here.

  by SallyCat on Mon Oct 02, 2006 at 12:07:47 PM PDT

  •  Oh yeah - put out a tip jar.....

    by SallyCat on Mon Oct 02, 2006 at 12:08:34 PM PDT

•  I'm so sorry this happened to you.

  I'm afraid for my young son of the things that are out there. I hope reading and hearing about experiences such as yours will help me to be better prepared than it sounds your parents were.

  On the shaming issue, I had a similar (but not sexually-related) experience when I caught my seventh-grade teacher involved in some unethical behavior. He took my friend and I aside after class and berated us for being horrible students (I got straight A's). It took me years to figure out what he was really doing-- scaring us into keeping quiet.

  by chaskagirl on Mon Oct 02, 2006 at 12:08:03 PM PDT

•  Yes

  The emotional abuse has longer-lasting consequences than the physical (not to minimize any of the consequences). I'm glad to read about your "a-ha moment." I know changing the gut-level feelings of innapropriate shame is still hard even after realizing that it's not appropriate. Keep fighting for yourself.

  by rm on Mon Oct 02, 2006 at 12:14:46 PM PDT

•  I'm glad you had your "aha" moment

  to realize that the responsiblity was all his.

  I'm sorry you had to carry that burden for so long before it happened, but I salute you for having the courage to share your story with us.

  by boadicea on Mon Oct 02, 2006 at 12:21:04 PM PDT

•  That's the worst thing about the way this works

  is that the youngster is always left feeling that they should have done something different - that they were to blame.  If they let something happen, they should have stopped it.  If they run away, they were wrong and misinterpreted just "friendly" behaviour.  If they tell, they are liars.  If they keep quiet, they are cowards and "deserve it".  

  No matter what a young person does, that child will find a way to interpret events to hold themselves to blame and find the person in authority who they respect and whose esteem means so much as blameless.

  by LondonYank on Mon Oct 02, 2006 at 12:41:59 PM PDT

  •  You are so right

    by Cowalker on Mon Oct 02, 2006 at 12:50:19 PM PDT

  •  That is exactly correct

    well put.

    by Roadie on Mon Oct 02, 2006 at 01:38:52 PM PDT