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Mon Oct 02, 2006 at 11:47:53 AM PDT

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Tags: Sexual Abuse, Mark Foley, Boy Scouts, pedophilia (all tags) :: Previous Tag Versions

Permalink | 15 comments

  •  Yep (9+ / 0-)

    I had a teacher who... well.  There were rumors of other girls he had behaved inappropriately with.  One girl suddenly transferred schools.  I didn't believe the rumors - he was too cool for that.  And I never thought I was in danger - I wasn't pretty enough.

    Well, apparently I was.  He gave me a lift home from school one evening and came on strong.  I escaped without much more than psychic damage.  I said nothing about it.  For years.

    Later on he lost his job over another girl.

    I still hate him.  Now that I have a child, thinking about him bothers me in a completely different way.

    Burn, Foley, burn.

  •  Goes to show (9+ / 0-)

    that it doesn't really matter whether an abuser actually physically abuses you. His behavior has a kind of ripple effect, with profoundly negative consequences for everyone they have any contact with.

    Whether or not Foley had any actual contact with anybody, you can bet dozens or hundreds of boys will have baggage like yours well into the future.

    Thank you very, very much for having the courage to share. Please accept my warmest regards and hopes for you.

    Conservatives love America like four-year-old kids love their mommies. -Al Franken

    by leftilicious on Mon Oct 02, 2006 at 11:52:06 AM PDT

  •  Story (4+ / 0-)

    Thank you for sharing.  I'm sure that was difficult to write.

    We're all just monkeys burning in hell. SmokeyMonkey.org

    by smokeymonkey on Mon Oct 02, 2006 at 11:54:16 AM PDT

  •  Thanks for sharing (4+ / 0-)

    Recommended by:
    sobermom, SallyCat, bronte17, boadicea

    I know stuff like this is difficult to deal with. My son in law was assaulted in a public rest room when he was a teenager- he's a short guy so he figured he was easy prey, but to this day he will not use a public rest room. The scars that we carry from sick people who had 'power' over us as children affect many. So you can imagine how it affects victims who suffered the actual real dirty deed.

    "Time is for careful people, not passionate ones"

    by roseeriter on Mon Oct 02, 2006 at 11:56:12 AM PDT

  •  had a similar experience (3+ / 0-)

    Recommended by:
    SallyCat, bronte17, boadicea

    via the Catholic Church.  It was our local Bishop who has since been accused of child abuse.  One of his accusers committed suicide and left a note detailing the abuse.

    I was never preyed upon but I saw him continually ask for the same 2 boys to say mass after walking down the line of children looking at us like a depraived drill sergeant.

    typos are often serendipitously appropriate + HowOd

    by lightnessofbeing on Mon Oct 02, 2006 at 11:57:54 AM PDT

  •  I commend you for your courage (6+ / 0-)

    in writing this, especially in such a huge public forum.

    You are so right. HE tried to instill the shame in you. that is part of the grooming process.  Predators have a sixth sense of what works on which kids from YEARS OF PRACTICE at being predators.

    Young kids have no defenses against this kind of evil predatory behavior.

    Good for you for the ah ha moment. You should be so proud of yourself for so many reasons. :)

  •  Hugs - it is emotionally draining to write this (2+ / 0-)

    Recommended by:
    sobermom, dwahzon

    Any here that have written about their experiences will tell you that it is emotionally draining to write about. Whether you are 14 or 40 or 50 or more...it is a guilt that 'they' want to lay on us as the victims.

    You are one of many bright lights shining on the evil of child molestors and predators.

    Thank you for sharing your story here. Know that you are not at fault or guilty and absolutely never alone here.

    Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities has the power to make you commit injustices. Voltaire 1694-1778

    by SallyCat on Mon Oct 02, 2006 at 12:07:47 PM PDT

  •  I'm so sorry this happened to you. (3+ / 0-)

    Recommended by:
    sobermom, SallyCat, bronte17

    I'm afraid for my young son of the things that are out there. I hope reading and hearing about experiences such as yours will help me to be better prepared than it sounds your parents were.

    On the shaming issue, I had a similar (but not sexually-related) experience when I caught my seventh-grade teacher involved in some unethical behavior. He took my friend and I aside after class and berated us for being horrible students (I got straight A's). It took me years to figure out what he was really doing-- scaring us into keeping quiet.

  •  Yes (4+ / 0-)

    Recommended by:
    Cowalker, sobermom, SallyCat, bronte17

    The emotional abuse has longer-lasting consequences than the physical (not to minimize any of the consequences). I'm glad to read about your "a-ha moment." I know changing the gut-level feelings of innapropriate shame is still hard even after realizing that it's not appropriate. Keep fighting for yourself.

  •  I'm glad you had your "aha" moment (4+ / 0-)

    Recommended by:
    sobermom, SallyCat, bronte17, eastmt

    to realize that the responsiblity was all his.

    I'm sorry you had to carry that burden for so long before it happened, but I salute you for having the courage to share your story with us.

    Before you win, you have to fight. Come fight along with us at TexasKaos.

    by boadicea on Mon Oct 02, 2006 at 12:21:04 PM PDT

  •  That's the worst thing about the way this works (7+ / 0-)

    is that the youngster is always left feeling that they should have done something different - that they were to blame.  If they let something happen, they should have stopped it.  If they run away, they were wrong and misinterpreted just "friendly" behaviour.  If they tell, they are liars.  If they keep quiet, they are cowards and "deserve it".  

    No matter what a young person does, that child will find a way to interpret events to hold themselves to blame and find the person in authority who they respect and whose esteem means so much as blameless.

    "Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?" - Abraham Lincoln

    by LondonYank on Mon Oct 02, 2006 at 12:41:59 PM PDT

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