Letterman Rips O'Liarly Tonight! Stay tuned for "Artificial Facts"

Don't miss Letterman tonight.  Sounds like Dave smacked O'Liarly a good one.  Or two or three.  I can't wait to watch.

Best line - Dave to Billy: "You're putting words in my mouth, just the way you put artificial facts in your head!"

Here's the context:

"Oh, stop it," O'Reilly scolds the host. "Saddam Hussein slaughtered 300,000 to 400,000 people, all right, so knock it off . . . It isn't so black and white, Dave - it isn't, 'We're a bad country. Bush is an evil liar.' That's not true."

"I didn't say he was an evil liar," Letterman shoots back. "You're putting words in my mouth, just the way you put artificial facts in your head!"

Not black and white?  Say wha?  O'Liarly is the Dark Prince of Black and White!  He knows no nuance!  

Furthermore, the NY Post headline is Humorless Dave Rips O'Reilly.  http://www.nypost.com/...

Now this puts me in mind of Tucker Carlson a couple of years back, when Jon Stewart was on that Crossfire show, and Carlson told Jon to be funny.  Why should Jon or Dave be funny 100% of the time?  I appreciate that even comedians can discuss deadly serious issues.

•  I must have missed ...

  it.  O'Reilly has a head?  I thought he was all anus.

  by emsprater on Fri Oct 27, 2006 at 12:02:08 PM PDT

  •  well, I've seen asses talk!

    by Asinus Asinum Fricat on Fri Oct 27, 2006 at 12:09:52 PM PDT

  •  I was going to say...

    Falafel doesn't store his facts in his head.

    Only way he can tease them out is with his vibrator.

    by Exquisite Corpse on Fri Oct 27, 2006 at 12:12:17 PM PDT

•  O'REILLY SAYS IRAQI TERRORISTS NOT ALL BAD !!!

  Waiting for the headlines.

  by Capybara on Fri Oct 27, 2006 at 12:13:57 PM PDT

•  The lobes of O'Reilly's brain.

  The Granduer Cortex: Where O'Reilly stores his delusions of grandeur.

  The Paranoia Lobe: Devoted entirely to helping O'Reilly combat his many enemies, like those al-Qaeda types who put a hit out on him.

  The Shout Center: Connects messages from the spleen and gallbladder directly to the vocal cords.

  The Occipital Bore-tex: Used during, droning monologues, punctuated by the stock-word "Okay?"

  The Hippocan'tus: Tells callers what they can and cannot say.

  The Rovian Synapse: Nerve bundle that feeds the rest of the brain with GOP talking points as soon as they are received.

  The Corpus Callousum: Equips O'Reilly with scorn for the lower class.

  The Pons Postureosa: Enables O'Reilly to pretend to have blue-collar roots (while at the same time despising those who truly do)

  The Medulla Makeshituppa: Helps O'Reilly think up new awards that he "won."

  The Hypofalafel: A flat, puffy lobe that generates the desire to harrass co-workers with obscene phone calls and vague threats.

  by droogie6655321 on Fri Oct 27, 2006 at 12:30:17 PM PDT

  •  I was going to say something snarky

    about the facts in his head and the lack of anything for them to hang on, but you did a much better job of describing his artificial brain then I could.

    by jimraff on Fri Oct 27, 2006 at 12:43:14 PM PDT

  •  WAY Too Funny! Great Job! ;-) n/t

    by Shaking the Tree on Fri Oct 27, 2006 at 01:51:13 PM PDT

•  You notice

  how he say Saddam slaughtered 300 to 400k people, he didn't say Iraqis, so I guess you would have to include the war with Iran and the Iranians who died in that war.

  One woman from AIPAC said on Bill Maher "A million people died under Saddam Hussein (warning conservative link here). The thing is that statement, I wonder would that include those who died under sanctions, natural causes, Iranian war casualties. Note she didn't say they were murdered, but they died under his rule.

  So she's lying, without "lying", is my theory here. I feel it may be a recurring talking point.

  I would love to see actual statistics from the UN.

  by bam bam on Fri Oct 27, 2006 at 12:40:27 PM PDT

•  Put 'Letterman rips O'Lielly' in headline

  or something like that.

  by deepsouthdoug on Fri Oct 27, 2006 at 01:00:11 PM PDT

•  Yes, this diary might make the rec list

  if you mention Letterman in the title - I had no idea Falafel was going to be on tonight, I'll be sure to PVR it now.

  by Flip You Melon Farmer on Fri Oct 27, 2006 at 01:08:20 PM PDT

  •  I think it's too far down the list now to get not

    but you make a very good point.  I just loved the "artificial facts" thing.  And having not seen the show, I'm not positive Letterman rips him... but surely he does!

    by Montague on Fri Oct 27, 2006 at 01:24:38 PM PDT

•  You forgot the best part

  Jon Stewart used a variation on a comment attributed to both Churchill and Oscar Wilde. Jon Stewart said he wasn't going to funny for Carlson (or"I'm not gonna be your monkey" )but that he'd be on his own show the next night and he would be funny, he said Carlson, on the other hand was a dick now and would continue to be a dick.
  In the Wilde/Churchill anecdote, Wilde (or Churchill) got drunk at a party and said to a society woman, "Madam, you're ugly." She replied, "Sir, You are drunk!' He said,'Ahh, but I'll be sober in the morning."

  by slouching on Fri Oct 27, 2006 at 01:21:39 PM PDT

•  I'm watching Oprah

  right now and O'Lielly is her only guest.  They are taking questions and comments from the audience.  One white guy is castigating O'Lielly and a black guy is sticking up for him.  I am not a racist, but that does not make sense to me whatsoever.  O'Lielly keeps putting his foot in his mouth when he is called on something he has written in his rotten book.  He says there is his way or the highway and then backs down when called on it.  O is doing nothing but moderating.  She is no David Letterman.
  From now on, my new mantra is:  SP and proud to be!
  SP (Secular Progressive).  If O'Lielly is against it, which he is, I'm all for it.

  by oibme on Fri Oct 27, 2006 at 01:29:34 PM PDT

•  Billly Boy has loofah-fibers for brains

  Now, he's ragging on Letterman on the Oprah show.  

  by big spoiled baby on Fri Oct 27, 2006 at 01:42:25 PM PDT