Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls and trolls of all make and model, it is that time of year again. As the fall winds its way toward winter, giving those in northern climes the occassional gust of chill winds and barren trees, the special October event that has international and historic significance is again resurrected.
It's Halloween.
The holiday of spooks, ghouls, goblins and boglins. What better time to announce a photoshop contest for Kossacks to see who can design the best Halloween commemorative Dick Cheney doll? ...jump with me for more details...
First, I blame DarkSyde for starting this -- not that "blame" is necessarily a good word. He started it all in
yesterday morning's post. Oh, and Bill Clinton - we've got to blame Bill too. Now that I've taken care of the typical Republicanesque approach toward responsibility and accountability, please read on...
The concept of Cheney action figures and specialty dolls bewitched my mind and led to an expansion on the topic into the realm of suitable action accessories and companions in last night's Top Comments. The idea took on a life of its own.
Now, fully snared in the spell of the oncoming All Hallows Eve, I am powerless to restrain myself. I must draw in all unsuspecting Kossacks, and attempt to ensare them in a PhotoShop challenge to challenge the ages and scare the bejeesus out of unsuspecting souls the world over.
And so it begins.
Here's the list so far:
Dick Cheney Dolls and Action Figures List
1.) "Seed Pod" Cheney, who oozed forth from the alien seed pod in the WH basement, a soft gooey look-alike but devoid of heart and soul
2.) "Terminator" Cheney, built by the Halliburton AI
3.) "Gollum" Cheney, who wore the Neocon Rings too much
4.) "Tickle Me" Cheney, the one that market research indicates might scare you into unconsiousness with its garish laugh but may induce nightmares in small children and insecure adults.
5.) "Bury Me" Cheney, for those occassions when he nods off during state addresses and is mistakenly presumed dead until the backup generator recharges his pacemaker, and the companion model #6,
6.) "Undead" Cheney, which uses tungsten-reinforced steel fangs to sink its teeth into anything petroleum-based (check out the marketing release for this one!)
7.) "Jackson Hole" Cheney, hunkered down in a bunker after stealing billions and getting off scott free (the model we hope isn't produced). Has a specially built "Dream House" accessory
8.) "Great White Hunter" Cheney, (suggested by peskydang of DelphiForums), complete with wonky shotgun and hunting fatigues, who'll shoot your Barbie in the face then hunker down in a bunker for 24 hours
What would you add to it?
As for Accessories -- what do you envision? Here's what we've got so far:
A standard bunker with interchangeable skins and other attachments could serve as an undisclosed location or a place to hunker down after a successful round of plugging lawyers full of shotgun pellets; switch the skin, and you have a "burial bunker" for "Bury Me" Cheney that can be switched into the lair of the "Undead Cheney" after the metamorphosis.
The fashionable "Seed Pod" accessory could be marked with the Umbrella Corp logo from "Resident Evil" as part of the joint effort to help sell movies and video games, and have interchangable parts for "Alien" Cheney or "Stem Cell" Cheney science fun.
What about buddies or pals? Glad you asked. A special set of collectibles called "Accessories after the fact" consist of the WH support staff action figures, with the SuperSized Hadley, Gonzales, Yoo and Special Agent Provocateur Rove have been approved, and more models are expected to be submitted for waterboarding fun future releases.
Your turn. Provide your thoughts on a Cheney Action Figure. For the contest, prepare a picture manipulated through PhotoShop or some other graphics tool. Post your descriptions now; post your pictures by midnight tomorrow. A followup diary will compile them for voting, and the one with the highest number of votes from the Kossack community will win.
...there are no prizes aside from the ultimate honor and recognition of the creative genius and effort you've put into the work submitted, but that's important enough -- right?
OK, then -- have at it! The clock is ticking...
Update to Accessories: Karbala Kate of DelphiForums suggests the following accessories for Model #5, "Bury Me" Cheney:Accessories for #5, "Bury Me Cheney" - Comes with a separate kit called "Operation Cheney", the well known kids' game for aspiring surgeons! It contains the complete game with a heart of stone, an implantable defibrillator, a bad knee, gonads of steel, and a backbone that turns to dust when anyone mentions the words "five deferrments".