Halloween has ended, and with it so has the time to enter
our Photoshop contest to see who could envision the best Dick Cheney doll or action figure. While there aren't any actual prizes (like a copy of "
Duck! The Dick Cheney Survival Bible"), it's all in good fun - plus a little added homegrown terror for the holiday.
Below the fold, read about the entries; vote in the poll for the best Photoshopped entry, and add a comment about the best conceptual doll or accessory overall, even if it did not have an official picture entry.
Feel free to submit any new "Dick" concepts or images, too -- you won't "win" but you'll find lots of folks willing and able to provide their thoughts and feedback. All who submitted concepts or photos for the contest should add a comment under the tip jar in order to capture some mojo for their hard work.
The contest began on Tuesday at around 10:30 am, tho images created prior to that time were permitted in order to ensure that no good effort from times gone by was excluded. It ended Wednesday at midnight. We had several entries, and you are welcome to go back and review the context they were provided in.
The whole concept began with a Front Page post by DarkSyde from the previous day; with a little encouragement from Cronesense, I decided to run with it and see what transpired. It was, IMO, quite successful, esp. in light of the fact that we are fast approaching one of the most critical elections in US History.
The Concept-only Suggestions
Some folks made some suggestions either in the initial thread started with the original DarkSyde post, or in the contest itself. They are as follows:
1) "Seed Pod" Cheney, who oozed forth from the alien seed pod in the WH basement, a soft gooey look-alike but devoid of heart and soul
2) "Terminator" Cheney, built by the Halliburton AI (DarkSyde)
3) "Gollum" Cheney, who wore the Neocon Rings too much (DarkSyde)
4) "Tickle Me" Cheney, the one that market research indicates might scare you into unconsiousness with its garish laugh but may induce nightmares in small children and insecure adults. (Initial concept by GreyHawk, but check out "Shoot me in the face" Cheney from Kossack Onthebus in the photo section -- it's a perfect representation for this one.
5) "Bury Me" Cheney, for those occassions when he nods off during state addresses and is mistakenly presumed dead until the backup generator recharges his pacemaker, and the companion model #6 (See next model #). (Concept for "Bury Me" Cheney suggested by Kossack kitebro.)
6) "Undead" Cheney, which uses tungsten-reinforced steel fangs to sink its teeth into anything petroleum-based (check out the marketing release for this one!)
7) "Jackson Hole" Cheney, hunkered down in a bunker after stealing billions and getting off scott free (the model we hope isn't produced). Has a specially built "Dream House" accessory completely built by Halliburton for 156 times what it should have cost, and paid for with taxpayer's bucks. (accessory concept via nonnie999)
8) "Great White Hunter" Cheney, (suggested by peskydang of DelphiForums), complete with wonky shotgun and hunting fatigues, who'll shoot your Barbie in the face then hunker down in a bunker for 24 hours.
9) "Death" Cheney, suggested by Kossack Craigb.
10) "Chucky" Cheney, suggested by Kossack SaraBeth.
Accessories -- before and after the fact
Special bunker accessory:
A standard bunker with interchangeable skins and other attachments could serve as an undisclosed location or a place to hunker down after a successful round of plugging lawyers full of shotgun pellets; switch the skin, and you have a "burial bunker" for "Bury Me" Cheney that can be switched into the lair of the "Undead Cheney" after the metamorphosis.
The fashionable "Seed Pod" accessory could be marked with the Umbrella Corp logo from "Resident Evil" as part of the joint effort to help sell movies and video games, and have interchangable parts for "Alien" Cheney or "Stem Cell" Cheney science fun.
Optional Model-specific Accessories:
Model #5, "Bury Me" Cheney comes with a separate kit called "Operation Cheney", the well known kids' game for aspiring surgeons! It contains the complete game with a heart of stone, an implantable defibrillator, a bad knee, gonads of steel, and a backbone that turns to dust when anyone mentions the words "five deferrments". Suggested by friend KarbalaKate of DelphiForums
A special set of collectibles called "Accessories after the fact" consist of the WH support staff action figures, with the SuperSized Hadley, Gonzales, Yoo and Special Agent Provocateur Rove have been approved, and more models are expected to be submitted for waterboarding fun future releases.
And now -- The Entries!
OK, here's the part you've all been waiting for -- The actual entries.
First, two from sgary:
"Hannibal" Cheney
"ChickenHawk" Cheney
Next, one from Clive all hat no Cattle called "Pimp" Cheney:
Here's one from cosmic debris -- "Cornyn, Evil God of Greed on a Turtle" Cheney:
George provides us with a "Dick-o-lantern":
And finally, my personal favorite due to the amazing likeness to what horror I'd envisioned for the "Tickle Me" Cheney, we have On the Bus's "Shoot me in the face" Cheney:
That's it! Please vote in the poll below for your favorite PhotoShopped entry, and leave a comment telling us what you thought of the contest, the various models, the accessories and the amount of time you spent heaving after looking at the dang "Cheney on a turtle" image...
About the Prize We're Not Giving
The Dick Cheney Survival Bible:
250 WAYS TO FIND COVER FROM THE MAN WHO CALLS THE SHOTS, PULLS THE STRINGS AND SHOOTS THE LAWYERS
Excerpt from "About the Book"
Why, you may wonder, a book on surviving Dick Cheney? He's not going to shoot you. Or at least, the odds aren't that high. You're probably not rich or powerful enough to be invited on one of his hunting trips. And besides, he's a bad shot.
Well, once you think about it, there actually are plenty of bad things Dick Cheney could do to you. He could start a war on a false pretext, and send your friends and children off to fight in it. He could drive oil prices up so high that you will no longer be able to commute. He could raise your debt to a preposterously high level (while telling you that "deficits don't matter"). He could tap your phone without your knowledge, and post your conversations on a local bulletin board. He could hire thugs to torture your family--no explanation required.
When people truly grasp the concept of Dick Cheney, they become scared. Really scared. "I had a nightmare the other night," they remember, "and it was about the vice president!" Or they realize, "When my toddler saw him on tv, she burst into tears and ran from the room!" Or, they recall, "That's the man whose face broke my mirrors and whose voice made the dog howl."
Dick Cheney isn't just the vice president of the United States anymore. He is something much larger and more intimidating. Dick Cheney is the scariest man in America.
There's more -- just click on the link. And think about the prize that we're not giving. It's not that we're cheap (we are, but that's beside the point) nor is it the fact that you should have been donating any residual pesos or marks to the candidate of choice (tho you should be), it's just that we weren't running that kind of contest. Who wants to read a book when you can simply bask in the glory of a job well done?
...eh. OK, so we're cheap bastards. Anywho...anyone interested in the actual, only-known Cheney action figure that I could find (pictured at the top of this diary), you can click on the image and go to the Vicale Corporation page -- they have a variety of other interesting political action figures, too. The Cheney action figure is described as
YOU DON'T KNOW DICK
Dick Cheney Action Figure ONLY $29.95 WHICH INCULDES SHIPPING GET the YOU DON'T KNOW DICK Action figure Today. Dressed in jeans or Urban Camo pants, Shotgun, T-shirt and Retractabe kick spike shoes
For $30, you'd think they'd include a full-sized T-shirt for the buyer.
Thanks for helping to select the winner(s)! We'll update you later with the results.