Head of the National Association of Evangelicals, pastor of New Life Church, presidential advisor Ted Haggard ousted after 3-year "gay-for-pay" relationship with a male prostitute is revealed. Looks like the "gel" in evangelical stands for KY Jelly... No doubt, Ted will enter a rehab program, but experts agree that evangelicalism is one of the toughest addictions to conquer.
Here are some danger signs that your pastor may be following in Ted's sandal prints:
1) Uses the King Jamie version of the bible
2) Holds choir practice at Chippendale's
3) Is constantly rearranging the pews
4) Likes to do EVERYTHING in tongues
5) Insists there was a 13th apostle named Kyle
Lots more on t'other side!
Former Pentagon advisor Richard Pearle blames Bush for "huge mistakes," calling his national security advisors "among the most incompetent teams in the post WWII era." On the plus side, he thinks Bush has done a bangup job "keeping the twins off the sauce."
"Death vans" visit villages in China to perform lethal injections for offenses from tax evasion and smuggling to government corruption. Between injections, the driver doubles as a Good Humor man.
Ann Coulter faces prosecution for voter fraud for casting a ballot in the wrong precinct. She voted in Warlock Township when she actually lives in the Village of Bubble Bubble Toil and Trouble.
A school bus driver in Seattle was fired after giving Bush the finger as his motorcade passed. She told police she was helping him get ready for Tuesday.
John McEnroe beat Bjorn Borg in an exhibition singles match in Dubai. Highlighting the AARP-SunCity-Viagra-Nexium Depends Open."
Iran test fires a missile capable of reaching Israel. It's designed to destroy everything except delis.
Paul McCartney and Heather Mills have hired Charles and Diana's lawyers to battle over a $1.5 billion fortune. You can be sure Heather won't be taking a limo ride anytime soon.
Miss Great Britain was decrowned after admitting that she slept with one of the judges. Pageant officials advised Danielle Lloyd to apply to American Idol where such behavior is tolerated.
The first Catholic cathedral built in the US has reopened in Baltimore after a $34 million restoration. With updated ammenities including criminal defense lawyer conference rooms and a separate entrance for process servers.
Thirty percent of New Yorkers don't own a car. Worse, 12% of those lack a middle finger to hail a cab.
A GOP lawmaker in Florida resigned after being convicted of leaving obscene racial slurs on a colleague's voice mail. And violating the Republicans' time-honored tradition of sexually explicit e-mails.
The Catholic group caaction.com advises Catholics on how to vote based on bans on euthanasia, stem cell research, human cloning and homosexual marriage they claim appear in the Catechism. Which they're still combing to find a pedophilia loophole.
Harvard Med researchers found that the chemical "restueratrol" found in red wine may extend life. They stumbled on this after several extraordinarily healthy mice were discovered living on Charles Shaw Cabernet at Trader Joes.
A little past cocaine use is okay says LAPD recruiters---but not meth or heroin. Which pretty much dashes the law enforcement career hopes of Courtney Love.
Martha Stewart will be a celebrity chef on Yahoo Food. Martha's first segment will cover several holiday variations of slop and gruel she learned in stir.
Barbie is teaming with trendy M-A-C Cosmetics to hype provocative products like "Encounter" and "Night Affair." G.I Joe will help sell mens' cologne like "Iraqi Tent" and "Evening in Kabul."
Excerpted from: www.bereftontheleft.blogspot.com
See also: www.hope-writer.blogspot.com