AP. Washington, DC -- Disgraced evangelical preacher Ted Haggard participated in his weekly conference call with the White House Wednesday morning despite recent difficulties in his personal and professional life. A White House aide, who spoke on condition of anonymity, reported that Haggard offered to "lick Bush's wounds" in the wake of devastating midterm elections in which the Republican party lost control of the House and may also lose control of the Senate.
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President Bush was not personally involved in the conference call, and White House staffers were "nonplussed" and unsure how to respond to Haggard's unusual offer.
After a period of silence following his offer, Rev. Haggard continued "I understand the loneliness of a man who is deeply misunderstood. I feel that in this trying time, I may be 'of service' to my President. I know the transformative and healing power of massage. The Lord has provided me with a talent of healing massage through the touching on of tongue. I know that applying my tongue to the President's wounds may be very helpful to him in his hour of need."
It was also reported that Haggard offered the President access to his unused supply of methamphetamine.