I spend the week writing about various issues affecting the queer community. I figure that by the time it gets to Sunday, I'm all written out, so why not have a personal entry about my own life. My readers will have a chance to get to know me, and I will have more time in my day for things like human interaction and partying.
I wanted to talk about queer dating. Well before that, let me step back and talk about dating in general. Did first dates ever exist? I've never been asked out on a "date"; rather it's always been to "hang out", "do something" or "go somewhere". On the contrary, I grew up with Hollywood movies always having their sexy movie stars asking one another out on dates using that D-word.
Did the D-word die out with The Greatest Generation, or did it never actually exist? I mean, maybe I'm wrong and everyone else may to use it, although I doubt it. But anyway, back to queer dating. The hardest part I've experienced in this realm has been my very conservative (not politically) attitude. I've never gone to a gay club, don't drink or smoke, am very shy about telling boys I like them and have trouble making eye contact with those boys and NOT being nervous around them. To sum it up, mentally I think I'm still in high school lol (and yes, I did in fact just use the term "lol")
Also, the casual sex thing disgusts me, although I admit, it was very appealing after just coming out, and well... I'm no angel. Generally though, I've decided after experiencing it that ok, maybe it works fine for some people and that is totally fine (as long as a condom is involved). I mean, kudos to them for overcoming centuries of papal/religious/societal repression of sexual feelings and the enforcment of sexual rigidity that ruined and ruins the lives of many GLBT people and straights. Casual sex is not "good" or "bad" as us Westerners LOVE to phrase things. It is something, attached with benefits and consequences yes, but it is what it is. Sometimes I feel like I miss out on the queer experience by not going to clubs, but I know that a majority of queers put getting to know someone before sex, and a majority of GLBT people do not attend clubs (at least regularly).
And yet for some reason I always think that every other young queer has it better. I keep on meeting other queers that don't; for instance those that are still in conflict with themselves, or those that define themselves as "not THAT kind of queer" whatever that means. Those that look down on dating minorities and those who HATE the lesbians, ridicule the bisexuals and don't even register transgender individuals as anything other than freak shows.
Reflecting on it, I have it pretty damn well. Dating just isn't for me though. I'm very meticulous and picky over who I ever tell that I like. Looks play a bigger role than I would like them to, but more importantly is their ability to hold on a conversation, be mature, make me laugh but ALSO make me party. I get pretty wrapped up in activism that I forget sometimes that there's a whole 'nother world out there of a different type of fun.
What experiences have ya'll had queer or straight? I'd particularly like to know about your approach of telling people that you like them and if you still or have ever used the D-word.
Author's Note: My name is Kevin Ballie, a student at American University (AU). I happen to work at the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender and Ally (GLBTA) Resource Center at AU. My area of activism centers particularly around GLBT activism. My goal is to write diaries on DailyKos as a regular update concerning issues facing the GLBT community. I sincerely hope to gain a readership base of committed GLBT activists and our supporters. Such a base will only enhance DailyKos and provoke greater thought. Just as a note, I may use terms like gay, lesbian, bisexual transgender (GLBT) or queer (a substitute for GLBT).