Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com
For those of you who desperately miss Seinfeld, and are not satisfied by the reruns, DVD releases or even racist rantings of Michael Richards, DON’T DESPAIR!
NBC has agreed to pick up the option on my new sitcom, BUSHFELD. Here’s an excerpt from the pilot, called THE PITCH FOR WAR:
SCENE: THE OVAL OFFICE
CHENEY: I think I can sum up the Iraq War for you with one word: NOTHING.
CHENEY: (Smiling) Nothing.
BUSH: What does that mean?
CHENEY: The war is about nothing.
COLIN POWELL: (To Cheney) Well, it’s not about nothing.
CHENEY: (To Colin) No, it’s about nothing.
POWELL: Well, maybe in philosophy. But, even nothing is something.
CONDOLEEZZA: What’s the war’s premise?
POWELL: Well, I would go to the U.N., and make a presentation about mobile biological labs and we would pretend there are threats of mushroom clouds, yellow cake and apocalypse.
CHENEY: Yeah, but nothing happens to trigger the war. You see, it’s just like life. You know, you eat, you go shopping, you read. You eat, you read, you invade Iraq.
BUSH: You read? You read about Iraq?
CHENEY: Well, forget the reading; we don’t want to learn about 1300 years of Sunni-Shia fighting.
BUSH: All right, tell me, tell me about the rationale for war. What kind of rationale?
CHENEY: Oh, no. No rationale.
BUSH: No rationale? So, what is it?
CHENEY: What’d you do today?
BUSH: I got up and worked out.
CHENEY: There’s a rationale. That’s a rationale for war.
BUSH: (Confused) How is that a rationale?
POWELL: Well, uh, maybe something happens on the way to your workout, like you find out Saddam has weapons of mass destruction, or his aides met with Mohammed Atta in Prague.
CHENEY: No, no, no. Nothing happens.
POWELL: Well, something happens.
BUSH: Well, why am I starting a war?
ROVE: Because it’ll be on TV, and help your re-election.
BUSH: By the way, where the hell is Rummy?
POWELL: I don’t know, but it seems the raisins are missing ... along with a coupla’ hundred thousand troops.