Mr. Mackey Counsels Barbara Bush
Setting: Mr. Mackey's office. Mr. Mackey is pointing to a chart on the wall.
Mr. Mackey: Mrs. Bush, here's something we call the Bell Shaped Curve. Umkay? Most people when tested fall within this range here. It's called the Average Range. A smaller percentage of people fall outside the Average. Some above, and some below. Mrs. Bush, your son, Dumbya, well, his test scores fall down here in the Below Average range. Umkay?
Babs: This is just preposterous. My boy's going to Yale. I don't care what you say.
The One Act Play continues....
Mr. Mackey: Maybe if I gave you an example...umkay? You know that Presidential Daily Briefing dated August 6, 2001, the month before 9/11? You know the one that said: "bin Ladin Determined to Strike inside U.S.?" Well, your son and his girlfriend, I mean his National Security Advisor, Condoleeza Rice, thought it was an "historical" document. Umkay?
Babs: So?
Mr. Mackey: Well, if it had been an historical document, it most likely would have been treated as such, not included in the PBD. Since it was in the PDB, if it had been historical, it would have said: Osama bin Ladin used to be determined to attack America, but not anymore....or something like that. Umkay? Dumbya doesn't get history, umkay?
Babs: Well, he did make a D- in history, but he had a terrible teacher at Andover.
Mackey: Now, see here, this document... Saddam Hussein has horrible, terrible weapons of mass destruction? Well, this document is well over 10 years old! But your son, Dumbya, and his advisors used it as current information- to sell a war. Umkay? See now this is an historical document. Not the PDB about Osama...
Babs: Alright. I get it. But I don't care what you say, my son's going to Yale, dammit! I'll do whatever it takes.
Mr. Mackey: Well, there is something you could do..
Babs: Don't even go there.
Mr. Mackey: I don't want to mess with your beautiful body or mind for that matter, Mrs. Bush. Umkay? I was thinking that if you managed to make a rather substantial contribution to Yale... that, combined with your good name....
Babs: Humpf. (Yanks checkbook from her Gucci purse.) $100,000 do it?
Mackey: Mrs. Bush, please, you can do better than that. Dumbya's going to find Yale quite difficult with his paucity of gray matter and his propensity for torture, lying, bullying,....
Babs: Alright already! What about a nice round $500,000?"
Mr. Mackey: Welcome to Yale! Umkay?
Disclaimer: The PDB, torturing, and war lies occurred waaaay after Babs met with Mr. Mackey. Poetic License.