Inspired by reports that Senator-elect Jim Webb wanted to "slug" our esteemed Fearless Leader© after said Fearless Leader© made one of his typical, smirking frat-boy remarks about Webb's son (currently serving in Iraq) -- and doubly inspired by the needledick right wing punditry's response which has been to wring hands over what they claim is Webb's incivility -- I hereby call for Democrats across the nation to join me in entering into an age of enlightened payback and retribution. Call it:
The New Incivility™
(Read on...)
I am sure you recall the right wing punditry's similar hand-wringing over Tom DeLay's bullying, Karl Rove's filthy, slimeball campaign tactics, Dick Cheney's vile epithet hurled at Senator Leahy on the Senate floor, and even our Fearless Leader© making fun of a blind reporter.
Oh, wait.
Not one of these whiny, pissant pundits ever said a thing about such behavior from their chosen party's leadership.
Therefore, in honor of my new hero, Jim Webb, I kick off this new age of incivility by pointing out a few right wing pundits I'd love to slug.
[Note that while I have these pundits numbered, they're all equally loathsome. And, of course, the actual loathsome pundit list is much, much longer than what is presented here. And I specifically did not include such loathsome creatures as the squad of vile right wing female punditry. I was raised not to hit girls, even Michelle Malkin. My list in this post is also limited in the interest of time. There may be further diaries celebrating The New Incivility™ in the future.]
#1 George Will - Will, the epitome of the sniveling, groveling, pseudo-intellectual Washington insider, had the audacity to call out Webb, yet has never written or said a word about the nasty thugs who made Washington their partisan playground under Rove and company. His whiny, too-smart weekly appearances on This Week are exercises in sneering, know-it-all inanity (in the same league as the repellent, Cokie Roberts). So to George Will, you pathetic, bony swine, I offer this direct pop to your pointed, butt-sniffing beak. God, you make me sick...
#2 Michael Medved - Another self-righteous sniveler, always too eager to judge the morality of others in the framework of his own holier-than-thou existence. Medved also cowardly called out Webb having never uttered a peep (and that's about all he manages to squeak out of his cowering, puny frame) about the vileness of Dick Cheney, et. al. Hey, Mike -- if I can call you Mike -- here's a stiff poke to the very region that serves as a tiny megaphone for your hugely-annoying, nasally vocal emissions. Does your wife even like you?
#3 Tucker Carlson - How you've gone this long without getting publicly socked is beyond me. You define preppy do-nothingness. Why isn't your sorry ass in Iraq or Afghanistan? Nevermind. The answer is obvious. You wouldn't last five minutes in an environment where you couldn't savor your nightly bubble bath. Just you and Mr. Ducky. For you, Tuck, a short, powerful straight right to the tip of your all-to-perfect nose. Your eyes are watering in that mix of pain and tears. Enjoy. Have you and Ken Mehlman ever been seen in the same room at the same time?
#4 Bill O'Reilly - Picking on women (Cindy Sheehan, Barbara Boxer, Hillary Clinton, others) and hitting on female members of your staff (right, Loofah Boy?) tell us all we need to know about you, Billy. You fancy yourself an old-school street tough. We know better. That's an act. If you were a street tough, you wouldn't have to pick on girls. Only pindicks pick on girls. Your blustering, phony bully act wouldn't last five minutes on a real street. I played hockey with guys half your size who would kick your pasty, Irish ass for making fun of their sisters. Here's a combination -- right cross, left uppercut -- for you, William, you fake tough guy. Nothing better than watching a tall bag-o-bones crumple to the deck. Please, no more moralizing until you learn to sober up and keep your filthy thoughts to yourself.
#5 David Brooks - "See how smart I am?" screams every David Brooks column ever written. Never has a man his age complained so mightily about how far downhill the nation has slipped since his his days in the monastery. I'm guessing it was a monastery judging by his moralistic bleating. He pines for the days when he sat at the knee of Aristotle, listening to the great lectures, and when properly-raised boys and girls were fully content with a respectful peck on the cheek, both parties saving themselves for their wedding nights, whenever those evenings may come. (He's the right wing Andy Rooney, harkening back to simpler times -- only David Brooks is only 46 and Andy Rooney is 88. How pathetic.) David has served as the test marketer for Karl Rove, dropping the chubby one's latest strategic policy positions into his column the same way a pigeon walks and poops at the same time. So for you, David, a special head butt to your prominent proboscis. May it sting. What's it like being a mouthpiece for that twisted, dark little soul?
Okay. That's all for now.
Welcome to The New Incivility™.
Payback is a bitch.
Thank you, Jim Webb.