I've never considered myself much of Democratic Party builder. In the scale of things, I don't consider myself too important at all. I get one vote, I make some campaign contributions, I reach out to a few friends, I place thousands of calls to Republican campaign headquarters on election day (just kidding). In the last election, I even went door-to-door for one day.
But some recent diaries have made me reconsider. I always thought Party building was about working together, reaching compromises, building coalitions. I mean, yawn, who needs that? But now I see that that's not what Party building is about at all. It's about tearing down candidates you don't like! It's about fighting! Now, that sounds like fun.
more brilliant, substantive analysis, and your opportunity to thank me for my Party building services, below. . .
In this diary, I'm going to skip right over the namby-pamby tear-down-one-candidate-at-a-time Party building efforts that are prevalent here at dKos. I'm going to build the entire Party in a single post but demonstrating, with my brilliant and substantive argument, that your candidate no matter which candidate that is represents a danger to the Democratic Party!
I don't want there to be any misunderstanding about what I'm going to say in this diary. When I demonstrate to you that your candidate, no matter how well meaning, represents a looming disaster to the real and true Democratic Party (as represented by me) you may become upset. You may feel that I'm somehow attacking your candidate or criticizing him or her. There might even be bad blood between us -- I can't stand the sight of blood (at least, my own).
So let's be clear. When I say that your candidate is a danger I don't mean to disparage that candidate in any way. I'm not suggesting they're stupid (even when they are), illiberal (although, let's face, it's often true), or unable to understand basic political reality. No, friends, it's not your candidate that I'm faulting. It's you, the supporter, who is really the problem. It's you, by your foolish efforts to support a candidate that you like but I don't -- your counter-LarryInNYCness -- that is the danger to the Democratic Party and right-thinking Americans everywhere. Really, we just have to laugh at a political climate that can produce movements such as the one you belong to. Let's all take a minute to laugh at you right now.
There. I'm sure you feel better now. I know I do.
Howard Dean
I know he's not running, but he has shown ability to generate excitement among the Democratic base, so we need to chop him off at the knees right now. Not that it would make a lot of difference, he's pretty short anyway -- too short to be the Democratic nominee, I'm sure you'll agree. Plus, what's he actually accomplished? When he was Governor of Vermont he was well known for working with Republicans! Look at his performance in the midterms -- less than 10% pickups! There are 435 seats in the House. He's been DNC Chairman for 2 years now. Why don't we hold all 435 seats?
In addition, he's a Republican appeaser. Even today he's quoted in the paper as saying:
"If George Bush made any single huge mistake it’s that he thought he could be president by being president for half of America and by treating the rest of us with contempt. That is not a mistake I ever want Democrats to make."
We all know anyone who doesn't vote Democratic is contemptible -- we need a DNC chairman who will treat them with contempt!
Plus, he's really pro-war, as fellow Kossack Joshua Frank points out here .
Barak Obama
Enough has been said about Barak Obama to make any little contribution I may have irrelevant. I'll just remind you, however, of his total lack of accomplishment -- although he's written or sponsored innumerable excellent pieces of legislation on privacy, lobbying reform, non-proliferation, chemical plant safety, CAFE standards, voter intimidation, FEMA reform, public access to records, he hasn't passed any of them through the Republican Congress. And that despite the fact that he had Republican cosponsors for some of those bills. Republicans!
So, before he was wasting his time sponsoring bills in the Senate, what was he doing? While we were busy debating important issues in internet forums, this bozo was doing community organizing and practicing civil rights law! I mean, what place does a civil rights lawyer have in the modern Democratic Party? It's so nineteen-sixties!
The biggest danger that Obama poses, however, is his insidious ability to attract attention and his apparent popularity among both the base and swing voters. That has to be suspicious. Let's take someone who we know is right about everything, someone who we can trust completely as a leader, someone like. . . me! Am I popular? No! Do people like me? No! Do I get invited to talk to Republican congregations? No! Do I get in the newspapers and on TV? Hell No! I'm stuck writing on the internet!
It's just this simple -- Democrats should never consider nominating a popular person. Therein lies the danger of winning, the compromises of governing, and ultimately the dilution of our purity of essence.
Hillary Clinton
'Nuff said.
Wesley Clark
Really, I don't want to reopen old war wounds but could we at least have a candidate who can decide what party he's in? This is a guy who lauded the 2000 Supreme Court decision to establish George Bush as President! Clark is the Michael Bloomberg of the Democratic Party -- changing his party affiliation in preparation for a run for office. Oh sure, he's been running all over the country in the last three years sucking up to Democrats by campaigning for them and raising funds but who believes that represents a real change in his opinions?
Plus, I heard a rumor that his grandfather was a member of AIPAC!
Tom Vilsack
He's from Iowa. Who the hell comes from Iowa? It's a swing state, anyway, so you know we can't trust his purity!
Evan Bayh
We all know he's not a progressive. "Evan" isn't really his name anyway -- it's Birch. Like John Birch society, get it! What's he hiding, anyway? I'll tell you what he's hiding. As governor of Indiana he ran a state surplus and cut taxes. Do you think that's going to appeal to the American electorate? Bayh has "Republican" written all over him. His wife serves on corporate boards, he's a centrist, he helped elect three Democratic congressment in Indiana this year.
DLC. Need I say more?
I've got to take a call now from Purity and Rightousness magazine about a possible writing gig. I may not have gotten to your favorite candidate, but rest assured that they suck too. But not in a bad way. Remember, the fault lies not ourselves but in you, dear reader, that we are underrepresented.