(Courtesy of CNNNN)
Despite rumors to the contrary, soon-to-be Presidential candidate John Edwards will not in fact be raising the dead in New Orleans, whether with his shiny white teeth or any other miracle aspect of the former U.S. Senator from North Carolina. The smily Senator may merely be announcing his run for President; it is widely suspected by pundits that the fanaticism of his followers has accounted for the "raise the dead" rumors, not to mention the widely bruited rumor of an Edwards/Oprah ticket, or the more unlikely but still possible Edwards/Santa Claus ticket.
In related news, Edwards publicly denied that he will be playing the part of Little Orphan Annie (cf. "The sun will come out, tomorroooow") in the new coast-to-coast touring production of "Annie". "I'm optimistic enough to play that part, though!", the candidate smiled--as he so often does. "Let's all have that positive outlook on life! Hey, I still have mine even though Dick Cheney beat my sorry *ss during that debate!!!"
In unrelated news, Francisco Franco, Augusto Pinochet, and Evan Bayh are still dead.