Top Comments: Last Minute Shopping (as seen on TV)
Fri Dec 22, 2006 at 08:28:02 PM PDT
The holiday season is upon us, so let's take a moment, stop, and reflect on what the holidays are really all about--merchandising!!
Here at Nonco, we know that no matter how early you start your holiday shopping, there are always a few presents that you need at the last minute. Nonco offers the perfect gift for everyone on your list!
Shopping for someone who loves to be in the kitchen? No problem! You know any cook would appreciate our new Ravioli Chef, complete with our patented Raviolamp!
Don't forget the little ones! What kid doesn't like potato chips? Imagine how much more they will love them when they make them themselves with our exclusive Potato Chip Machine! One potato will keep them busy for hours and make a small bowlful of chips!
Have a special Republican on your list? Well, you're in luck!! Brand new this year, and only available from Nonco--it's our personal electronic voting machine, the Voterific!!
JUST SET IT, AND FORGET IT!!!
Any of the above can be yours, not for $399.99, not for $299.99, not even for $199.99! No! The Ravioli Chef (complete with Raviolamp), Potato Chip Machine, or the new Nonco Voterific can be yours for 4 payments of $39.99. Order now and get one payment off and free shipping! Place your order at Nonco.con, and we guarantee delivery by Christmas!
That's right, there's more! If you order today, I will send you free, this collection of holiday songs! A $49.99 value--absolutely free!!
Now, Nonco had a little trouble with copyright issues, so we had to hire some hack who thinks she's a songwriter change the words a little, but I am sure you will agree that these delightful songs will lighten any holiday mood! Let's give a listen!
Winter Wonderland (Dick Smith, Felix Bernard 1934):
For 6 years, he wasn't listenin',
Now with sweat, he should be glistenin',
The voters had quite enough,
Of Chimpy's bluster and guff,
But I think he's too damned dumb to understand.
God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen (Traditional, Composer Unknown)
Oh, geez, you stupid stumblebums,
What the hell did'ya do?
You got a lot of people killed,
And drained our treasury, too,
Each soldier's someone's flesh and blood,
Yet with their lives, you toy,
Admit that it is time to redeploy, to redeploy,
Oh, admit that it is time to redeploy.
Blue Christmas (B.Hayes, J. Johnson (c) 1948)
We'll have a blue Congress, that's certain,
And some Rethugs sure will be hurtin',
To all those on the right,
It's time for oversight,
'Cause we'll have a blue, blue Congress.
Deck the Halls (Traditional Welsh Carol Composer Unknown)
Dick, your balls are made of jelly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la,
You're nothing but a yellow belly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la,
A brave dad would fight for his daughter,
Fa la la, fa la la, la la la,
As her gay rights are sent for slaughter,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Frosty the Snow Man (Steve "Jack" Rollins and Steve Nelson, 1950)
Chimpy's a schmo, man, he's a worthless little clown
It was quite bizarre, he just strummed guitar,
As he let New Orleans drown,
And then there was Brownie, what a wussy little slob,
When you ask the Chimp about that little wimp:
"He did a heck'uva job!"
Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer (dr. Elmo, 1979, dr. Elmo's Twisted Christmas)
Laura Bush was all dressed up to go out,
But when it comes to fashion, she's naive,
She bought a dress that cost almost nine thousand,
(That averages two thousand for each sleeve),
Oh my gosh, what a disaster!
I laughed like hell, I must confess,
She should have changed her clothes much faster,
Three other broads wore that same ugly dress!
Let It Snow (Lyrics by Sammy Cahn, Music by Jule Styne, 1945)
This administration is just frightful,
They're cold and mean and spiteful,
Who should handle all the mud they throw?
Tony Snow! Tony Snow! Tony Snow!
Credibility is dead or dying,
If their lips move, they are lying,
A Fox mouthpiece seems apropos,
Tony Snow! Tony Snow! Tony Snow!!!
Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer (Lyrics by Robert L. May, Music by Johnny Marks (c) 1947)
Hey Rudolph Giuliani, John McCain, Obama, too,
Hillary and John Kerry, I might not want to vote for you!
You can say I'm old-fashioned, but I think people power rocks,
Don't want my choice determined by MSNBC and Fox!
This may sound alarmist, but democracy is dead,
When a candidate's put on the slate by a giant talking head!
G'head, discuss elections, if it really floats your boats,
But can the debate about 2008, and talk about counting the votes.
The Twelve Days of Christmas (Traditional, Composer Unknown)
When I asked about his war plan,
Don Rumsfeld said to me:
Gosh, golly, gee whiz,
My goodness gracious,
Oh, holy mackerel,
Lordy, good gravy,
Howdy beejeebus,
Golly, Miss Molly,
Geez, sweet Louise,
Jumpin' jehosophat!
Gee willikers,
Oy vey iz mir, (huh?)
Good night, nurse,
I never had a strategy.
Order now!!
Okay, kids! Let's put down the wrapping paper and head over to the TC mailbag! Remember, Santa will put you on his Nice List if you send your picks for TC to topcomments at gmail dot com!
It seems that a couple of Santa's helpers missed the deadline last night, but I will include their picks here.
From tryptamine:
MarkinSanFran tells a funny story about shoes in Elise's diary about the collision of 'sexiness' and feminism.
fabooj gives us a taste of what some minorities actually think of dKos in jiacinto's diary on why more minorities don't participate here.
From KathyinSC:
In Bcgntn's diary Couples, Communication and Caring, Erevann identifies the core of the difficulties - spot-on!
From LithiumCola:
kath25 has a complaint.
From Elise:
bramish sums up the goal of any Republican administration, but particularly this one in this brilliant comment.
From kath25:
From eugene's Kossacks Under Thirty Five diary last night on the holidays:
Our own terrypinder made a comment about his family holiday that spawned a lot of conversation about a loss of interest in the holidays amongst the younger set.
DH from MD had some great comments about gift giving and candy. This one was very informative.
Spit puts her finger on crass materialism and how it has tainted the holidays. Tryptamine agrees.
Miss Laura rounds us out with a nice comment on why she still enjoys the holidays.
(And a reminder: if you have student debt, be sure to pay off the interest before December 31. You can only write the interest off on your taxes if you have PAID it.)
From thereisnospoon's diary:
Jon Meltzer from a thread pondering what would have happened if Gore won. I agree with the reply completely.
Gooserock shares his bumper sticker. Where can we get one of those?
dyrrachium inspires pity in a hypothetical future politician.
Limelite asks what happens when God talks to Democrats, and adtnext has a good reply.
Here are my picks. They are all from OPOL's righteous rant of a diary, Lepanto is a person of few words, but, oh, what words they are! Follow the thread for many excellent comments. wiscmass cites the 5 I's, and Cato come back has the historical perspective.Catrina covers a lot of ground, talking about what we know and what we might find out.
