If A Liberal Had Shot a Man in the Face

*    GOP congressional staffers would show up at all the liberal's speeches wearing orange hunting garb, melodramatically diving out of the way whenever he or she looked at them, and generally mocking and making spectacles of themselves.

*    Drudge would have his little siren thing going, with the LIBERAL SHOOTS MAN IN TEXAS in RED ALL CAPS for at least a week.

(more, of course)

*    The Wall Street Journal editorial page blog would put an asterisk after the liberal's name every time he was mentioned for the rest of his or her life.  The asterisk at the end of the column would read "*the insane pro-Saddam extremist who shot a man in the face."

*    The liberal would be charged with negligent discharge of a firearm.  The debate on Scarborough Country would be whether or not bail was appropriate.

*    Kate O'Bierne would be on Hardball saying that shooting a man in the face is unbecoming, inappropriate, and an insult to African-Americans.

*    Sean Hannity would say the fact that the liberal shot his or her friend in the face proves liberals are unfit to defend America.

*    Joe Lieberman would chuckle and fail to disagree.

*    Rush Limbaugh would spend weeks making little double-entendre jokes about guns going off a little early.

*    Drudge would have an EXCLUSIVE quoting some unnamed GOP staffer, accusing The Washington Post of underplaying the Liberal Shoots Man in Face story.  He'd claim to have a source at The New York Times tipping him off on the internal debate whether to do a follow up story on whether the liberal's sister's boyfriend's brother's roommate's second-cousin had given a speech on gun safety in 1986.  

*    Raw Story would have an exclusive, seductive, and totally incorrect story that the liberal had thought the shotgun was loaded with blanks, but that conservative conspirators had loaded it with real bullets.

•  Duck!!!

  by William S Martin on Mon Feb 13, 2006 at 08:52:14 PM PDT

  •  Rabbit!!!

    by jazzmaniac on Mon Feb 13, 2006 at 09:38:26 PM PDT

•  I like the idea of wearing

  blaze orange vests--I suggest we wear them to our local polling stations.

  by bibble on Mon Feb 13, 2006 at 08:55:00 PM PDT

•  Heather Wilson

  rethug, rep from NM would be in the well of the house with tears pouring down her face, sobbing, tearing her hair, rending her garments, (please, not that!) and asking...

  "What About The Children? Who Will Protect Them?"

  And then voting to cut head start, Pell grants, medicaid, food stamps, school lunches.

  by Maine Atticus on Mon Feb 13, 2006 at 09:10:01 PM PDT

  •  ROFLMFAO

    I assume you're referring to BoobGate (Janet Jackson), and Leather Heather W. 's tearful reaction to that?

    Click here for audio (mp3).

    That's sooo embarrassing.  She's my congresscreature.

    by Plutonium Page on Tue Feb 14, 2006 at 02:47:42 AM PDT

    •  Yes, and

      you have my commiserations. :>(

      by Maine Atticus on Tue Feb 14, 2006 at 01:30:34 PM PDT

•  *Oh My God!*

  Dana Milbank is on Olbermann right now, wearing an orange hunting vest and a bright orange ski cap. I can't fucking believe it. The Democrat's don't have to make fun of him if the media will do it for us. I realize this is K.O., but still. I hope to God that they rip the arrogant bastard to shreds over this. Has anybody had the stomach to see how this is playing on Fox yet?

  by cackyp on Mon Feb 13, 2006 at 09:12:16 PM PDT

•  The shooter

  would have to give a blood sample, even on the next day, or the day after, because metabolites of alcohol can be detected for days. people in the hunting party would be interviewed, asked was there drinking going on? Was the VP drinking? What? How many? Stories compared. Ballistics. Trajectory analysis of the birdshot in the victim.

  by spoon or no spoon on Mon Feb 13, 2006 at 09:17:48 PM PDT

  •  *He had to have been drinking*

    It's the only logical explanation for why the S.S. wouldn't let anyone from the Sheriff's office interview him until the next morning. If they had interviewed him that night, and he was obviously under the influence, they would have noticed. Be awfully hard to keep that under wraps. The National Enquirer probably would have offered a witness more for the info than they would be able to make in ten years. Sheriff's Deputies aren't paid that well. They make more than minimum wage, but usually less than $10.00 an hour, at least in this part of the country. And I would bet that they were able to interview witnesses, but that any further investigation was quickly squelced. After all, if you can't take the V.P.'s word on an incident, whose word can you take?

    by cackyp on Mon Feb 13, 2006 at 09:33:21 PM PDT

•  Hannity already covered this:

  He said "Liberals don't shoot people in the face, they shoot them in the back."

  (Truth or Snark?)

  by jazzmaniac on Mon Feb 13, 2006 at 09:34:44 PM PDT

  •  Can we take up a collection...,

    to send Hannity on a hunting trip with "Deadeye" Dick. Isn't elk season coming up?

    by irate on Mon Feb 13, 2006 at 09:46:08 PM PDT

•  Brad Blog...

  posted up a story that identified the third person in the hunting party as the ambassador to Switzerland. It just so happens that she is a woman. Why has not anyone else looked into this? Is Cheney having an affair?

  by alonzotjones on Mon Feb 13, 2006 at 09:58:11 PM PDT

•  Nightline

  would have a forensic reconstruction of the scene of the crime on a "Special Report" and would have on police officer who specialize in interpreting witness's statements.

  by WalkerRenterBusRider on Mon Feb 13, 2006 at 10:05:21 PM PDT

•  If a liberal shot someone?

  The headlines would have read "LIBERAL OWNS GUN!!!"

  by Danjuma on Tue Feb 14, 2006 at 05:33:05 AM PDT